Dear mom

Subtitle: I miss you, there are so many things i wish that i could tell you.

There are many relationships that we come to form and establish in life but none more important than that of a mother and daughter relationship, it is intricate and interesting, full of ups and downs, often rocky, super emotional and very complex but none the less these things are what tends to strengthen or destroy that relationship.

Sometimes you will find mothers and daughters who are more like sisters, their mom and daughter bond is un-bendable and unbreakable, not easily shaken at all, while there are other mom and daughter relationships that take everything in the world to truly form and have some sense of being between the two and then there are those mom and daughter relationships where they can live in the same house and never know the first thing about each other, an absolute non relationship, the years of life between the two go by without any form of real communication and one day they may look up and wish they spoke, have regrets about the things they wished they had said or could say, mom at some point may have passed away or the relationship was so bad that they made it up in their minds that the best way to communicate is to NOT communicate in life at all.

My mom passed away in February of 2000 when i was still a teenager, at that time i was going into my senior year in High School that coming September, that was the beginning of some of the hardest years of my life to come.

I've often heard or read the question “If you could bring anyone back and have a conversation with them who would it be? My answer, my mom, not just because i miss her so very much but because i have children of my own and i have sooooooo many questions that i would love to ask, i would wallow in her insight, i would take the time to truly find out who she was under the surface, not just the woman who gave birth to me, raised me, worked her tail off, was faithful to church and God and her family… that is all surface, i realize that now that i am an adult and more mature than once upon a time.

I would love to know who she was before she had kids, what did she like to do? What made her happy? What made her sad? Who taught her how to cook? I would want to know what events took place in her life to mature her, what made her want to get married? What kept her humble and faithful? What kind of person was she in school? Did she struggle with any subjects? And as i asked i would listen because in learning about her i would learn so much more about self.

I never had the opportunity to ask my mom all those questions, i never had the opportunity to truly bond with her, i was a super shy child, my mom of course knew this, she made sure i was involved in the things that put a smile on my face like traveling and singing, i grew up not just in my church choir, she allowed me to join community choirs as well, every year i traveled with my church to various states, she allowed for that freedom, it was a freedom that kept me out of trouble and for that i am grateful.

If i could tell my mom anything it would be Thank you, thank you for instilling in me foundation, the groundwork that i would need in life, for instilling in me morals and values i thank you, thank you for keeping me on a right path while you were alive, thank you for instilling in me cleanliness and for teaching me to be a lady, for teaching me and staying on me to always maintain a clean house because it’s important, thank you for teaching me that the truth really is, everyone is NOT your friend, everyone does not mean you well (I learned time and again in life how right you were about this)

I have 3 beautiful children of my own that i wish you could see, i often hope that you are watching over me and that you are proud of how far I've come because, Lord knows life has been ROUGH but i made it safe and this far leaning on God, the God that you raised me up to trust in and lean on, i come from you, you were good seed mama, you kept me planted and watered and nourished while you were alive and for that i love you and will always love you.