Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I'm so sorry I can't be the perfect child. I'm sorry I'm not smart like everyone around us. Also, I know that I am short. I know that I am fat. I know I have acne. I know I am not beautiful... I already know everything that's wrong with me; and that's pretty much everything.

I don't need you, Mom, to tell me that the clothes you bought me are too tight. That my older sister can fit into them but not me. That the shirt was actually too short and loose for her. She, unlike me, is perfect. She is tall and skinny, and fits in all the beauty standards that are considered perfect to you. She is super smart and knows how to do everything in the house.

I use every single cream and medicine you bring me to get rid of my pimples. I actually did not mind my zits until all my family members only focused on them. They made fun of how ugly I look with those "things" on my face. I know they say that it was all a joke but it somehow still hurts.

I am actually trying really hard, I am trying my best to increase my self-esteem. I am making an effort to be more confident and brave. How does anyone expect me to "Be Happy in your Body" when everything that makes me unhappy is my body? I try to eat less and workout but then you tell me that I'm ungrateful for the food that's on the table and that I spend too much time outside of the house. What am I supposed to do? And how can I do it?

You came back from our native country and told me how beautiful my cousins have become. They grew to be tall, skinny and with a glowing skin. Mom, I know you wish I was like them. I understand that you want me to become "pretty" like them but can't you accept the way I am? You always say that I'm always happy when I am with my friends and grumpy at home. The reason behind that is that, they appreciate me for the way I am. They tell me I am beautiful and that I am not fat, I have curves. They say they wished they had a body like mine that has a smaller waist and wider hips. But why can't you see that? Why are your beauty standards so close minded and typical? Why do you keep telling all the family about my imperfections? Why do you make our relatives pity me and make my reputation go lower for them? I want to understand why you don't love me the way I am.

I can't even complain about it because you say that you do such things to me because you care about me and that you love me. What if I told you that I don't want you to care about me and that, if that's the way you show your affection...Don't love me. Your "love" makes me miserable. It makes me want to hide in my room and not come out. Why can't you realize what you're doing to me? Why can't my sister know either? Why do I feel like everyone is always against me? I know I should be grateful that I have a family that isn't poor and brings food to the table. I should be happy that I am living in a Western country where I have so many things I can access to like a good education. Although I have everything in my possession... I just want my imperfections to be accepted. I just want to be accepted. I just want to be loved... By my family, especially you, Mom.