Dear dad

Dad..

I miss you unbearably every minute.

Without you time has moved slower and slower . There was never enough time in a day when faced with losing you at any moment , no words can explain the pain of these last six years , I would give my life willingly for just another day with you , a day to tell you how much you mean to me .. how unbelievably sorry I am for not being the daughter you deserved , how sorry I am for the pain you endured , how I’m sorry I didn’t make you more proud and I will spend all that’s left of my days trying to be the woman you raised me to be .

I may not have made you proud , but man ... I could not be more proud of having you as a father, I would

Do it all again everyday , every ounce of pain and sorrow , guilt and shame , to have you be my dad every time. You are the one stable truth in My life, I will spend my days trying to live up to all that you taught me.

You taught me with your words , with your kindness , and your actions.

There is no college , no job , no educationp that compares to the wisdom gained from just knowing you.

Although I can hear you now , telling me “ yes Shirley but imagine having both wisdom

AND EDUCATION 😉 “

You always knew what to say.

You didn’t waste your words ; nor your time ; you thought carefully and withought judgement , any judgements you had as you are but ofcourse human ... you remained open minded and never viewed anyone as better then or less then .

Your love runs deep and wide , your love could move mountains.

You spent a lot of energy on one lesson inparticular , you told me if I was lucky enough and I mean really lucky ; I’d have one TRUE friend in my lifetime... I know you considered yourself blessed having had many , Dave not only a true friend but family , as well as Danny ( ThankYOU both so much for giving my father that friendship , he treasured you both as much as his own blood . )

well dad, I was so lucky that not only did I have one true friend, my best friend in the world in the same man as My father. Does it get better then that ?

You died as you lived , with more

Grace in one finger then most people can muster in a lifetime.

Your funeral was beautiful , Matt and josh both spoke about you , you’d be so proud. Josh came home to be with us , he comforted mom and I in ways nobody else had come close too. He is becoming a man you’d be proud of , and honoring you was not only important to him , he was beyond successful . I imagined you looking down with Jeff , both so proud , laughing saying ... made a man of him after all , knew that little shit had more in him then he ever knew , and you were right ... I take comfort knowing he will do great things with your spirit living inside him , as well as Matt and your beautiful granddaughter Libby. So beautiful. I am sad she will not know you , but I know if anyone’s spirit will be kept alive , I know yours will .

You loved so hard and in turn wereso loved, the mlove of you is too large to run out , I will make sure Libby will feel as if she’s known you forever , same as mom and Matt and josh.

I could write forever about all that you are but no words could truly do justice to the man you are.

Whenever I see a shopping cart out of place I will put it back in line no matter who put it there , remembering that we do what’s right no matter who did wrong , what one person does never makes it okay for us.

Remembering how the little things can impact someone’s day greatly , and how something seemingly insignificant can mean so much.

Remembering one never knows what someone else is going through and sometimes when someone is slacking we don’t need to ask why , nor do we judge , we just simply pick up the slack where we can and we don’t need acknowledgment . We help each other out , and we don’t expect it back, for what we do for others helps not only them but ourselves.

And remembering no matter what I am today , tomorrow I can be in there shoes.

Bringing me to my next lesson ...

Every time I pass a homeless person , I will give them what I can . If I have 2$ I will give them 1.

For what we give with a pure heart comes back ten times harder.

Lessons that take some a lifetime to learn you taught me with such seemingly simple tasks ..

You taught me how to love unconditionally , how to forgive those deserved or not , you taught me how to let go of that which doesn’t serve me , the toxic and the ugly , you taught me how to go after what I want with a focus and drive that ended almost always in being successful ,

You taught me nobody is unworthy of the same chance as anyone else , and that things aren’t always as they appear, losing the battle doesn’t mean you’ve lost the war and neither does winning it.

Material items will never satisfy me long. And what’s inside my soul is what matters, but a pretty smile doesn’t hurt 😉

I could never describe with unlimited words , the pain of watchin you suffer so immensely these last years. You never complained , and you made the best of the cards life dealt you however unfair they were and anyone knows undeniably you did not deserve the painful deceitful ugly disease of Lewy body dementia.

Though inevitably you were brought to an early grave by your disease , you fought like hell long and hard and overcame many things they called impossible , that’s how strong you and your convictions are.

You were and always will be my superhero , best friend , teacher and guide through life. Though life makes zero sense without you , I’ll keep on , knowing giving up isn’t in my blood... my hero... My dad , may you finally rest .. thanks to you

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