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Dad?

Life with Dad Issues

By Alyssa SoteloPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Did he really love my mom? Is abuse love? The only memories I have of living with both my parents is arguing and fighting. It was very traumatizing until this day every time someone argues in front of me I think they’re gonna start a fight. I love my dad don’t get me wrong, but he isn’t exactly the father I wish I had. I can never watch a movie about a good dad because I wonder how my life would of been with one. I also hate watching movies with bad dads because it’s relatable and it hurts. My mom and dad were young parents; my mom loved to travel and my dad was just never around, so my grandparents help raise my sister and I. My grandpa passed away when I was in seventh grade he was my dad. He did everything a dad should do, take me to school, make me breakfast, and spoil me. He spoiled me with anything I wanted and most important love. He was such an amazing person the nicest person I’ve ever met. He was an alcoholic, it killed him, maybe that’s why I won’t drink and hate drinking. I miss him so much.

My grandma has always been like my mom as well, she did everything for my sister and I made sure we had food when we came home from school and always had clean clothes. My grandma is an amazing woman, could never say no to any of us. My mom does her best, but my mom and I grew apart when I started making bad decisions. My mom and I were best friends, we did so much together. My mom and sister weren’t close because she was a rebel teen always running away. Me being the good kid I was up until I was 14, I never made bad decisions until I was 14 when I started dating. I dated some guy who was controlling, so at 14 years old I thought that was how relationships worked. My sister insisted I gave this guy a chance I didn’t even find him appealing. I soon realized he wasn’t right for me, so I got with my best friend I met when I was eleven. Now being fifteen years old dated for a year and then got pregnant at sixteen, I have a beautiful daughter. She is amazing I would never change that decision I made to have her. My mom wasn’t happy at all she wanted me to get an abortion, sad to say. My grandma pretty much kicked me out. I stayed with my aunt and uncle for two weeks or so then she asked me to come back home. It hurts so bad when your support system isn’t there for you, the people you love the most act like you’re a stranger. My best friend was young himself and he wasn’t there for me when I got kicked out, he was scared. He wanted to continue being himself a young teenager, I didn’t understand it; I was hurt, I felt so alone. The only person excited was my sister, she helped me out she tried to make me understand everyone was just disappointed.

After the news, my mom wouldn’t talk to me for two months; it hurt, she and I were so close. I was so scared for my dad to find out when I was five months pregnant I finally got the courage to visit my dad but he knew because my aunt told him. After my visit with my dad was over he introduced me to his friend and told him I’ll be having a grand daughter around my birthday she better keep her in until my birthday and laughed. I felt happy that my dad didn’t judge me or treat me a certain way. My dad's a good person, just hates showing emotions, I try to see past the past. He was very abusive to my mom when we all lived together. When I had my first boyfriend at 14 I later realized I was abusive, luckily he never put his hands on me. I was like my dad, but I never wanted that just the way I don’t like to drink because my grandpa was an alcoholic is the same way I won’t lay a hand on anyone ever again. I feel like a lot of the decisions I make or have made was because I came from a broken home a dad who cheated on my mom several times. I have a half sister a year older than me born a day after my mom's birthday. Every time my daughter's dad did something he shouldn’t have I would say, “well at least it’s not as bad as what my dad would do” and forgive him because I wanted to keep our family together. We’ve had lots of rough patches in our relationship him coming from a broken home as well, but we are trying we love each other and we love our daughter. I wish I had a good family I missed out on family vacation, family dinners, and family holidays. It was choose who you want to go with for holidays or the judge decides. I’ve only spent two or three holidays once or twice with my dad ‘my whole life. No one will ever understand how much not having a dad can affect you unless they’ve gone through it. My dad loves his granddaughters I know he tries to be different with us. He just had another baby about four days ago, it makes me sad and happy. Happy because I have another sister, sad because if my dad isn’t there for her either that’s another lifetime of hurt. Sad because he might actually take care of her, might actually wake up in the middle of the night for her. Sad because she has her mom and dad. Sad because he actually has a picture with her at the hospital, the only thing I have is the story of how the doctors had to give him a bed because he was so drunk. Sad because she might get the love we never did.

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