Coparenting

"Post-separation co-parenting describes a situation where two parents work together to raise a child after they are divorced, separated, or never having lived together. Advocates for co-parenting oppose the habit to grant custody of a child exclusively to a single parent and promote shared parenting as a protection of the right of children to continue to receive care and love from all parents. Epidemiological studies have shown that joint custody and other arrangements where children have greater access to both parents lead to better physical, mental and health outcomes for children."

(Wikipedia excerpt from the article 'Coparenting' under the subheading 'Separated Parents')

Ashley and Marco are a recently divorced couple with a 6-year-old child together. They weren’t on the best of terms at the beginning of their separation, but over time they learned how to work together and get along for their daughter Annalise. Throughout their relationship the family had already navigated being an interracial couple with a biracial child, and the cultural differences that came with it. They worked out their own parenting style that worked for them and allowed their child to thrive.

The separation itself could have been done better, but Ashley and Marco soon came to a point where they could set aside their personal feelings about themselves, each other, and their relationship to focus on the things that truly mattered: Annalise maintained a close relationship with both parents, continued to have relationships with extended family from both sides as she always had, her education wasn’t interrupted, and she had everything she truly needed, regardless of who had to provide it.

Marco struggled to balance his heavy work schedule with spending time with Annalise. Ashley could have told him to figure it out if he wanted to see his daughter and expected him to adhere to a strict visitation schedule. Instead, she sympathized with him, understanding that these days, it can be very difficult to get off work on time, especially in the position and line of work Marco was in. She remained as flexible as she could, to allow Marco to pick Annalise up and spend time with her when he was able. He still made time to call her, texted Ashley from time to time to check on how their daughter was doing on her end of it.

It seems like everything worked out perfectly and makes for a nice read. But it’s not a perfect story meant for a nice read. It’s a true story of a real couple’s journey into co-parenting. All names have been changed for privacy.

Ashley was open with Marco when she decided to start seeing someone. She explained what kind of person she truly thought her boyfriend was and communicated how she planned to go about dating with a child involved. Marco felt confident in Ashley’s judgement and felt comfortable in how she was taking time to get to know the person very well before ever getting Annalise involved.

Ashley shared with Marco the reasons she felt the person she was dating would be a great role model and potential stepparent for Annalise. Marco took the time to get to know him and saw great qualities in him regarding his daughter.

Meanwhile, Marco started to see someone, as well. It was someone they had both known for at least a couple of years. Ashley had even felt like the person had flirted with Marco right in front of her once or twice. She felt hurt and betrayed that her ex would date a mutual friend of theirs, that her friend would date her ex, and that Marco felt like she would be a suitable potential stepparent for Annalise.

As a couple, Marco and Ashley had agreed on some things that concerned them about their daughter’s safety and wellbeing regarding their friend. For this reason, they had agreed not to allow Annalise to be in her care. Ashley was concerned that Marco’s new romantic feelings for his girlfriend had made him forget all about the concerns they had together.

How will Marco and Ashley and their paramours navigate the ever-evolving world of parenting with Annalise's best interested always truly in mind?