Coincidence

T - 10 years

When I want to tell you how our story together started, I would have to go back in time to a tiny bedroom, where the 17-year-old me lied on the top of a bunk bed and read a book. That wasn't an unusual sight. I was always reading books.

I thoughtfully flipped through the yellow pages. Isaac Asimov's robotic series were my favorite books by him. I just finished one of them and a few sentences from the afterword caught my attention. Asimov mentioned that it surprised him how much people seem to love R. Daneel Olivaw, a humanoid robot that had the intelligence to solve crimes, but no emotions. He compared him to the character Spock from Star Trek: The Original Series. And as I enjoyed R. Daniel Olivaw too, I thought I should probably check out this Spock.

I was familiar with Star Trek. When I was a kid, The Next Generation was airing on Czech TV, but I knew nothing about TOS. But, by a complete coincidence, it was just airing on TV when I finished this book. I decided to give it a go.

I watched one episode - it was one of the crazy ones where all the crew is infected with something that makes them super-emotional - and despite that, I was intrigued. I watched the next episode, and the next, and the next… Soon I was hooked (and in platonic love with Spock.)

I would switch the TV on late in the night when nobody would disturb me, put on earphones and immerse myself in this wonderful world. I also recorded every episode on the VHS tapes. Remember VHS? It's completely obscure technology now, but I still have a few boxes of Star Trek somewhere in the basement.

Star Trek world soon became the place where I would hide from the terrible situation in our home. I would escape all the shouting and the emotional abuse of our household immersed in my daydreams whenever I had the chance. Alongside other outcasts and misfits all over the world, Star Trek became my solace.

T - 9 years

By a complete coincidence, I learned that there was an event in our city where I would be able to watch a Star Trek movie. A movie! I didn't have a notebook and everything I could watch was defined by the four TV programs we had. The only computer in our household had a 1 Gb hard drive and not enough RAM to even read my college CDs properly, let alone play a movie. I could only dream of watching whatever I want. I decided that I must attend this event no matter what. By then, I didn't know what a 'sci-fi convention' was. All I knew was I needed to be there.

On the night of the event, I packed my sleeping bag, because the movie was scheduled late at night, and I ventured into this new, confusing, interesting world.

When the opening credits started to play, I was so happy I could cry. I watched, transfixed, until the end, and then I didn't know what to do with all my emotions. I wandered the halls of the school where this event was taking place, still a little dazed, not knowing this building would play a big role in my future.

T - 8 years

My first encounter with the sci-fi conventions left me wanting more. And this is how I found myself on a train headed to the biggest convention in our republic - The Festival of Imagination.

I didn't know a soul there. But, by a happy coincidence, when I entered the classroom where I would be sleeping, a girl waved at me from the corner and called out: "Hello! Come to us!"

To this day, I still don't know why she did it. Maybe just because she was a friendly, outgoing soul. Maybe it was a whim. But still, it completely changed my convention experience, because now I had friends here.

I spent the whole event completely mesmerized. There was so much going on, beautiful, weird, fascinating imagined worlds that I could lose myself in. Sometimes I went to events with the girl that so boldly befriended me at my arrival. And I was happy, so happy there. Of course I will come next year.

T - 7 years

I missed the train. I couldn't believe I missed the train. How will I get there now? I would need to wait so long for the next one… Then I remembered the convention had its own bus. It had to be reserved in advance, but what did I have to lose if I try? I had plenty of time before the next train. I decided to travel to the bus station and ask them if they would take me on board.

And they did. The driver just shrugged and let me in. And, by a complete coincidence, the first person I saw inside the bus was that girl from last year. We haven't been in contact between the events, but here she was. I sat next to her and we talked all the way there.

At the convention, we formed a little group of people who slept in the same classroom. There was the girl that liked books as much as me, a boy who knew all things Japan and had a tea brewing set with him, and this shy, black-haired boy who arrived with just a small backpack (how could he fit everything in?) We had so much fun together, joking, going to events, brewing tea, doing crazy stuff, making fun of everything.

And then there was a phenomenon I observed: in the evenings, groups of people would gather in circles and play some game that involved talking about an imaginary world. I was thoroughly intrigued. I saw the shy boy in one of the circles and asked him if I could join. This was my first experience with role-playing.

It was my first experience with romance too. I kept in contact with him, and soon we were dating. He introduced me to his friends from a creative writing class - those I have played the role-playing game with - and I started going too. By a complete coincidence, the classes were taking place in the school where I experienced my first convention.

But this was even better than the conventions. I had a blast writing - something I always did alone before, without anyone to read my scribblings, without anyone to give me feedback. Here, we worked together, read our creations aloud. We inspired each other.

After the class, we headed to a teahouse and had crazy fun. We were weird together and we loved it. We met in each other's homes, went for walks, talked through the night, played games, painted our faces, danced in the mall, hugged whenever we felt like it. We were wild and free and we loved each other with all the fierceness of the young.

I stayed in this group even after the breakup. The relationship, which was the first for both of us, didn't work out. My anxiety and depression and the trauma I was carrying from my family got in the way. I was in no state to be in a relationship to begin with.

We stayed friends though. We went on having fun with everyone. For the first time in my adult life, I had the feeling that I belonged.

T - 2 years

I said 'no' to a relationship with someone I was in love with. After two more breakups, I started to believe that my mental illness made me incompatible with dating and it would be for the best if I didn't even start.

I regretted that 'no' soon enough. He was dating a girl younger than me before a week passed. It didn't matter that I knew he wouldn't be good for me. I was heartbroken.

For half a year, I was mourning the relationship that was never to be. And a feeling started to build inside me without me fully realizing it - the feeling that maybe, just maybe I shouldn't say no all the time, that maybe I could handle being in a relationship after all… Even if I didn't believe it fully, the seed was planted.

T - 3 hours

I went to a lecture given by Michael Reynolds - a man who builds ecological houses called Earthships all over the world. I was having a bad day, feeling miserable, but I regretted so much that I haven't gone to his workshop the previous day, and I decided I wanted to do this for myself.

By this time, my creative writing friends have left me because of the chronic illness that I got in addition to my mental health problems. My immune system got so weak that I was always ill or tired. I couldn't go places with them. After one obligatory visit to my home, when I was too exhausted to even speak for a longer time, they just carried on without me.

I was so naive. I thought I have found a family - a family that loved me and would never hurt me like my real one. But when I disappeared from sight, it was as if I never existed to them. I got so lonely. And so, so bitter.

But now I decided that despite my tiredness, despite my social anxiety, I will go to this lecture and I will have fun. And, surprisingly, when I came to the theater where the lecture was being held, the energy was so amazing that it magically changed my tired, grumpy mood to cheerfulness.

The audience was filled with like-minded people and the lecture was very interesting. I left full of impressions and I badly wanted to share them with someone. But there was no one. I decided to take a walk instead. 'I want to meet someone I can talk to', I thought to myself. 'I want to meet someone.'

T - 00:00

He was in the middle of the crowd, hands full of shopping bags, wearing a surprised expression.

My meandering walk just carried me in front of the shopping mall, on a crossroad named 'Angel', when I spotted him. Our eyes met.

He was a young man that I knew from the conventions, but we weren't that close. I greeted him, and we exchanged pleasantries. I fully expected him to say goodbye like people do when they randomly meet an acquaintance while they are out on other business, but instead, he continued talking to me. I was glad. I wanted company.

We talked and we talked and at one point we moved to the McDonald's that was close by and continued talking. We found out that we have so many things in common. Some of them were big, some of them silly. We both loved notebooks and handwriting. We both agreed that a table was the most essential piece of furniture and that we would rather go without a bed than without a desk to read and write on.

The funny thing was that he was also very much like Spock - all logical and fascinated by knowledge. I liked that about him. We were chatting until midnight and then we had to run to catch the last metro train home.

He invited me to have pancakes with him sometime soon. I remember thinking: 'Great, I have a new friend!' I was so clueless.

T + 10 years

We had our 10th anniversary together this year. In the course of those years, we laughed and we argued, hugged and cried, we held hands on the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris and nearly broke up in Venice. And we both had to come to terms with my mental illness.

When he asked me to be together, I still thought it was impossible for me to be in a relationship, but I remembered the last time when I said 'no' and how much I regretted it. I took a great leap of faith and said yes.

I summoned all my strength to be with him, but every day I expected it might end. I confessed to my best friend at college who knew about my mental illness that I met someone. "But with your problems, you will have to let him go", she said.

We didn't really call ourselves a couple until one night when we were, again, at the Festival on the Imagination. We were sitting on a bench at 4 AM and I detailed to him, sobbing desperately, what exactly would life with me and my mental illness be like. I remember his answer like it was yesterday. He said: "We will make it together."

And we did. It was difficult, but we did. And whatever may come, I believe that I will be with my Spock another ten years after writing this, twenty, a lifetime. A lifetime to explore love - the greatest adventure of all.