Children are Not Pawns

My mother left my father when I was just nine years old...then she came back. When I was thirteen years old my father left my mother...he never returned.

Please note that I said my mother left my father and my father left my mother, my mother and father never left me and my sister.

My mother never kept us from our dad, he was and still is very much a part of me and my sister's lives. If there was drama between my mother and father after their separation, my sister and I rarely saw it.

On social media I have seen women taking hammers to their children's father's car windows with their children still in the car. I saw a woman take a pair of scissors to her daughter's hair because the father took the child to get her hair done by another woman. I have seen father's sneaking to see their children because for what ever reason, the mother will not allow them to have a relationship with their child.

Some how, baby mama and daddy drama have become the norm and actually having a healthy co-parenting relationship has become abnormal. We watch Maury and want to know who the father really is. We encourage damaging and destructive behavior for our own entertainment while forgetting about the most important part of the puzzle: The children involved.

Women and men alike put the children in the middle of their disputes. Children that didn't ask to be here are being used as pawns, as weapons and even as 'bargaining' chips. Children already have enough to deal with in today's corrupt world and their parents should never be a source of stress or disillusion.

So what your ex has moved on. The two of you are exes for a reason. So what they were supposed to be there to pick the kids up at 7:00 and they got there at 7:03. They showed up...right? So what they answered the phone on the fourth ring and not the second or third (yes, people are this petty), they answered right?

1. Children should never have to carry the weight of their parent's separation. I had no knowledge of the things that went on between my mother and father after they separated until I was able to call myself an adult. What I did know is that they both loved me very much because in some way, they were both there telling me every chance they had.

2. Do not send a message through your child to the other parent. If you have something to tell your child's other parent...you tell them. Your child is not a telephone or your messenger.

3. Do not down the other parent to or in front of your child. This is the quickest way to form your child's opinion of their other parent for them. It's also a form of manipulation and emotional abuse. Telling your child what it is that their other parent does or does not do is not necessary. Children are smarter than you think, they can see and form their own opinions at a very early age. They can decipher for themselves who they can and can not depend on.

4. Do not withhold your child just because the other parent did something that you did not like. Ask yourself: Did it hurt the child? Will your child be negatively effected by it? Or am I the one that's butt hurt because of it?

5. Keep your kids out of your business. It's not their business. Their business is what homework they have and what's for dinner and who has a crush on who in Ms. Z's class (shout out to my 4th grade teacher), not the burden of your breakup.

Children that grow up with this type of negative upbringing tend to be less trusting in their relationships. They as may become unforgiving in some situations. Please understand using your children as pawns effects all parties involved.