Child Bullies

Many of us know all to well what it is like to be bullied at one point or another in our lives. If you have not ever had this experience, take a deep breath and thank your stars. I, like many, have felt the emotional pain that comes with being bullied and as a parent, I believe it what gives me the passion to teach my children exactly why this is and never will be tolerated. There is however, one question I had then and have carried with me throughout my life. What creates a child bully?

My first experience being bullied by another child was when I was around 9 years old or so. Having a life that was already more than complicated and only one parent, mother, to raise my brother and I, it seemed like I was a natural target. We were not poor but we did not have a lot. What we did have usually came second hand. It never bothered him and I but it was amazing to me how it seemed to bother other children our age. There were mostly three sets of kids. Those who felt sorry for us and did their best to make us feel like everyone else. Then you had those that did not pay attention and not because they were mean but I am guessing because they had no opinion, good or bad. Then you had the ones that took it and ran with it making it their goal to make sure we knew who we were and where we fit in. This is what was hard to understand. Why did they care that they were better off than us and what made them believe in any way it was acceptable to cause any kind of pain on us for coming from a not so well off family.

After the first time I was pushed up against a wall and called a loser because my clothes did not fit the right way, all I wanted to do was tell their parents. My grandmother is the one that told me that there will be times when we just have to do our best to ignore them and stay away. She also told me that it may not do any good to go to their parents because they will either deny their child did anything wrong, defend why they did what they did, or they would be so mad at what they did that the punishment will be more than what they deserve.

When you sit and think about why a child would believe that hurting another child, it can cause someone to be very perplexed. Ask yourself this question and if you have a moment write down any answers you can come up with. Now look at those answers and then study the top reason for a couple of moments. Out of 10 of you that have done this I am thinking that 6-8 of you have said that your top answer is because it was taught to them or this is what they see at home and it is "normal" for them so therefore it is "right". I am one of you who have chosen this as a top reason why. I believed it then and I believe it now.

We all can agree that most of what our children hear or see us do, especially if it is on a regular basis, it will become a part of who they are. Children pick up on anything and more so when they are seeking your complete attention. Am I suggesting that we as parents are the ones that teach bullying to our children? Not always no. However, I do believe that there are those few positions as parents where it is taught to our children that being mean to someone who does not fit in or is somewhat different is funny. When we attempt to show our children that it is somehow funny that to laugh at another because of their differences is acceptable, we are the start of the reason why they are a bully. Then there are the children who have themselves been bullied by other children or they are at home by siblings and even their own parents. When this happens it will take a child in two directions. The first is to give it back. Perhaps not to those who gave it to them but others who they see are weaker in some way and cannot or will not defend themselves. Or they will fight against those bullying them and become someone who will not tolerate this happening to them or anyone any longer.

The reason I wanted to write about this is because it has become something that our children have at one point or another already in their short lives have experienced. No longer are parents worrying that when we drop them off at school they may have this happen. But now it does not seem to matter whether it is school, home, the mall, or even a friends house, our children our having this happen and are finding it very difficult to hide from it. Social Media has become the top three places that a child can be bullied. Social Media can at most times be the worst place for one to be bullied because it is not contained to just two or three people but after something is posted, anyone, hundreds, thousands of people can see it and they then become a part of it. Many will not tolerate it but you still have many who will take it from where it started and continue it like an endless domino affect.

Like some would believe, bullying starts at home, however that may be, putting a stop to this starts at home as well. Even if we are not a parent, we need to become a part of a community that puts a stop to this behavior one day soon. We need to teach our children even before entering school, that being a bully is not something that we will allow them to do. In doing this we also need to teach them that if we see it happening they absolutely need to find a way to go tell someone who they believe will listen. We need to explain to them the importance of speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

Too many of our children are becoming depressed, feeling alone, feeling worthless, lose the understanding that they deserve to be loved no matter what, self-harm, and sadly take their own lives. Never do we want them to feel any of these ways. We do not want them to self-harm to either take away the pain they are going through or believe that this is the only way they can get our attention. We, for no reason at all, want to find out that we have turned our heads, showed our children that they cannot talk to us about anything, or even stand behind them and fight whomever we have to to make it stop only for them to feel that it will never go away unless they go away.

For me, I think it a wonderful idea if all of us would get involved in our communities and either join a group for anti-bullying or start one so that we can get the support needed from others, our schools, our counties, and even our state or local government. If we can stand up and show our children at the youngest of ages that we will fight against this kind of behavior and will take whatever action needed to put laws into place to let those doing this that it is not accepted and there will be prices to pay if you are any part of the reason any child at any age becomes negatively affected by this, we may just have a chance. Our children just may have a future that they can look forward to living. We will never have to know what it feels like to lose a child because they were bullied so badly that they believe that they do not deserve life.

I know that this is not something any reading this does not already know about, but instead of just knowing about it, let's take a moment to gather whatever information needed and stand up now! Please share with your children the importance of this issue and let them share in this fight with you. Make it a part of our daily lives in any way we possibly can. Let them know that we will do anything we and they think we should to fight for their love, their respect, and most importantly their lives.