Celebrating a Very Special Mother’s Day: Jacqueline Baird, founder of Motherhood Intended Shares Her Surrogacy Journey

As Told by Jacqueline Baird, ConceiveAbilities Intended Mother and Founder of Motherhood Intended

For thirty years, ConceiveAbilities has had the privilege to play a role in helping fulfill dreams of having a family. Today, we are celebrating two women on this special Mother’s Day: intended mom Jacqueline Baird and her surrogate Maranda.

Jacqueline’s path to parenthood has been one of challenge, loss, resilience and joy. Her infertility and parenthood journey inspired her to create Motherhood Intended, a community for women to connect to share their stories.

She also hosts a raw and emotional podcast where she talks about her infertility journey, her loss, her surrogacy journey, and so much more.

She and her husband Josh have six babies, two sons, Hunter and Noah, her three angels in heaven and her daughter, Lorelei Rose, who has just made her entrance into the world through surrogacy making this Mother’s Day extra special.

Listen to the full podcast Jacqueline Baird: A Mother’s Day Journey Through Surrogacy with Motherhood Intended here:

Welcoming Lorelei and Celebrating a Special Mother’s Day

NF: So first of all, Jacqueline, congratulations, and I believe Lorelei is just a few weeks old. How are you adjusting and how are you here today?

JB: I am filled with so much gratitude and joy in this moment with bringing Lorelei into the world. She truly has been the missing piece to our family and we’re still in awe that this is even real and that she is here safely. We are so very grateful for our surrogate Maranda and the whole process. It’s been quite a journey and we’re in this blissful moment currently, taking it all in.

Navigating Infertility, IVF, and Pregnancy Loss

NF: I love it. I know time is precious with a newborn at home, and the fact that you’re here celebrating with me today is incredible. We have so much to cover. Let’s start with hearing about your family and infertility journey.

JB: My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We knew right away that we wanted to start a family. We always dreamt of a big family. I’m one of four siblings. Once we started trying, we had some difficulties and nothing was happening after a year of trying to get pregnant. We did testing and they discovered I had a blocked fallopian tube and my thyroid levels were off. We began a deeper dive with our fertility clinic into what was preventing us from getting pregnant and starting our family.

I went on medication, had a procedure to unblock my tube, and then we started right away with medications and IUI (Intrauterine insemination). On the fourth try, we got pregnant with twins. I had a fine pregnancy all the way up until the beginning of my second trimester and unfortunately lost one of the twins at 14 weeks. And then we lost our other twin at 16 weeks. We consulted Maternal Fetal Medicine and no one really had answers for us. Given that it was my first pregnancy, there weren’t any signs leading up to the pregnancy leading up to the loss that would indicate what happened. It was chalked up as a high risk pregnancy.

We took some time to grieve after that and six months later we decided to jump back into it and try again. We tried IUI again because it had worked for us. After three more failed attempts, we were mentally and physically drained.

We switched fertility clinics and got a second opinion and decided it was time for us to do IVF (Invitro Fertilization) and we got pregnant. We had a successful retrieval and got eight embryos that we did not genetically test them at that time because we were young and didn’t have any healthy history that raised any flags. We transferred a fresh embryo and got pregnant with our oldest son, Hunter, who is now six.

I wish I could say that that pregnancy was smooth sailing but at seventeen weeks my cervix started opening, which should not be happening that early. I had a rescue cerclage placed to keep it closed. My doctors felt very confident that it should work and I should go on to have an uneventful pregnancy.

While at a routine appointment at twenty-three weeks, my amazing OB-GYN trusted her gut and decided to do a cervical check. Without any warning signs, I was two centimeters dilated. So very abruptly, I was sent to the hospital and put on bed rest — the kind of bedrest where I was laying flat, couldn’t move, couldn’t get out of bed. And they began giving me steroids and medications to help develop the baby’s lungs in case of a premature delivery.

After eight days on bedrest, my son Hunter was born. That was a very scary time. He was whisked away to the neonatal intensive care unit and spent 120 days there. The first couple of months were very touch and go. He had to overcome a grade three brain bleed. He had to have a little procedure on his heart. And then the biggest thing, being born so prematurely, was that he had to learn how to suck, swallow and breathe.

It was a really hard journey that felt like a whole decade in four months. I don’t know how he came out of it. He’s our miracle, for sure, because he came home from the NICU not needing any assistance to breathe or to eat. Thankfully, he is perfectly healthy now.

After his birth, we knew we had our embryos and it was at that point that my doctors said my cervix was the issue. In order to carry a pregnancy to term, they suggested that I have surgery to place an abdominal cerclage, which is a more effective way of keeping the cervix closed. So when Hunter was nine months old, I had the surgery. Now looking back, I did way too many things in one year and should have processed and grieved the experience and let my body and mind heal.

When Hunter was one, we decided to do another embryo transfer for my son Noah, who is now about four and a half. That was successful on the first try and my pregnancy was perfectly fine until about twenty-three weeks when I started having some preterm labor. With an abdominal cerclage, you have to have a C-section delivery. They don’t want you contracting because they don’t want uterine rupture. So when I came to the hospital with preterm labor, it was very concerning because it’s very dangerous for my health and for the baby.

They determined that my preterm labor was because of polyhydramnios, which is excessive fluid. They couldn’t find a reason why. The baby looked perfect on the ultrasound. I spent about a month in the hospital. The first two weeks were all about trying to stop labor and the last two weeks as a precaution, which was fine with me at the time because I was just terrified and had a lot of PTSD from delivering Hunter early. I knew that, at least if I’m in the hospital, I’m in the right place. But it was really hard on my husband at that point because we had a one and a half year old at home.

He’s trying to work and essentially be a single dad and be at the hospital for me. There was a lot of stress on us individually and as a couple. At 28 weeks, I was sent home to finish my pregnancy at home on bedrest and our son Noah was born at 37 weeks via C-section, perfectly healthy.

We found ourselves with two under two and the pandemic hit. I know this isn’t the popular opinion, but for us, the pandemic actually was really calming for our family. It was the first time in a long time where we all got to stay home, be calm, enjoy each other, and not think about fertility treatments. And for the first time, we finally started to grieve the loss of our twins. It was a time of reflection and joy for our two sons, but also grief.

A High-Risk Pregnancy Changes the Path to Parenthood

We still had six embryos and knew we wanted a large family, but we wanted to take some time before doing another transfer. Well, after about eight years of trying to get pregnant on my own and not being on birth control, miraculously I got pregnant on my own. We were very surprised, because we did not think it was possible.

Like all of my pregnancies, it was fine until it wasn’t. I felt the best I’ve ever felt because I wasn’t on all of the fertility medications and had a great pregnancy up until about twenty weeks. Out of nowhere, I started having lower back pain and within 24 hours I was in the emergency room with placental abruption. We unfortunately lost our daughter Maren, and I had to go in pretty quickly for a c-section.

I was losing a lot of blood and it was very dangerous for me, my uterus and my health. It was incredibly heartbreaking and we had a lot of soul searching to do after that. After a lot of discussion we consulted our doctor who told us that while he wasn’t saying we couldn’t get pregnant again, he didn’t know what he would do differently to ensure my health or a future healthy pregnancy. He brought up how high risk I was and reminded me of my beautiful family at home and suggested surrogacy as a path to have more children.

He really didn’t have to convince me. It was really scary with the placental abruption with my daughter, Maren, because all I could think about were my boys at home and my health and being away from them and everything. Infertility looks a little different when you’ve got children at home. Prior to having my sons, I probably would have stopped at nothing to get pregnant and to have a family, but now I have a family and I had to think of them, my health and my husband.

Finding a Path Forward After Infertility and Loss

NF: I’ve been on the edge of my seat listening. There’s so much. I do want to remind our listeners that you really take a deep dive into all of this on your Motherhood Intended podcast, where you can hear more about Jacqueline’s story. Infertility and loss can take a toll both physically and emotionally on a partnership and a marriage. How have you and Josh been able to heal and remain strong so that you were both ready for surrogacy?

JB: It definitely takes a toll in more ways than one. It has put a lot of stress on our marriage, everything from having to support my husband, supporting me through the actual fertility treatments, us supporting each other through the loss and learning that as a couple we both grieve differently. It was not just grieving the loss of a pregnancy or a baby, but also grieving the process that having a family isn’t going to look the way that we thought it would. I wasn’t really prepared for that, but we both felt so many different things and at different times. After we lost the twins, we did seek therapy. We had to have a lot of conversations and prioritize our marriage again, because when you’re going through infertility, you can really get on this rollercoaster and you just keep going. Someone told me this phrase once and I really love it. It’s that there’s power in the pause;it applies to so many things but I think especially when you’re navigating infertility. Sometimes you need to scratch the original plan, take a beat, regroup, and focus on something else. That’s been really helpful for my husband and I throughout our journey as well. That is also what helped us get to the point of deciding to do surrogacy because that was never on our radar. That was never in our plans. But when we were able to take a step back and really look inward and say, okay, well what do we want? What is the safest way? And what could that look like? It became really clear to us. But unless you stop what you’re doing and evaluate everything, it’s hard to get there sometimes because it wasn’t your original dream.

Choosing Surrogacy After a High-Risk Pregnancy

NF: That’s the first time I’ve heard that phrase “power in the pause” and I love it. But it’s true, because when you’ve experienced profound grief and also profound joy, I think you need the space and time to realize that you go through the process of experiencing the loss and the grief and the joy together and it does take a while. So you manage to have both of these together and hold them both as you move forward to build your family. You mentioned surrogacy was never part of the plan. When your doctor finally recommended this to you, can you share how you felt?

JB: The first time it came to my mind was when I was on bedrest for that month in the hospital by myself, pregnant with Noah. I was at a breaking point myself and I didn’t know if I could do this again mentally, even if someone told me that physically, I could carry a pregnancy. I truthfully only knew about surrogacy from celebrities and it seemed like something unattainable for me and my family. When my doctor brought it up, I felt two things at once. You said joy and grief can coexist and that’s exactly what I felt in that moment. I felt relief. It felt like a weight off my shoulders knowing that there is a way and there are women out there that can help us achieve our family’s dreams. But there was also that little piece that I had to grieve. I felt a little sad that that was the end of the journey for me.

The hope and the relief definitely outweighed the grief but it’s definitely there. I think anyone in any part of their parenthood journey, whether you’ve never been pregnant before or you’ve never had issues and you decided that your family is complete, there’s always that little piece of sadness when that chapter is closed. I felt it all.

Why Jacqueline and Josh Chose a Surrogacy Agency

NF: When you and Josh finally decided to pursue surrogacy, tell me a little bit about how you ended up working with ConceiveAbilities.

JB: Initially, without knowing anything about it, we thought we could do surrogacy on our own. I work in community management and my husband is a people person. There has to be somebody we know that can help us. We realized very quickly after doing some research into surrogacy and the whole process, we would need help from an agency. There is a lot involved from legal and the psychological evaluations and finding that special right match. So much more went into it than we even realized. We interviewed with a few different agencies and from our first phone call with ConceiveAbilities, we felt that we would be taken care of. We felt like immediately somebody was holding our hand and guiding us through every step of the way.

That was invaluable to us. It was at that moment that we knew we could do this. It really allowed us to move forward and feel like this was a real dream within reach for us.

Finding the Right Surrogate: Meeting Maranda

NF: People are often really curious about the match and it really is one of the most important parts of the puzzle in a surrogacy journey. How did you and Josh find the right surrogate to partner with?

JB: It was really important to us that whoever was going to help us on this journey would truly understand how much this meant to us and really know our backstory and what we’ve been through. Not that they would understand because they haven’t been in our shoes in this specific way, but to know we’re coming from a place of grief and trauma, but also grateful and happy and we do have children. It was important for us to know that we could be matched with somebody that was easy going because I have had so much anxiety throughout all of my pregnancies. We needed someone to be the calm to our chaos and the calm to our storm because it’s been a lot for us.

I wasn’t sure what was going to be triggering for me throughout this process. I went into it being totally okay with knowing that someone else is carrying our baby but you don’t know how you’re going to feel until you are in it. We didn’t specifically look for somebody who had been a surrogate before but, after being presented with someone who was an experienced surrogate, that even made us more confident knowing that they would be able to hold our hand a little more throughout the process. They know what this journey looks like. We were really blessed to be matched with Maranda because she fit everything for us. It’s been such an awesome friendship. I didn’t even know if I knew all of the things I was looking for, but the second we talked to each other and started communicating, we just knew. It felt right and it absolutely was. It was an amazing partnership.

NF: Were there times where Maranda did act as a buffer to some of this anxiety?

JB: Yes. We had pretty open communication. Every step of the way, whether it was sending pictures or giving us updates, talking through the anxiety, we were reassured by her. She was always saying, I know you’re probably anxious and I want you to know I’m doing well. And she was open about her anxieties too towards the end, which actually made me feel really good to know that it wasn’t just me experiencing it. She’s human too and she’s about to give birth. It was incredible to have her support.

Navigating Pregnancy and Creating a Birth Plan Together

NF: How did you navigate a birth plan with Maranda?

JB: Because of my complicated pregnancies, a birth plan was never something that was part of my story. Having the birth plan discussion was really eye opening. I learned a lot about pregnancy and delivery that I realized I never really knew. Unfortunately, I’ve never been in labor like that full term. I didn’t know the whole process of delivery, because my experiences were so different. I was so grateful to have ConceiveAbilities leading the way in that discussion with my husband and I and Maranda and her family because I didn’t even know what to ask. Where do we stand? Who’s going to cut the cord? It was actually very therapeutic and very helpful to have this conversation.

The Moment Lorelei Was Born

NF: Let’s talk about what everybody waits for and dreams about: the moment that the surrogate delivers your baby. Can you share that story with us?

JB: We were in the room with Maranda and her family. I feel like we could have heard a pin drop leading up to her delivery. It was the most peaceful experience to witness. We were so ready and nervous, being so close to seeing our daughter in this world, something we never thought would happen. The moment our daughter was born, my husband and I burst into tears. Seeing her perfect and healthy was just surreal. And we’re so grateful that Maranda’s husband had taken videos for us of us holding her and seeing her for the first time. We have that memory to keep forever and to show her one day because it’s really important for us that our daughter knows how she came into this world. That moment was everything I imagined and more. Our hearts are bursting at the seams of gratitude for Maranda.

NF: Tell us about the connection you feel to Lorelei, not only of course now, but even when Maranda was pregnant with her.

jB: I absolutely feel just as connected to her as I did with my other kids. I was a little concerned at first about not feeling like I would be as connected or that it would be different, especially given that I have children here that I birthed. The second Lorelei was born, we did skin to skin. It’s been two weeks and I can’t imagine her not being here and in our arms. It’s just so natural and it is hard to explain actually. It took me by surprise, not being the one to carry her and feel those kicks. None of that has mattered and it all has washed away when my baby is in my arms. It really did take a village to bring her to us and it has been amazing. I don’t notice a difference at all with my connection

It Takes a Village to Build a Family

NF: I love Lorelei’s name. Is there a special meaning at all to her name?

Yes. She’s named after my mom, Laura, who has been my rock not only through our whole fertility journey, but surrogacy as well. Her middle name is Rose, which is my grandma’s name and my sister’s middle name. These three women in my life have truly gotten us to this point, whether it was having a conversation with me, letting me vent, or watching our kids. It means so much to me to name Lorelei after them to honor that it does take a village, not only to raise children but, for a lot of people, it takes a village to have children as well.

Letting Go of Expectations and Embracing a Different Path to Parenthood

NF: You’ve said that you’ve had to throw away a lot of your expectations about bringing your children into the world, including the expectations that you had when you thought it would be so easy to have a family. What would you tell your younger self now?

JB: I would tell my younger self that families are made in all different beautiful ways. Getting your family is just part of the journey. It’s not everything. I think for so long I was so focused on the process of getting there that I couldn’t see that having the family was the big idea, the dream. It wasn’t my dream to be pregnant. It wasn’t my dream to carry so many pregnancies. My dream was to have a family, a close family, a big family. And I wish I could tell my younger self to let those expectations go because doing so will open you up to so many other beautiful possibilities. I don’t regret my journey at all. It has shaped who I am. It has shaped our family and it has shaped my marriage.I wish I could have alleviated some of that stress and pressure and shame along the way, knowing that sometimes you have to let go. Everyone’s body is different and we’re all capable of different things. I wish I could have seen the light at the end of the tunnel knowing that you don’t have to put this all on yourself. You don’t have to do this alone. There are people that can help make your dreams come true.

A Mother’s Day Message of Gratitude for Her Surrogate

NF: What a magnificent Mother’s Day to celebrate for you and, of course, for your surrogate. Being that this is so special for both of you, do you have a message that you’d like to share with Maranda on the impact that she has had on your life?

JB: Maranda, you have absolutely changed our life in more ways than one. It is really a decade of so many things that feels like it’s come to a close in the best way possible. We are so grateful to you, because now we are able to enjoy our family. We feel complete. We feel like we can move forward, without fear and without all of the shame and the grief. We just feel so whole as a family now that we have Lorelei. We couldn’t have done that without you and yourr family.

It’s been a joy to get to know Maranda’s family as well throughout the process. It is so amazing to see women supporting women. My bond with her feels so close and I would do anything for her family. We’ve only known each other for one year, yet I feel so connected to her and so eternally grateful for the joy that she has given our family. Thank you will never be enough. I don’t have words for her, but it is eternal gratitude for sure. She has changed our lives.

Jacqueline’s Advice for Women Considering Surrogacy

NF: That is beautiful. And one final question, Jacqueline, before we go, what would you tell other women who are thinking about becoming a surrogate?

JB: I would tell those women that if you even have an inkling in your heart to help deserving parents grow their family, I would say to go for it. Because the impact is far beyond that person or couple, it is a ripple effect. Our entire family has been awaiting the arrival of Lorelei and cheering us on as we grow our family. The joy that is brought by somebody being a surrogate for somebody else goes far beyond that immediate family. It includes grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles; my sons now have a sister. It is truly amazing. I know there are so many different stories out there. Mine is as unique as the next but there’s always a road that leads to finding that special person. Surrogacy is life changing. It is amazing that there are people out there that can help women and families like me.

NF: Jacqueline, that was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is one of courage. It is one of triumph. It is one of joy and the beauty that comes out of surrogacy. We are grateful that you shared it with our listeners. Have the happiest of Mother’s Days!

JB: Thank you so much. It was such an honor to be on this podcast. ConceiveAbilites will always have a special place in my heart for making this possible for our family.

Have you ever wondered what a difference in someone’s life you could make by becoming a surrogate? If you are inspired to help women like Jacqueline build their family, learn more about becoming a surrogate.

Listen to more surrogacy stories on All Things Conceivable: A Surrogacy Podcast with Nazca Fontes.