Can a parent have a favorite child?

"Can a parent have a favorite child?"

My husband and I were having a nice afternoon barbecue at our friends' garden when this question became a hot topic. We were there with other young parents like us, and we have always enjoyed sharing our parenting experiences with each other, laughing about the countless 'oops' moments, and simply being there to listen and learn from each other.

This question popped out, and we instantly recalled the days when we thought we were our parents' favorite or least favorite child (at least for those of us who had siblings). We just casually laughed at our stories. Some just said it was a childish thought, and that sibling rivalry is a normal thing. Some really felt strongly about their belief of being the least favored child.

Just then, my husband jokingly said that our eldest daughter is my favorite. To which I exclaimed, "No! I love them just the same."

I have two daughters, and to me, they are uniquely beautiful and talented. Each has a gift that makes her special. I could not bear the thought of loving one more than the other, or seeing one of them as more important than the other.

One of our friends commented, "Perhaps we don't feel it (favoritism) as parents, but we do as children."

Perspectives. It's all a matter of which shoes we are wearing. When I was younger, there had been times when I felt that my mother favored my sister. I always felt like she expected more from me because I was the older sibling, which I found really unfair. Emotionally, I was shattered, not only because it was taboo for me to openly express my feelings to my mom, but also because I started to doubt my worth. I struggled a lot until one day, I mustered up all my courage to discuss the issue with her. I asked her so many 'whys', and my mom (bless her heart) cried. She had no idea that I was bottling up all those insecurities inside.

This was what she told me, "It is not that I expected you to do more because I love you less, but because I know that you are capable. I always knew that you can be great!"

And that was all I needed to hear to realize what I misunderstood.

Now that I am a parent myself, I see things in a wider perspective. A parent's love is boundless and infinite. Therefore, it cannot be more or less. As children have their own uniqueness in their attitudes, behaviors and abilities, we as parents need to be flexible enough to meet their needs. To one child we may need to show more patience, to another we may show more trust. To one we may need to be more firm, to one be more relaxed. To one we may need to give more shove, to another just a gentler push to motivate them. However, this does not mean that we love one more and the other less. Sadly, this is where it gets mistaken as playing favorites.

For me, a parent's love is tailored uniquely to the needs of our child. It is ready to be bent and fold, twisted and turned just to be the right fit. That is why I think a parent's love is one of the most beautiful things in the whole world - it is boundless, flexible and unconditional!

As for me, I appreciate my children's individuality and I am amazed at my growing ability to adapt and to multiply love. What I know for sure is that I love them more than anything in the world.

As with my children, when you ask them how much they love me, one will say "to the moon and back", while the other will say "£20!"

Oh the joy of parenthood!