Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Sixteen years ago I went through a very contentious and messy separation and second divorce. I won't go into all the gory details here, suffice it to say it was not a happy time in my life.

The crux of the matter was years of physical, emotional and mental abuse I had to put up with from a narcissistic, pathological liar. What was more, she was cheating on me, and that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. Of course, there were a great many contributing factors to how things got so messy. One of the main problems was the involvement of other people, and by that I don't just mean a lover on the side. I mean people, family and friends, who had only heard one side of the story and took the twisted tale as gospel. As they say, blood is thicker than water and her entire family turned against me. Most vociferous was one of her sisters, who I shall name Beatrice.

Beatrice called me a liar about her sister's cheating, even though I had clear proof. To make matters worse, Beatrice manipulated everybody into believing that my wife's affair was all a figment of my over fertile imagination and insecurity. The consequence of Beatrice's campaign against me was that nobody would believe me and formed the opinion that I was a bad sort, for which I was completely ostracised.

Fast forward to 2015 and one day I called at the apartment where Beatrice lived to collect my young son she had been baby sitting. My son was out playing with his cousins. Beatrice invited me in for a coffee. By this time a lot of things had settled down and I had no problem accepting the invite. I asked about her husband James who didn't seem to be around. Beatrice broke down and told me that they were getting a divorce. It was all down to Beatrice finding out that James had been cheating on her, which didn't at all surprise me.

As she sat back on the sofa sobbing Beatrice, without the slightest sense of irony, said the worst of it was that nobody would believe her. I thought back to how she herself had manipulated everybody to disbelieve me in identical circumstances and could not believe she didn't see the irony of what she was saying. Beatrice actually wanted to cry on my shoulder about how she had had to suffer the self same treatment as she had dished out to me ten years earlier.

Of course, I felt fully vindicated. Beatrice had had a taste of her own medicine. I said nothing to rub salt into her wounds. There was no point. She was, at last, feeling my pain.That was all I could ever have asked for. Maybe later, in some quieter moments on her own, in a more reflective mood, she would understand the irony.

This was not the first time I had found myself in this type of situation. My first divorce ended in strangely identical circumstances. I remember during the break-up calling in on a mutual friend of the family called Linda. On that occasion I found Linda very unfriendly, to say the least. My wife had been cheating and Linda chose to believe the lies told about me and to cover my ex wife's back. Linda kept me at the door and in a very unpleasant tone made it clear I was not at all welcome with my lies about my ex having an extra marital affair, an affair my ex had already admitted to my face, but not to others.

Years later I saw Linda by chance in town and she came over to me. She wanted to cry on my shoulder as she had just discovered that her husband of many years had been having an affair with his cousin. Amazingly, Linda asked if I had time for a coffee so she could off-load her troubles and woes. I simply stated I didn't have time, just as she didn't have time for me all those years ago and off she went crying. As the saying goes, what goes round comes round.

I have to say, it never ceases to amaze me how karma works in terms of putting people in their place. I suppose there are a few lessons to be learned here. First off is keep your nose out of other peoples' business. Two, if you do turn people away in their time of need, don't be too surprised if in your time of need you are left standing all alone. Three, do not jump to conclusions that what you have been told is the truth. And don't be too quick to judge others when you don't know the full story. However, I think the biggest lesson to be learned to be very careful what you dish out as for sure one day you will get a taste of your own medicine. And as my mother once observed, those who dish it out can seldom take a plateful themselves.