Break Free

I write about what I know, what I have seen and become engulfed in for over 15 years. Growing up there were no norms for women’s empowerment. I grew up in the era like many women with the cattiness, the girl cliques and the in’s and out crowd. However coming from a woman dominated family. I have literally seen it all. I was exposed to every kind of woman from young. I knew what I aspired to be from the women I was exposed to.

Despite what cards life dealt I have always seen the strong women. Even through pain, stress and oppression. An 80s baby who grew up in Brooklyn NY. I had no choice but to have thick skin, therefore I was born a survivor. Born ready with armor and protective gear to roll with the punches or get rolled over.

I remember watching one of my aunts read Essence magazine. Watching her dress to the nines in her best faragomo shoes and expensive Tiffany’s sets, perfume and always rocking a fly hair do. I knew she worked hard or else how else could she afford this? I would wait until she left to presend to be her. While sitting on her bed and flipping through essence magazine as Anita Baker “ who is my faveorite singer” sang in a mellow tone In the background sweewweeeeeeeeetttttttt Loooooooooveeeee .

I seen the faces that adorned the pages from Susan Taylor to Nikkie Taylor who resembled my aunt, or who my aunt copied. Those tiny cornrows to the back hanging with just enough class. I would prance around in her expensive shoes and spray her exotic perfumes. All while my grandmother screamed at me from down stairs in the kitchen preparing a dinner for nearly 9 grandchildren, a husband three other children and herself. “ child if you don’t take off her expensive shoes she will kill you if she catch you” I still took my chances. My Grandmother, not another alive can’t take her place. A seamstress a mother of twelve A wife and grandparent to over thirty grandchildren, twenty six great grand children and now about twenty plus great great grands. Married for over sixty years. She and my grandfather met in JHS and were married by high school. Death did them part.

I could never fill her shoes. She was a cook, a chef, a doctor, a seamstress, a lover and personally my best friend. I was her favorite. “ I mean don’t mention it to the others, they may get jealous” She was everything is new mellinials aren’t. She was the best. Diagnosed with Diabetes with her last child. Yet despite her diagnosis she never complained, while keeping the family together. I never heard her complain. But back to my aunt the baby, who is ten years my senior. The main one I looked up to her style was unmatched, her beauty and shape. The package was well put together, and get this, EVERY DUDE IN THE DANM NEIGHBORHOOD WANTED PARTS. You know the last child is always the spoiled. I was her fave price as well. “ let’s face it I was everyone’s fave” I mean everyone loves Fee.

Neither here nor there. She always made sure I was straight, and I held onto her every word. In my eyes it was the closest thing to golden.

Then last but not least my mom. I watched my mother struggle not always having ends, but being a single mother of two little brown kids at the time wasn’t easy when the sperm donor never helped. Anyway she wasn’t too proud to beg. She worked her asssssss off to ensure that my brother and I were taken care of. I didn’t always see the beauty, although she was and is beautiful. Yet her beauty was devoured by her pain, resentment, anger, frustration, stress, bills, the what if’s. But she is a a hustler. I think that’s where I get my Hustle and Grind. sge taught me the importance of having your own, not depending on anyone, creating your own lane and never being afraid. However somewhere along the lines she lost that grind & allowed fear to set in, she became content and set. She married my step dad and had my youngest brother-but she didn’t rebound. She was happy, but just how happy was she?

Fast forward to me, little ole Fee trying to find her place in this lifetime. Feeling out my spots, connecting my own dots. Now even though I didn’t touch on all of my aunts let’s just say I have literally been exposed to. The one who lives with regrets unable to get out of her own way, evil, the shinning star, the terry of the family( terry as in soul food), the singers, the wanted by many, the strong, the Clair huxtable, and the queen pen who ended up getting turned onto her own supply.

Yeah so you see, I have seen it all, and didn’t even count my aunts on my biological Father side. That’s a whole different story.

I knew that I wanted to change the narrative and empower women as a whole. Therefore when I became a woman with my own mind I set out to debunk the myth that women couldn’t authentically support and love one another, build and grow together, and create together. I created my organization For Women By Women. My motto was “Together we make things happen” but Together soon became I.

Women’s empowerment is unconventional to say the least and may very well be a myth. Nevertheless I stillll push through afte fifteen years. I still find the broken women, the fake and phoney, the issue after issue. I am still unsure what women’s empowerment should be. My definition changes with every woman that crosses me, who claims to be a friend but is really a foe, the energy thieves, the broken and need to be mend, the jealous, the latch on. The list goes on and on. One thing that remains the same is. I have been in a mission since childhood to find what was in between those pages of Essence magazine. The real Black girl magic, love and sisterhood. Although I have yet to find it, I have a lifetime to create it.

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