Birthdays are complicated

It's my birthday this coming Monday, and there is this constant thought of me not willing to celebrate it. To be honest, this thought has been there for a very long time now.

One may call this adulting and would just let this slip, but not me. My sister here, who is just 10 days older than me, was super excited for her birthday, she was everywhere, super cheerful and happy. And when I was asked about plans for mine, I was like "I'm not even celebrating it!". I have no idea why I said that out loud, but it got me thinking about that for days. I definitely wanted to write something about this but, I was so empty about it. I have finally collected myself to write something, not necessarily the solution, but how I perceived things and how some people helped me with a different point of view.

See, the thing is that I'm not alone in this; there are a lot of people just like me, and people quite the contrary too. After talking to many of them over time, I had some realisations and reached some conclusions. You may disagree with me and that's totally fine. In fact, I'd love to know your thoughts about this.

Starting with the people who are very excited about their birthdays. I've usually found them to be overly optimistic and definitely extroverted. Actually, almost always! I know it's a vague thing to say and not to mention some generalisation but, yeah that's the best way I can put it. They're just well-received and pampered and people like to do things for them. Although, understand I'm not stating people as good or bad, sometimes even the good people are not well-received.

On the other hand, people are just introverted and may have social anxieties. I certainly don't have anxiety but, I am an introvert and always carry this feeling that I'm being judged or something. I do have good reasons to believe that but, I'm just not getting into all that right now.

Interestingly, sometimes people just feel like that they haven't achieved enough, they usually feel like they don't deserve it, they feel the need to have something to prove that they deserve some happiness. Another way to put it would be, they just keep waiting for something greater, something prominent and end up totally undermining these small sweet moments.

It may even be the case that people feel underappreciated or they're just not able to feel close to the people they know or even love. It may seem a little weird to you, but get this, you celebrate things to share happiness don't you? It just feels good, doesn't it? But what if you don't feel connected? All of a sudden, it all means nothing.

See, your birthday is the day when you brought happiness to your parent's life, and no matter what terms you're on with them, it would always mean something to them, so just don't get mad at them if they ask about it. Also, it's the day when you tell people how much you love them, and they tell you how much you mean to them. It's beautiful! And if you have people wanting to celebrate with you, don't take it away from them and yourself, please. But, just say that no one cared about you and doesn't even remember about your cake day. It's sad, but only once, at least now you know what to expect and who to give your time to. Maybe, you can be someone's light on your birthday. After all, it's all about making and being happy, isn't it?

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