Belfast

Little Black Book

“ My dearest Roiseen ( ro sheen) Happy Birthday!!!! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. I’m so sorry for putting you, your siblings and your mother through everything I did.

If I could have, I would have stayed. Hopefully by the end of this letter, you’ll understand a little more. When I became sick, I couldn't stay with you through all of that. For that I’m sorry. Today is a day for all of us to stop and celebrate you. Today is your day. I know you’ve turned into such a beautiful young woman. There is a reason you;re getting this letter and package today. It was in my plan and my will. Which your mother now has seen. You received this as intended I hope you find adventure and yourself along the way, Be cautious and safe as always

Your dearest dad “

Roiseen gently set the letter on her lap while slumping into her love seat in her studio apartment. While also holding what treasures in this little black book. At first glance it just looked like a bunch of numbers and lists. Upon further inspection, it was noticed that it was a travel log, Roiseen immediately knew that this was what her father wanted for her. To go to these locations and see the world.

We didn’t know about dad or his illness until his death. Although shortly after he disappeared we found a note he had written to my mom and us kids. She couldn’t and didn’t want to remember that day.

Roiseen’s siblings have all now grown and have had families of their own. And moved away from home. So dad left this for me to receive, on this day.

My birthday.

How did this happen, how did my dad know to make this happen, it had me questioning my family for a moment. My ad was telling me to go on this journey.

Me.

Immediately i felt as if i was back at his funeral, saying “goodbye”

“ I’m okay dad, I promise” said Roiseen

Rosieen’s body had decided she was going to before she had. She had been rushing around her small apartment for all her camping and travel gear from L.L. Bean Stuffing a few essentials in the bag; a toothbrush, hair brush, sweater, swimsuit, sneakers. She was already wearing boots. Before she could realize what she had already done, Roiseen was out of breath sitting on her bed. Bags packed.

“Work, oh crap!” Roiseen worked from home and knew she had plenty of PTO time. She couldn't even remember what she said when she called out of work. Having some savings. Plus the small inheritance she received after her fathers death. Roiseen next found herself in an Uber on the way to the airport. What was she doing? “Rosey” as her family calls her is always so safe and cautious and never just jumps the first flight to Belize.

The travel log called to go to the local BBQ for further instructions. “Further instructions” Roiseen whispered under her breath, sounding annoyed. Once there, it was as if stepping back in time. Nothing had been updated since this place opened, clearly. Though all the locals seem to recognize her. They walked her to her room, which was right on the water. Ocean breeze air feeling the room Roiseen flopped onto the king sighed. Tired from travel.

“okay , what now dad?”

Right then she got a knock on her door from one of the locals from the BBQ inviting her to a part on the beach. Rosey happily accepted the invite and took off right then.

Walking back to her room under the star kissed sky, she just really started to realize and understand “ Thank you, dad” she said right before dozing off to the sounds of the ocean waves and sounds of crickets in the air.

Was Roiseen supposed to stay or go? Looking through the travel logs. Dad had only stayed here one night.Grabbing her bags and passport she requested a ride to the airport. Locals and staff waved her off. The net stop South Wales Australia .” Australia ?” thought Roiseen. She took an Uber to airport and next location

An Airbnb that was 30 minutes away from the Airport. This was a small one bedroom home at the end of a sandy road, covered in vines, almost all over. Shutting the door behind her she makes her way with her bags to the unit. The place was small; covered in vines and surrounded by trees, bushes, flowers, shrubbery. All nature has to offer. Going back in side she found a small note on the living room table.

“Dad?” Rosey whispered

“ Welcome my dearest Rosieen,

I brought you here to rest and show you a very spiritual place for me. I’m your dad, I know you. You’re me. I’m a part of you. Take the trail out back, all the way. You’ll find a small swimming hole and a stream. Wash off, take a dip and let the water wash over you and wash the trip off. Then come back and take a tub with a glass of wine. There is a bottle of your favorite in the fridge, I had the staff prepare. You’ll love it. Enjoy -Dad

“Whoa” Roiseen said aloud changing into her suit and she went back to follow her dad's instructions. Down to the stream. She swam, splashed water on herself and laid down in the stream. Her dad was right, this was a spiritual experience. Only for her. Made for her, something she needed.

After her bath Roiseen got into her pajamas and took her glass of wine and a small blanket onto the deck. She sat her wine down beside her and holding the small blanket she crawled into the hammock on the deck. Waking up to the birds singing and the sun starting to come up. Rosey must have been tired. For the first time since her journey, she didn't want to leave just yet. And apparently neither did her father. He stayed two nights. Rosey could rest, take the quiet and breathe. She then waited until twilight to go back down the trail to the swimming hole. Bringing a flashlight with her if needed. The somewhat cold spring water felt as if it were warming her and her soul. Roiseen felt at peace.

The next morning Roiseen woke before her alarm. “ Next stop dad?.....Bali, Indonesia! Wow” this was one place she had always wanted to visit. To experience the culture and diversity. Also hoping for a spiritual awakening. Wth the rush of excitement Rosey bored flight 217, nothing but excitement in her eyes

One long flight later, Rosey stepped onto Indonesian, soil. Immediately she began to feel overjoyed and excited for the next adventure. The travel logs took her to a small village. Another note upon entering the bungalow.

“ My dearest Rosey, I didn't make plans for you. I know you’ve always wanted to be here in the thick of it all. Rest and enjoy yourself for what is to come. Immerse yourself in the culture and feelings you get from this beautiful place. -Love dad”

“ Okay that’s weird. Something is odd, dad not having a plan for me here ? Maybe this was a mistake? Maybe this was when he started to fall too ill. “ Roiseen thought to herself

Booking herself her own travel experience for herself, she booked to go see the sunsets on the black sand beaches famous in Bali. Wondering if she should have gone to experience the elephants? While Roiseen would never ride one, they are sacred animals. “ Maybe if I have time dad. “ came slipping out of her mouth.

The experience with the black sand beaches took Rosey on a journey, she will not soon forget. The quiet sand beaches. Feeling the sand in her toes, she felt grounded for the first time in a long time. She took one picture before sitting in the sand. Quietly, without noticing she put her hand down on the sand “ Thank you dad” Roiseen could feel her dad with her while she sat in the sand. Watching the lipstick smeared, cotton candy sky. A site only to be seen only in person.

Tomorrow she could be going on her last adventure she thought as she dozed off to sleep that night in the soft white cotton bedding. Sleep does not come naturally to Rosey, that night she slept fully and peacefully, rising again with the morning sun.

“ SHIT! I have flights to catch” Roiseen yelled, rushing to shove her things in her bag before catching her two flights. Where was she going now? “Ireland!?” whispered Roiseen while taking a deep breath in. She was feeling tension, Ireland is Mom and Dads home. “The motherland” the family would snicker and laugh growing up. Not knowing she herself would be there one day.

“ Attention ladies and gentleman, please take your seats and buckle up for our final descent into Dublin, Ireland” came over the intercom in the last few minutes.

“ Here we go! Where to now dad?” said Rosey.

Belfast Ireland, a city on the coast of Ireland, thriving on agriculture from the sea and harvesting. Rosey had heard stories, but nothing compares to the feeling she had as she entered the city, while taking the train along the coastline to the city. Roiseen opened a letter from her dad before emerging from the train station

“ This is your home, where we are from. Your people, our culture. This city is yours. Take the small road behind the red brick fish market once you get off the train. From then you’ll reach yourself at the end of the road, take a left. The fourth house down on the left. That’s ours, yours now baby girl. It was always meant for you. Your mom and I lived here and decided it belongs to you before we left, to take you and your sisters closer to family in the states. At the time it was our only option for your mother and I, and you girls. But this, this is your home. Your forever home, always. Your mother and I saw the spark in you. It belongs in your hands. You were meant to find this place, our place. Your forever home, for a small time or however you long want to stay. Everything is purchased and taken care of by the neighbors. When we left. Enjoy it my sweet baby Roiseen, Our Rosey. Love you always- dad” Rosey wiped tears from her eyes. Knowing how much this meant to her and her family, especially her dad. Her dad was last here. This was her home. “The motherland” a smile came across her face thinking back to those days of snickers and laughter with her sisters. This is her home, her heritage, culture. She was home. Along with the note, dad had made a list of places to visit while in Belfast, and all over Ireland. Belfast was exactly how her parents described it when she was a kid. Nothing seems unchanged.

The people, exactly as dad described. Kind and welcoming, as if they knew she was coming. The food, The food, they never told us much about it. A traditional Irish dish, something brings you back years while eating. The people she knew “Family” now gave her more places to see along with her places from dad. Taking another look at the list before entering the beautiful roadside home surrounded by a short wall of stone. The last place on the list, “my gravesite”

Roiseen’s dad was last here before dying. He didn’t forget about us, leave us or not take care of us. Rosey’s heart fell as she sank into the light blue couch in the living room when you first walked into the house. Her house now. Not knowing how to feel she started to pace back and forth, and anxiety tick for Roiseen.

Hoping the city would give her answers, she left the house and he bags behind. Closing the beautiful white and teal/blue door. Ignoring all the other places on the list. Roiseen started for her fathers grave site. Finding it, falling to her knees sobbing. Rosey gave way to her feelings. Sobbing on her fathers grave it all came back to her. Him leaving.

Him dying.

Not knowing it at the time her mind was already deciding for her. She was staying. Not knowing for how long, but she was staying. Once gathering herself back together she walked back to her home to call her mom.

“ Sweetheart, you made it!” Roiseen's mom said with excitement.

“ Mom dad was here, he had a plan for me even when I didn’t. I can’t leave this place without finding more out about dad, and myself” Rosey spoke softly into the phone.

“ I know baby” her mother whispered back.

Roiseen sat on the soft blue couch with pillows and blankets all around. Smitten and taken back at the same time. What dad had planned for her. Shocking as it was, Roiseen calmly stood up and placed the little black book in the bookshelf across the room, so it wasn’t easily caught by the naked eye. Before making herself a cup of tea on the wood fire stove. Rosey decided not to leave Belfast.

One day a few weeks after arriving in Belfast Rosey took the train a few ways down the coast to see the hillside cliffs her dad told her about in the list. Getting off the train all she could smell was the water, marshes and the ocean breeze. Rosey took her time to get there, in no rush. As if the whole country was in no rush, time moved slower for Rosey. She wanted the full experience. When arriving at some of the historic hillside cliffs, they took her breath away. So much so she fell down crying. Sobbing for the beauty, experience, herself and her dad. She made it here. For this moment. She knew that in this moment, that this was what life was about. Not fame, fortune, or anything materialistic. But for this, this experience. The experience with herself, her dad and her gods.

Roiseen never left the house to go back home. She made Belfast her home. This place was made for her, this was her new home. She felt this wholeheartedly.

Today, Roiseen looks back and wonders why not sooner? She never will know. She does know that Belfast is her home and plans to make a list for her children to whom she was first expecting with her new husband Cian ( Kee-an).

“ The day came for me to come home ……” Roiseen started to write letters when she found out she was expecting her first child. She went on to explain that while she decided to stay in Belfast, she didn’t expect her children to want to or follow the same path. Just always remember the weight of something isn't always measured in money, or status. The real gold lays within your heart and family and heritage.

-ej