Barbecue Etiquette

By the time you read this, another Fourth of July will have come and gone again. Everybody's favorite pass time during the holiday is joining up with family and friends and having an old fashioned barbecue. There are a few rules of etiquette that everyone should follow when showing up to a Black barbecue that can actually get you put out if not followed properly. Now please do not be offended by this, I only write about a Black barbecue because I am Black, and I know of which I speak. Other cultures may do things differently, and I do not want to assume.

As always, we had a barbecue with family and friends this holiday, and I actually took the survey. I asked everybody I came in contact with, "What can get you kicked out of a barbecue?" My family did not disappoint. In no particular order, here are the results.

1. Bringing extra people

You may be invited, and with that invitation, we might include your spouse and child(ren). Maybe a plus one, but your cousin-sister-auntie- best friend and all of her friends were not invited. We are usually a "the more the merrier" type of people. In fact, if we are doing the barbecue in a public place and we see people around, we might even invite a few to come eat with us because we truly believe in fellowship, except when it comes to making sure that everybody has enough food to eat. It is one thing if you have called ahead of time and said, "hey, I got some people with me because this situation or that," and the host says, "well bring them with you. We have plenty," but to just show up... You might as well turn around and go the other way. I have observed my share of embarrassments from this, not that I personally have done it. I know better, but I know some people who have done it, and I would hate for anybody else to be in their shoes.

2. Bringing food you know nobody is going to eat

We don't eat raisins in our potato salad, Karen. Our macaroni and cheese has a certain consistency. If you cannot cook, just bring some drinks, help out with extra table and chairs, paper plates and cups are always nice...we got this in the kitchen. It's okay, baby. Go sit down and enjoy being a guest. We have some real cooks in the family who not appreciate your contribution anywhere near theirs. Don't get offended when your whole pan of spaghetti winds up in the trash because you put in cut up hot dogs.

3. Be aware that almost everything in the refrigerator may wind up on the grill

My cousin wanted me to tell you that there was a barbecued brick of bologna this Forth of July. Who brought it? I am not quite sure, but we all know that if it can be barbecued, it most likely will. This is especially true if there is a lot of older people at your barbecue. They will find anything to grill for any occasion. Don't mess with them. This might be the best thing you have ever eaten. (The bologna was not for me, but there were people who seemed to enjoy it)

4. If someone is already on the grill, they are over the grill

You may be a professional grill master. Nobody cares about that if Uncle Johnny has been on the grill already. Do not go over there asking any questions of his grilling, including "About how much longer do you think it's going to be?" or "Do you mind if I..." The answers are yes, he minds, and the food will be done when it gets done. He may allow you over the grill after he's already grilled up everything he planned on grilling, but until then, do not go over there, touching anything unless he asks you to flip a burger. And if he asks you to flip a burger, that is the only burger you flip. Do not do anything extra.

5. Do not put more on your plate than you can handle

Everything may look extra delicious, but if you aren't going to eat all of it with appreciation, do not put it on your plate. If you throw away a morsel of food, the person who made it is undoubtedly going to be offended. Along with this rule comes what my cousin calls "finger f'in the food" (yes, he said the actual f word, but for these purposes, we will simply put f). This is about picking over the food, taking one little piece and then continuously coming back for one little piece instead of just getting a plate, and hovering around the table of food while you're eating. Please go sit somewhere else because you're breathing all over what everybody else has to eat (that's just rude in any culture).

6. Don't ask who made something unless you are about to shower them with praise for the amazing taste experience in your mouth

If you don't like something, then you just don't like it. It doesn't matter who made it. If you are curious, you can ask later, but don't ask it while you're at the barbecue. Just slide it off your plate and keep it going. Actually, the rule of not bringing things that nobody is going to eat, might kick in before you even have to ask anything, and an auntie may throw it away anyway. But in case they missed this particular dish because it looked okay, once enough people start throwing it away, whoever made it will get the hint anyway.

7. Do not mess with the DJ

This is kind of right up there with the grill. Whoever started playing the music, is in charge of the music. Unless most of the group isn't enjoying the music that they are playing, don't try to play yours. I was at a birthday barbecue not too long ago, and the birthday girl was playing her music. Then an uninvited guest (do not invite extra people rule) decided to play their music over hers. This started a fight between the uninvited guest and the birthday girl's brother.

8. Watch your drink intake and your indulgence of any other substance you decide to partake in

Have a good time. Enjoy yourself. Do not overdo it. Know your limits. Nobody likes the drunk. Enough said.

9. Do not start a fight

We all know what behaviors will start a fight. We like things peaceful when we are just here to have a good time. Just know that if you come looking for a fight, you might get one, and then get tossed out. Come on in, have a good time, and behave yourself like someone who wants to stay.

10. The one that everyone said before I told them it was already on the list, do not take plates of food home especially if you contributed nothing

You didn't bring a can of soda, but you're taking plates home. There is a difference from a host saying, "we have no room for the leftover. Please, take all you want," and you just going in with the to go plates. Did everybody eat? Does anybody want seconds? Is there enough to go around for everybody to take food home? Then it's one thing for you to take some more of the food that you like for yourself, but then you're in the kitchen taking for your spouse and kids at home that you didn't bring. One to go plate is your limit if that. Again, sometimes the host really doesn't want the leftovers and they may offer more. In that instance, it's fine to take more, but if it is not offered, don't get greedy.

It was a great time at the family barbecue this past weekend. It also happened to be a family members birthday, so there was more than enough to go around. Everybody was invited, everybody was on their best party behavior, and we had a good time. Good conversation, good food, good music, and amazing love, which at the heart of it all, is all that matters.