Baby Blanket Anew

"Baby Blanket Anew"

Twenty-Four years ago, my son Tanner Ashcraft was born on a beautiful summer day in Salt Lake City Utah. Although my son was born early, everything seemed to go well at first. But, when they brought my baby to me and placed him into my arms, I felt that something was very wrong. He looked so pale and felt very limp as I cradled my listless baby in my arms. Doctors soon discovered that his lungs were starting to fail and they didn’t know why. They immediately life flighted him to Primary Children’s Medical Center and placed him in the newborn neonatal ICU. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. It felt more like one of those stories that you read about in Reader’s Digest magazine or something that happens to someone else. I certainly didn’t believe I would be staring death down with the arrival of my baby. I didn’t get to experience that same blissful home coming that I did with my first child, surrounded by family and friends who would be eager to meet our new addition to the family. Instead, the neonatal ICU became our new home away from home; a place where some babies come to live and some come to die. The sights and sounds of the ICU will forever be etched in my head. The uncertainty of it all was palpable to say the least. Would my son be one of the lucky ones and live to see his first Christmas?

My little boy fought “the good fight” to stay alive for the next few months. A valve that was connected to his lungs was not working properly and his doctors didn’t know why. My husband and I were told at one point that he probably would not make it. I refused to accept the reality of the situation. I wasn’t at all prepared to lose my child... Who ever is? It's not something that you think about when preparing to bring a new life into this world. This was beyond devastating news for us! But, during those dark days, something deep inside me told me that my son had a purpose and a mission in this life, that against all odds he was going to pull through! And sure enough, his tiny lungs began to heal at last. My precious little miracle proved them all wrong and he lived to graduate from the neonatal ICU.

On the day we picked Tanner up from the ICU, the hospital staff gave us a graduation present, a handmade baby blanket to take Tanner home in. But, before we left, one of his nurses told us that she had worked in the ICU for close to 20 years. During that time, she had gotten very accurate at predicting which babies would survive and which would not. She explained that she had gone on vacation two weeks after Tanner had arrived in the ICU. When she returned, she fully expected him to have passed away. She stated that she was rarely, if ever wrong. With great relief and emotion in her voice, she stated emphatically that our little guy must be a gift from God, a living miracle, because aside from her, none of the other nurses felt that he was going to make it either! There are no words to describe the relief I felt as the nurse spoke those words to me, knowing I would be taking him home! I felt so honored and grateful at that moment just to be his mother!

Tanner continued to experience chronic lung problems for the first few years of his life. I can’t count the nights that I had to run to the emergency room in the middle of the night because he was barely breathing! I still tell him that, “You're lucky that your momma is a fast runner”, because there were a few close calls during those early years that still send chills up my spine! But, during the worst of it, his baby blanket was always in tow, since he had grown quite attached to it. These “middle of the night ER visits” became a common occurrence for us until we moved out of the state of Utah. We moved to Arizona, Texas and Georgia. We were relieved to discover that all of his chronic lung problems disappeared after we left Utah. His doctors believe that the dry, high elevation environment found in Utah kept his lungs from fully healing. The poor air quality in Utah undoubtedly contributed to the problem as well.

Tanner slept with his baby blanket until he was around 8 years old. But, by then the blanket was starting to look its age and it even had a few tears in it. “One day”, I said to myself, “I will restore this well loved blanket so that Tanner can pass it on to his own baby”.

My son of grew into a wonderful man and married his high school sweet heart “Kristie”. They bought their first home together one year after they graduated from High school. Tanner went to college before he even graduated from high school. He's always been a very career driven individual. For Tanner and Kristie, everything has worked out perfectly according to their collective plans and dreams.

Just after the 2021 new year they came by our home to tell us that they were expecting their first baby. I’ve never seen Tanner and Kristie so happy! With great excitement they talked about all their plans, the baby names they had picked out, and the gender reveal party that they were go to throw for the Fourth of July. I always knew this brilliant pair would make great parents one day. Family is so important to them both. They spend a lot of their free time hanging out with Kristie’s nieces and nephews. They’re always taking them on ice cream dates, or to the zoo and nearby parks. So, to say that having a child of their very own is a dream come true is an understatement! Their social media sites are flooded with pictures of little ones and anyone can tell that they adore children.

I knew I wanted to restore Tanner’s baby blanket after they announced the big news to us. A few weeks later they found out that they were expecting twins! Sadly, just as soon as the twins were here, the babies miscarried. Kristie's doctor told them that during the early formation and separation process, the twins didn’t form correctly. Their hearts and ours were beyond broken! There are no words to describe the loss we all felt! My son, who is not an overly emotional man, cried for weeks alongside his wife.

In the weeks and months since then, they have been going through the healing process. Recently Tanner told me that they have become much closer as a couple through it all and that they have decided to try again for another baby. Tanner explained that they weren’t going to let this tragedy take them down as a couple and that if they could survive this tragedy, then they could make it through anything! I was so inspired by their courage in the face of such loss! This is truly a rare thing to witness in our day and age where so many couples struggle with infertility and loss.

I decided to restore Tanner’s baby blanket, so that the next time they stop by to announce the big news that they're expecting again, (which could happen any day now), I will be able to hand his baby blanket “fully restored”, back over to them. But in order to restore the blanket to its former glory, I needed to repair a rip in the fabric!

I kept a few other “keep sakes” for Tanner over the years, including a baby outfit with a Sesame Street “Cookie Monster” figure on it. For my creative project, I decide to take a pair of scissors and cut out the cookie monster figure and sew it over the part of his baby blanket that ripped. The colors go really well with the blanket and I can’t wait to see their eyes light up when he sees it. My passion for this project really comes down to turning a very tragic situation into something positive! I want to help my kids to create new, happy memories and restoring this baby blanket is just the start! If I win this contest, I would like to use some of the proceeds to surprise them both with a new baby nursery! So, with this in mind, the creative magic has just begun!