At Long Last, Sarah Smiled

The little black notebook was the only item left, the only thing with her name on it; everything else had been picked over. Her mum’s jewelry, her dad’s musical instruments, even the house itself was up for sale. There had been some discussion about living in the house after the death of her father, but that idea was quickly scuttled in favor of selling up and paying off some debts. Sarah wanted to buy the house, but she was a few thousand dollars shy of affording the down payment. Her siblings, in their eagerness to move on, didn’t consider that their plan would effectively make her and her daughter homeless.

Sarah had spent the last eighteen months living with and looking after her elderly father. An ugly divorce left Sarah and her daughter, Charlie, with great instability and few options. When the savings ran dry, her dad suggested that she and Charlie move in with him, at least until she could get on her feet.

Their relationship until that point had been a difficult one. Sarah was the youngest of three and the most like him. Same creative mind, a shared stubborn streak. Her dad did the best he could to be supportive, but life had taught him that dreams are for rich people, not the working class. There wasn’t much encouragement from her mum, who was either complaining that they didn’t have enough money or yelling at her husband to turn the volume on the TV down because she couldn’t hear her herself think. They worked hard and did the best they knew how to do for their kids, which was more than their parents had done for them. Still, unless it was a practical goal, like get married and have kids, they had little helpful advice to offer. When Sarah graduated from high school, she was given a set of luggage and wished the best of luck.

As the years passed, Sarah made her way through life the best way she knew how: alone. No matter how hard she tried, relationships never worked out. Her dreams of being a singer faded as musical notes didn’t pay rent like a “normal” 9-5 did. A series of moves meant that all her friendships were doomed to last a couple of years at most. Nothing ever seemed to go right. Raised by parents who weren’t able to relate to her experience, asking them for help always felt like an open invitation to criticism. Sarah’s siblings had their own lives and being around them was a reminder of how dysfunctional her life was. Determined to do things according to the rules of a life not her own usually led to a dead-end or total disaster. The only thing that kept her going was her daughter, Charlie.

For Sarah, having a child brought changed everything and created a sense of purpose where none had existed before. Levelheaded, witty, and fiercely independent, Charlie, short for Charlotte, was a precocious kid who kept Sarah laughing, especially through the tears. Eventually, the ups and downs of life led Sarah full circle, returning to the home she grew up in.

In that very house, in her old room, Sarah sat down on the edge of the bed and began flipping through the little black notebook. The pages were filled with song lyrics, sketches, and a small key with a sticky note attached. The note had a bank name, a box number, followed by what looked like an account number.

The next day, Sarah walked through the doors of a bank in the middle of the city, a bank she’d never before set foot in. She asked an associate if they recognized the key and minutes later, was sitting at a desk across from the bank manager and a safety deposit box. The manager confirmed Sarah’s identity as the owner of the box and slid a brown envelope across the desk, before excusing himself from the room.

Sarah stared at the envelope for a while, then reached for it, undid the fastener and shook it, causing a letter fell to the floor. She reached down, opened unfolded the pages and immediately recognized the handwriting: it was her dad’s.

My Sweet Sarah,

If you’re reading this, I’m no longer here - sorry about that. As it turns out that nothing lasts forever and when your time is up, it’s up. I didn’t talk about it much, but I’ve been missing your mum for the last ten years. I’d never met anyone with a sharper wit or who could make me laugh like her. I hope I get to be with her again. The preacher down the road said I’d be, so let’s at least pretend that he’s right.

You know I’ve never been very good at articulating my feelings about certain things, a failing I wish I could go back and change. My family was terrible in that department and your mum’s wasn’t much better. We did the best we could for you kids, we really tried to be what our parents didn’t know how to be. It might not seem like it, but once upon a time, we had dreams: have a house, a car, some kids, and a dog or two. Retire and travel the world once the kids left home, that kind of thing. Not all dreams come true, but we did alright. We were so proud of you all. I wish we’d have told you that.

You’re a lot like me and it drove your mum crazy sometimes. Creative and stubborn, but incredibly kind, no matter who you were around. And your voice; anytime you started to sing, my world came to a halt. We tried to figure out a way to pay for music lessons, but we couldn’t swing it. I’m sorry we couldn’t let you dream bigger, we didn’t want you to get hurt.

I should have been there for you, but I didn’t know how to tell you that you could come home. You’re home now but I have a feeling our time together will be short lived. Thank you for putting up with this grumpy old man. Thank you for making the house feel like a home again. By the way, that Charlie of yours is something else and you’re doing a great job; your mum would be proud. Take care of her and if she doesn’t know it, tell her I love her.

I love you, my Sweet Sarah, I always will.

Dad

P.S. I hope the stuff in the box helps. It’s all yours.

After what felt like an eternal deluge of tears, Sarah pulled herself together and turned her attention to the box. She opened the lid and gazed at its contents in astonishment. Just there, in neat little piles, sat $20,000 in cash: enough money for the down payment on the house. For the first time in a long time, Sarah closed her eyes and smiled.