At 28, My Value in the Indian Marriage Market Is Crashing

The first time I heard the term ‘The Marriage Market’ was back in 2011. During a conversation with a friend about why we decided to pursue dentistry as a career, she told me her reason was that it has value in the marriage market.

Having grown up abroad, I had no idea what it meant.

‘I mean the matrimony sites when you reach marriageable age. If you are a doctor, it’s obvious you are well-educated and smart. That’s what all families look for,’ she said.

‘So, you are telling me you didn’t become a dentist because you wanted to?’ I questioned her.

‘I do like science, and my parents wanted me to become a doctor. Once I become one, I will get better proposals in the future. Once I marry a doctor, my life is secure. I can work if I want to or not.’

‘You don’t want to work after marriage?’ I asked incredulously.

The concept of being a housewife was not something I could digest.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she continued. ‘Look at our seniors who got married. They are all sitting at home now. The degree is so they can say the girl is a doctor while searching for a groom. Girls with professional degrees have a much higher value.’

The culture of arranged marriages

If I didn’t understand what my friend said back in 2011, everything became crystal clear as soon as I hit the marriageable age.

In India, culture, traditions, and rituals form the framework of society. Arranged marriages have been a part of the Indian culture for centuries. To this day, it is the preferred way for young men and women to enter matrimony.

India has over 1500 matrimony sites and portals to make this possible. The concept is vastly different from that of Western Culture, where finding a partner yourself is the norm. Indians prefer to let their family choose for them.

Arranged marriages are organized through a long drawn-out process that may take months, or years. There is a saying you do not marry a person, but their entire family.

Finding the perfect match involves several criteria like family, social status, caste, religion, horoscope, education, and career. Even if the man or woman has found a life partner through love, they are put through these criteria to make sure it is a good match.

Even in modern times, the age-old tradition of arranged marriages continues to thrive.

Stepping into the Marriage Market

My entry into the market began with the creation of a profile on a famous matrimonial site by my father. At 25, it was already too late. There is an acceptable timeline for a woman to get married in India — specifically, the age of 22 to 26. Beyond this, it becomes more grueling to find the right match. Three years ago, this is what my father told me, as he browsed through the site looking at various profiles.

Over the last three years, I have seen my parents spend hours on the site to no avail. While I remained stubborn in wanting to work, they tried their best to convince me that finding a suitable groom was of top priority. The reason? I wasn’t getting any younger. After all, my career could begin once I was married and settled.

By the time a suitable candidate passed through all filters, the result was rejection.

The difference in value between men and women

My brother, who is four years older, also joined the matrimony scene at the same time as I did. A few years back, he received his permanent residency in the UK.

While talking to a friend about it, he said, ‘That’s great. His value is going to increase now.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked, rolling my eyes at him.

‘He is a permanent resident. It means better opportunities. His future is secure. A bride’s family is going to want a well-settled guy. The minute he got his PR, his value has increased.’

He is 32 years old, but this age is acceptable for a guy. The better his salary package is, the more value he has in the market.

Comprehending my crashing value

As my family was searching for a bride and groom at the same time, I have seen both sides of the coin. A girl over the age of 29 becomes too old for my brother, while I am a year away from the same spot. Fairness, age, and horoscope become crucial factors for the rejection of a potential bride.

My parents are in no way overly conservative. Yet, they factor in all these points the same as every other parent in India. They want a well-educated working woman. But, she should be ready to shift her life to London. In the same way, starting my career after marriage is expected of me. After all, I will have to move my life to wherever my future husband will be.

If my parents consider a 29-year-old woman too old for my brother to marry, what about me? If her value has diminished because of her age, then mine must have too, as we are in the same boat.

My declining value is a cause for panic

‘Have you found someone yet?’ is the first question any family member asks my brother and me. They want to know what our search has yielded. Close family, distant relatives, random unknown strangers — their worry is evident when they know my age.

‘It’s too late already,’ they say, shaking their heads.

‘It’s going to be difficult now,’ they tell my parents. ‘You should have been more diligent. She has turned 28 already!’

They are worried I will remain single forever.

I don’t see the same desperation when it comes to my brother. I don’t see anyone asking him to put his career on the back burner for the sake of marriage. As a woman, it doesn’t matter if I work or not as long as I find a well-settled husband. My brother, on the other hand, faces the pressure of becoming a ‘well-settled’ prospect.

Arranged marriages are a long, arduous journey involving the opinions of many. While both men and women face similar challenges in finding a suitable partner, women get the shorter end of the stick.

Does the realization of my declining value change anything for me? Of course not. My age does not define me. And I refuse to settle for someone just because I have crossed the prescribed timeline.

When the time is right, it will happen for sure. Until then, I will enjoy watching the steady fall of my supposed ‘marriage market value’.