Are You Still Trying to Pick up the Pieces?

I host a radio weekly internet radio show on the VoiceAmerica Empowerment Channel called Life Altering Events. People often ask me, "What exactly is a life-altering event?" I tell them this—it can be something we choose, or something that is thrust upon us that dramatically alters the trajectory of our life.

On August 20, 2019, my guest was Latachia Morrissette Harper, who is a truly remarkable and inspirational woman. You can hear the conversation here.

Latachia is the author of the book, Life Derailed: A Divorced Mom’s Survival Guide. Her inspiration to write this book was to recover from a very traumatic divorce, and let other women and men know they are not alone. Latachia addresses that your emotions, feelings, grief, sense of loss, questions over how you'll pay your bills, and fear of the future are not unique. If you have not read this book—do it today!

Latachia is also a public speaker, writer, and entrepreneur. Her passion is to motivate and inspire women, especially women with children impacted by divorce. Being in an abusive relationship is life-altering, and divorce can be terrifying and debilitating, but which is worse? She equips women to find their independence and strength, teaching them how to find their voice and love themselves first.

Now, men, don’t see this title and think, “This is a chick book.” It’s not. Latachia provides a common sense approach at time when common sense is often absent. This common sense applies equally to both men and women.

One powerful piece of advice from her book is this:

In dealing with the sorrow of divorce, or of a major loss in your life/family, take one breath at a time, make one decision at a time, and focus on just the current day and what you can achieve. The saddest thing for a child is to be in your presence, and you not really being there. Be in the moment. Embrace them. You control more in life when you don’t let the issues control you.

Another statement she wrote that I loved, and wish I had followed, is “Stop saying you are okay.”

Stop saying you’re okay. Seriously, it’s okay to not be okay. Wait untill the kids are away, and SCREAM, cry, and then get out a piece of paper and write it all down—random thoughts, fears and ideas. Get it out. It’s okay; you have a right to be in this place.

Remember, divorce is a legal process. It is a legal process to become married, and a legal process to end the marriage. It is a huge mistake to rush through the process, or say to your ex, “Just get the papers and I’ll sign them, so we can get this over with.” Don’t ignore this step. There are too many important issues regarding finances, property, and most importantly, the needs of your children. Get it in writing up front, because promises made prior to divorce often change afterwards. The children certainly don’t need to relive these battles over and over.

Another major issue you will likely face is “the call” from your ex, suggesting you try again. Stop! Proceed with caution. Think about why things will be better, or different, if you jump back in. Really stop and think about it, or you may find yourself in a worse situation in the next year or two. Why is your ex asking to get back together when he or she was so eager to leave?

Picking up the pieces is not easy. It will be the most difficult thing you will ever do, but keep this in mind: Stop looking behind you. You’re not going that way. There is nothing new to see in the past, so keep moving forward. Believe it or not, better times and better people will come into your life.