An Unforgotten Man

It was 1984. I asked my girlfriend to the movies, as were the case when people dated (no Instagram, no Facebook, no texts). We sat in the theatre, holding hands, deeply enthralled in the story, waiting for the climax. Does he win the girl? Will she stay with him? The heroine does not but then the song plays at the end. I watch it wanting the song to end because my eyes well up as some unforeseen force hits my chest causing me to rush out with my girlfriend. The words to that song still affect me, but for different reasons. My girlfriend and I grew closer as she thought of me as a more sensitive soul. I felt for the yearning of a movie fairy tale ending. My feelings were not attached to the heroine but to my hero.

“…standing taking every breath with you…”

I am swinging the baseball bat. “Keep your eye on the ball” he keeps telling me. How can I, I thought to myself, if he keeps the ball in his glove? On his next pitch, I watch the ball fly through the air towards the plate but my swing is late and I miss again. “What are you looking at? I told you to watch the ball” I was, I kept thinking to myself. Now I was getting angry. Throw it again, I thought to myself. He did but this time I hit the ball as the it whizzed past his head. He was thrown to the ground. I was worried this time, because I knew his anger. Instead he laughed, beaming with that unforgettable smile. “See, I knew you could do it.”

“…you’re the only one who really knew me at all…”

I was nervous but prepared. As a new track runner, I wanted to do my best. It was the 800 meter relay and I was the second leg. Joe was our schools best sprinter who was obviously our starter. I headed over with my opponents, to the far side of the track. I waved at my family-mom, dad, sis and bro who all came to watch the up and coming speedster. They sat in the stands looking with anticipation, hoping for the best. I jumped up and and down waiting for the start. I see the starter raise his hand then BANG!, whiffs of smoke then the runners charging down the field. Joe had the lead as he sped towards me. When he got close enough, I take off. As I shoot my arm back, the baton is there and I hear Joe say “Go get em Tom”. I am sprinting, pumping my arms and legs leaning into the turn, then I hear him…screaming his head off. “Go Tommy…go Tommy… go…” I glance over to be sure. It was my Dad, shouting, urging me on. How did he get to the other side of the track so quickly? I felt a gush of energy as I flew past him, not wanting to disappoint, wanting to make him proud.

“…cause we shared the laughter and the pain, we even shared the tears…”

He wanted me to come with him to old Brooklyn Fulton Street market. That’s where the old Abraham and Strauss store stood tall as well as Korvette’s and May’s department stores. I climbed into the boat of our Oldsmobile, when cars were cars. He was unusually quiet until he started telling me things, almost preparing me. “Your mother is so negative,” he started. “Stay positive, respect her but don’t let her get to you.” “I worry about Roger.” Roger is my introverted brother, who seems to keep everything to himself. “He never listens to me. He is so hard headed.” I thought to myself-Where do you think he gets it from? “Watch your sister. Make sure she’s ok.” My not so baby sister was my biggest pain-forcing me to play with her and her dolls. “You…I don’t worry about you. You’ve got this. The future is yours…”

“…how could you just walk away from me, when all I could do is watch you leave?...”

College. Dad, mom, bro and sis drove up to leave me off on my new adventure. Mom was fussing with the clothes. Sis was playing with the toys she brought with her. Bro was simply looking around as if he were wondering what he would do without me. Dad was quiet. “Make sure you eat. Keep exercising. Keep your mind busy.” I rolled my eyes with all the advise. He looked around the dorm room, nodding with approval. “Watch your money.” I kept nodding with every word of advise. Then he stopped. He looked at me then he said, “Take care of business.” I forgot everything else he said, but those words I have always remembered. We all walked to the car. I hugged mom, sis and bro. Dad looked at me. He smiled then he extended his hand. I looked at him, laughed and pulled him into me. “Dad be careful driving back home.” He hugged me back. “I am going to miss you,” he whispered to me, an admission he did not want anyone else to hear.

“…there’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face…”

It was 1984 when my hero succumbed to the cancer. He was 48, I was 20. He taught me how to be a man, a father and a husband to my wife. He set an example that I don’t think I could ever live up to, but I keep trying. I am 56 years old, many leaves, have fallen many sunsets and sunrises have come and gone. Yet, whenever I hear Phil Collins “Against All Odds (Take a Look at me Now)”, I remember him and how I could do nothing to stop his ultimate end. In a sense he never truly ended when he still lives within me. In writing this story I forced myself to listen to that song. I still could not stop the tears. After so many years, I still miss him. I remember when I was 7 sitting at the dining room table. My spanish speaking grandmother arrived from Puerto Rico to help my mother tend to our newly arrived infant baby sister. Dad just finished making breakfast as he set the scrambled eggs, juice and toast. I looked up at him as he spoke to my grandmother in Spanish. I did not understand a word but I kept looking at him. He asked me, “What’s wrong? Is the food ok?” I smiled and said, “I’m so happy you’re my father.” He smiled, rubbed my head and said “Finish your eggs.”