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An Orange Goodbye

By Ashley Counts

By Ashley CPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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Orange

The day of my grandmothers memorial, was not as somber as one would think. A full day on the beach would keep everyone in high spirits don’t you think? Of course, I cried every time I looked to the ocean and caught a glimpse of a lonely dolphin passing by. Dolphins were her thing. Oceans, were her thing. Her home was filled with glass dolphins and shells collected from very frequent trips to that happy sand filled place.

When time came, we turned to face the water and watch as the sun set on my family. The bright rays surrounded us and turned everything in it’s path a beautiful shade of orange. That color seemed to stick with my family and our association with our late grandmother from that day on. Orange was found every time I went to visit that town, or thought of her. Orange dragon flies and butterflies have come to watch over me in very specific moments. Her memorial, my great grandfathers memorial, days spent at her favorite beach.

This specific photo was taken an exact year after her passing. I had decided to drag some friends along with me to China Beach, in San Francisco. It wasn’t her beach but it was close enough. I had not planned on being there for the sunset but it felt right. I quickly left my friends side and made my way to the top of the watch tower. I watched as the sky changed colors and truly felt as if she was changing it herself just for me. I took that photo with an old IPhone5 and was completely taken back with how well it came out.

They say pictures are worth 1000 words but I couldn’t honestly never put a title or words to that picture alone. It’s more of a silent conversation between grandma and me.

Now I did mention the day of her memorial. One filled with friends and family. As sad as I was, it felt like any normal summer trip. The water, the sand, the bonfire and roasting mellows. It was like she was there with us. It's been 6 years now and I still have this deep love for the ocean and its smell. It's like she finds her way to any beach I visit.

This month I will be revisiting the same beach in this photo. I don't know if I will still feel her there or if I'll break down and cry. But visiting just feels so right, ya know? Of course, I'll be bringing some friends along. Grandma always said, "A day at the beach is best shared with friends". She always had the best advice.

It's almost comical that we have Facebook to share memories of loved ones. It constantly shares her comments and advice one given before. "Take the job". "Cut the hair". "Do the thing". "Live your dreams".

I mean, without her, I wouldn't have moved from California to Alaska to be a live in Nanny. I wouldn't have pursued my dream of becoming a dance instructor where I'm currently living my best life. She may not have been alive to help convince me to dance, but she played her part. Everything I do, she's right there on the beach. Toes in the sand, hand in my hand, and giving me the advice I needed.

So when I enter that beach in a couple of weeks, I will stick my toes in the sand, look up to the sky and just take in all the advice she has for me. Who knows, maybe she'll tell me she's proud and that for now she has no advice. I'd be ok with that.

grief
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About the Creator

Ashley C

I have goals in life I once thought were unobtainable. It's time to prove myself wrong! Enjoy my writings and let me know what you think. <3

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