Advice From a Motherless Daughter
For Those With and Without Their Mother
I'll never forget the day I was in the hospital room as my mother's doctor explained to her the severity of her cancer diagnosis as well as the very small odds of surviving such an intense and advanced form. I was only 17 and my mother was only 42. By looking at my mother, how much effort she put into everyday and raising six children, you would have never guessed she was sick. In fact, I think she was surprised as she only went to the doctor with a pain in her right side. It was colon cancer, stage IV, that had spread to her liver. The doctors seemed genuinely surprised as colon cancer is usually found in older patients. But, no matter how rare the situation, my mother was one of the unlucky few and I knew I was probably going to lose my mother and soon. My mother passed away a year later, shortly after my senior graduation and suddenly, the world turned into an unfamiliar place, one I didn't know if I would ever come to terms with. I'm going to start this with my advice to those who have lost their mothers and then to those who have not. I feel like both sides are equally important and may, hopefully, be helpful to someone.
To the Motherless
I know it's hard. I know it seems like time isn't helping mend the hole in your heart, the piece of you that left when your mother died. People always say time heals all wounds, but I'm not sure that it does. I think we eventually learn to live life without our mother, the one who carried us, raised us, was our absolute best friend, and the person we always wanted to share things, whether good or bad, with. Please be kind to yourself. Everyone grieves differently and no one is entitled to tell you that you should be better or over such a tragic situation. Let your feelings out. In my opinion, it really helps to tell someone how you're feeling instead of keeping all these intense emotions locked away. Talk to anyone: a family member, your spouse, a friend, a therapist, a person in a similar situation in an online group. Always remember that your mother is with you, in your heart, your soul, your memories. She may not be there physically but she is there. Lastly, my biggest piece of advice and the one I need to follow more often: live the best life you can. Of all things your mother would've wanted, it was for you to be happy and following your dreams.
To Those With Mothers
If you still have your mother, I'm going to start this off by saying never take your time with her for granted. Cherish the moments you are spending with her, the memories you are making with her, and the love you are sharing with her. Always hug her when you see her, kiss her goodbye, and call her when you've been away from her. If you and your mother are currently not on the best of terms, find a way to make things better. You never know when someone's breath may be their last. Learn things from her. Learn all you can. One day, you'll be desperately needing her advice when it's unavailable. Tell your mother you love her everyday. This is the best thing for a mother, as I am one myself, to hear from her children. Just be with her, cherish her, love her. I can't tell you how badly you'll miss simply being in her company one day, hearing her voice over the phone, hearing her laugh, and feeling her arms wrap around you. Lastly, feel incredibly blessed. She's your biggest fan, your best friend, the reason you are, well, you.