Adventures with F*Bomb Mom pt.3

If you were not already aware, but I have the strangest Mom in the whole city. That is no lie either folks. Sometimes my brother and I call her F*Bomb Mom... Can you guess why? Well, if you did not know I will fill you in: an f bomb is a way of saying the f word without having to actually say it. Only my mom says it. She says it alot. For everything too.

If she gets mad about something, she drops an f bomb. If she stubs her toe, it doesnt matter which toe either, she drops the f bomb. If were late and she looks at the time she drops an f bomb. Something spills... You got it, she drops that f bomb. Its like a warzone around her, never know when an f bomb is gonna go off. Haha, can you picture that? That is kinda funny.

My brother and I have tried training her not to use it. Matter of fact we have been trying to train her to completely abolish bad words from her vocabulary entirely. So far, we have not succeeded. That is why she got the nickname. Kinda sad if you ask me. She always says she is working on it but if not cursing was a job she hasnt showed up for orientation yet. Haha!

I find it a bit unnerving when my little brother slips and curses and she feels the need to scold him for using a bad word. I try telling her, " Mom, if you cuss then we cuss. Thats just the way it is." She isnt fond of that statement. Especially from one of her kids. Haha! I mean, sometimes I cant help it, plus it gives me a little satisfaction that I can annoy her too.

There is this new goal my Mom has been working on. She seems to be quite dedicated to it too. Because every spare chance she gets she is working on it. Bet you are wondering what it is. Lets just say, I think it is an absolutely off the wall, most uncool thing she has decided to do with herself yet. She wants to be a writer, not just any kind of writer. She wants to be an Author. Like as in author of childrens books.

Thats fine and all, except the fact that she is using ME as her "muse" she says. Whatever a "muse" is, I dont find it aMUSe-ing at all. When she first started working on it, she kept asking me to read it. She wanted my opinion about it. I think she wanted to see me happy or impressed. But I wasnt. And Im still not. I simply told her to stop asking me about it. I firmly told her that this kid right here wants nothing to do with her book, her stories or anything else she is using to embarrass me. Has she lost her mind? I am afraid to say this, but folks, my mom has officially fell off her rocker! And she doesnt even seem to notice it.

She says, " I am not trying to embarrass you son, I think our family is perfect to write about. How can you not see the humor in most of our day to day...."

I cut her off, "First of all mom, I dont think you understand that all of my friends are going to know it is me. They are going to know because they KNOW our family. I am not ok with it. Case closed." I give her my look, the one look that tells her Im not happy with her.

But sometimes I think she needs glasses too. Because she kept on about she will just change the names and then no one will know. Haha! Im laughing only because she is blind to my whole point.

At least she stopped pulling her whole booger and flies shenanigans. We went to Burgervilla yesterday and I waited, and waited.. For it... But she never did it! I suppose if her having to turn the whole scenario into some sort of book helped her get it out of her system, then Im not terribly against the idea.

I still dont want her to know that. Maybe if she stops interrupting me, erases cuss words from her vocabulary and maybe stops mistaking me for my brother when she is mad...then I could get on board with the book thing. But I suspect pigs are gonna fly before all that happens.