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Adoption Trauma

by Stephanie Adriana 2 years ago in adoption
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The untold truth of adoption

Adoption trauma- told by an adoptee

I want to make it clear that every adoption story is different. Every adoptee faces and deals with different things within their life.

First off- My name is Stephanie Adriana. I am 22 years old and I have a goal. My goal is to be an advocate for other Adoptees, who have had a hard time dealing with their adoption.

Adoption is seen as an amazing act of courage and kindness towards the people who choose to open their arms and adopt a child. I am in no way trying to degrade the choice of adoption. Instead, I am trying to spread light on the traumatic life changes that the adoptee has to go through. Throughout their life without any support or true understanding of what is going on.

I was adopted when I was one year old. From port-au-prince Haiti. Never truly getting to know either of my birth parents, my birth mother realized early on that she was too poor to raise me. I was put into an orphanage where my life was no longer in my birth moms' hands. Any choices made from here until I was 18 would be the government's decision and the parents who adopt me. I was adopted by a family in Canada. This family would not raise me to know my culture, would not raise me to understand adoption trauma, would not raise me to fully understand the racism, I would experience in my lifetime and would not raise me to be in my life forever.

Growing up I dealt with a lot of issues that adoptees deal with, confusion, lying, deceiving, stealing, and anger. At the time of my acting out, I had no clue why I was doing what I was doing. I knew I was angry, mad, and hurt but I never knew what about. I was never told about adoption trauma or attachment issues. Nobody brought me to a therapist. I was never educated in my culture or my past. I was expected to deal with everything all on my own all the time. With some help from my adopters telling me I was a bad person, my siblings (their bio children) don’t like me, my siblings think I'm mean and all I do is hurt people. Just the thought of my adopted family talking about me behind my back with each other instead of reaching out to support and help me to become a better healthier person, destroyed me as a person. It was me against the world. A world I had no say in. Around 15 years old I started getting sexually harassed at my adopters' home. But I was not the victim. Nope, I was blamed for what the harasser was doing. I was reassured many times that I can move out if I don’t like my living situation. (moving out is what I wanted but I couldn't as I did not have the finances to support myself.) Eventually, to make a long story short after damaging many friendships, not getting support for any issues I had dealt with, working on bettering myself and getting on a healthier path, The adopters who chose not to support me for a lot of my life, decided they no longer wanted me in their household. They kicked me out. The only family I had ever known, the only people I really have to call family, who are supposed to love me unconditionally, kicked me out. Within a month, they had taken the only family I had ever known away from me. I made sure people saw me as mentally ill and messed up. Allowed their bio children to treat me as less than a human. Instead of them accepting me, the effort I was/ am making to change, and better myself, they stayed in the past and decided to remind me daily of everything I have ever done wrong in my life. I was told I was running from my problems. When I was really doing good, they made sure to remind me that I still have lots of issues and much to work on. Despite the fact the had not talked to me in a year. Much to their surprise, this did not break me, though I lived in my car in the middle of winter for a few weeks when I was first kicked out, I had a strong support team of friends who would not let me fall through the cracks. I did not drop out of school, I continued working my job. With lots of support, I was able to slowly start taking charge of my own life. The life that had been chosen for me before I was even two.

Starting over is the hardest thing I have ever done. Not knowing if I will be alone for Christmas, my birthday, thanksgiving has eaten me alive. Having only one picture of me as a baby is hard. Not having a mom or dad to go to when I really feel bad is hard. But this was the life I was given. I want to advocate, to help other adoptees not go through this. I want to help them get the support when signs are first shown that they need support. I am in know why perfect. I have a long way to go, to be the best version I can be of myself. But I could never begin my journey if I was not able to take charge of my life.


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Stephanie Adriana

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