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Adoption & the Emotional Rollercoaster

The Ups and Downs

By Ashley ReynoldsPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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There's so much to adoption that people don't seem to understand and the only way anyone will understand is hearing it from someone who was adopted.

The day I was adopted was one of the best but most confusing times in my life. I was lucky enough to only go to one foster family and that family adopted me. But before that I was bounced around between my biological family and my foster parents. There were days where my mom wanted me so I would go back home but then my mom no longer wanted me so I would go back to my foster home. I didn't understand why my own mom never wanted me, I cried every night and was hopeful that one day she would keep me. My mom would plan on visiting me and I would be really excited and happy just to be crushed when she didn't show up. I remember crying and looking out the back window of the car as my foster parents drove me away from the meet up spot. Not a day went by where I wasn't confused about my life, I lived two different life's and had two different families which definitely made things that much more confusing.

After several years of bouncing back and fourth between my foster home and my biological parents my mom decided to give me up for adoption. Ouch, my mom no longer wanted me, she signed all of her rights over and all I could think was why? What did I do? Why doesn't my mom love me? Hurt and confused I internalized all of my hurt and anger and started to act out. I would talk back and say hurtful things to my foster mom.

I had to go to counseling to figure out who I was and I learned that it wasn't my fault. I had many counseling sessions where I would leave and cry all the way home. It was helpful to go but it also brought up a lot of things that I tried to bury and forget.

Adoption Day

The day finally came when I would be adopted. I went to the courthouse with my foster parents a smile on my face because I was finally gonna be able to call this place home. Something I haven't been able to do since I was born. But oh wait my biological mom had one demand I had to take her last name as either my middle name or last name. WHAT!!!!! After all she put me through this was her demand. I remember breaking down crying begging the lawyer to not let this happen I wanted to be a Reynolds only, I didn't want a connection to the woman who didn't want me.

I remember the lawyer talking to the judge and asking that I not have to take on the Bessette name and only the Reynolds as I have chosen.

I walked into that court room confused and still not understanding what was being said but I do remeber the judge saying that I was now officially a Reynolds and my foster parents were now my adopted parents.

I was flooded with many emotions, mainly happy and excited and it felt as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

The Ups and Downs

Now that the adoption was done I still had a lot of questions like am I ever gonna see my biological family ever again? The answer yes. My biological mom would have me on holidays and she could set up days to see me, but what did that mean for me? It meant that I could for once say no. I didn't want to see my biological mom because she gave me up, I hated her and anything that had to do with her. But saying no to her meant saying no to seeing my brothers and sisters which I didn't want to do. I loved my siblings. I hated everything and everyone! I was confused all the time and once I turned 16 it seemed to be even more confusing. I started to turn my back on the people who have been there for me through my whole life and started patching up my relationship with my biological mom. I ran away from home and moved in with her, only to regret it and move back in with my adopted parents. Who by the way I started to hate because my biological mom was feeding me stories that weren't always true. I hated my adopted mom and loved my biological mom. I was rude and mean to my adopted parents. I hated who I was and I was depressed and angry all the time.

Advice

Even through all the hatred and anger my adopted parents never gave up on me. I was theirs and they wouldn't let me forget just how much they loved and cherished me.

My advice for anyone that wants to adopt would be to be understanding and patient. You never know what is going on inside of your child's head. You may not know just how hurt and upset they are about how their life ended up. Always show them that you love them no matter what.

We are always trying our best to understand who we are, it might take a little bit longer for some of us but we do love you even if we don't show you. Mainly because we don't know how to.

adoption
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About the Creator

Ashley Reynolds

Hey everyone, I love to write about my past experiences and I'm hoping that Vocal can give me that opportunity. I'm a shy writer and have been told that I waist my time writing. Writing is a way I express myself and how I feel.

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