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Abandoned: Leaving China

"I'm a Chinese adoptee living and studying in the UK..."

By 福 仪Published 5 years ago 3 min read
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Hello, I'm Emily. I'm a Chinese adoptee living and studying in the UK. This is the first ever blog I've published. There are so many things I would love to talk to you about but first of all. I want to start at the beginning.

I was born as 党福仪 (Dǎng fú yí) on the 4th of August in Sichuan Province, famous for having the spiciest food in China. Four days after my birth I was abandoned by my birth family in the midst of a small town, sheltered by a bush with only my first name and birthday noted. This wasn't uncommon in China for a baby girl to be left, since the One Child Policy was implemented in the late 70s (Inconvenient, I know). I was then taken by the local police and allocated to a government orphanage where I was given their official surname "党" (Dǎng), meaning part of the Communist party... great! At four months, I was fostered out of the orphanage to a family as one of the babies set to be adopted in the orphanage had fallen ill and actually died. I had only learnt about this recently and suddenly realised that I was one of the lucky ones that made it to being adopted. I can't even comprehend how little this baby got to live. I don't even know their name.

At nine months, I was adopted off to a family I now call my own. As I was so young there has never been a moment of insecurity of being part of my family, with small insignificant jokes here and there going like, "You should know, you're Chinese." I can unapologetically say this is my only family, as this word isn't or at least shouldn't be based on the sharing of the same DNA. When I younger, I never had to ask if I was adopted. Similarly, it was pretty obvious we weren't a normal family. My mum always told me that she was my mummy but I also had a "Tummy mummy," referring to my birth mother. Therefore I always felt confused when asked questions as to why I was different from my family because, in reality, I didn't feel anymore special than anyone else. Should the fact that my birth parents decided they couldn't keep me make me special?

I have now lived in the UK for around 16 years and can honestly say, it is my time to leave soon. Growing up I always felt strong as to who I am but as I've gotten older I have come realise I haven't got a clue. Chinese people don't see me as Chinese and I still get asked by other people "Where are you from?" Understand that I completely appreciate being brought up in such an amazing, diverse environment that has given me boundless opportunities and freedoms, which many envy to live in. I just still feel so drawn back to China, but am so scared that when I do, I won't be accepted. Will I always be an outsider? The Banana Federation is this very visual concept of being an independent state within oneself but always pulled or bound to where it all started. In addition, having all these multiple layers of identity that are mismatched by the onlooker.

Obviously, this my own personal experience of being an adoptee and just the surface of what being an adoptee is like.

adoption
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About the Creator

福 仪

A real story about Chinese Adoption.

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