A gift from the future?

This really is a tale as old as time dear reader. Spoilt siblings, a dead parent, riches to rags and back again. Most importantly for a fairy tale there’s a happy ending.

So, let us journey to ages past, and a cosmopolitan city in France. There we meet a beautiful, stunning young lady, let’s call her Mel. If this were a Hollywood film she would be wearing glasses and her hair in a plait, lulling you into thinking she’s a dull geek. You can tell she’s gorgeous, but we’re supposed to believe she’s that nerdy girl you bullied in school, just because she’s wearing a cardigan and a scrunchy.

Mel is one of six children that her wealthy merchant father had. Mel was very different from her brothers and sisters though. It’s true that they too were blessed with good looks, but you see Mel was the only one who was beautiful both inside and out.

Her siblings were the fodder of every celebrity gossip mag in the land. There wasn’t a night of the week they couldn’t be found falling out of the latest, hottest nightclub or starting a celeb feud. Every single one of them had been on Love Island...or île d'amour, as we are in France after all.

Their fame and fortune was well known, and the siblings had their fair share of suitors. More than their fair share some might say, but we’re not here to slut shame. Mel’s sisters had an endless parade of sports stars, musicians and actors. Her brothers, a never-ending line of reality show beauties, influencers and models.

Both Mel and her siblings spurned their suitors. Mel because she was a humble, homely girl who wanted to be by her father's side and do charity work. Her siblings because they preferred to “hit it and quit it”. Always searching for the next hotter, richer, higher profile conquest.

Then one day, as they sat eulogizing on how fortunate and wonderful their life is, karma came knocking; and she had debts to collect. Their successful merchant father had made some bad business decisions, like really bad, like even worse than when a Real Housewife tries to become a singer.

Unfortunately, he’d made one bad decision too many, and crossed the wrong person this time. Some say he had an unfortunate accident with a piece of farm equipment. Others say he was placed headfirst into an industrial mincer by mob men, and then fed to a drove of hungry pigs. Either way he was dead, deader than Charlie Sheen’s career, and they were now broke and alone.

Mel wanted to move to the countryside where life was slower and living was cheaper. Her siblings were quick to turn their backs on her though. They wished to stay in the big city and keep up appearances. They foolishly believed that their party lifestyle, famous friends, and handsome suitors were authentic. It wasn’t long until all that had disappeared, faster than assistant who gets on the wrong side of Ellen.

Mel found it relatively easy to live on her own. She had always been the homemaker of the family. For her sister’s false nails prevented them from carrying out the simplest of household tasks, and her brothers, well they were boys obviously, and this was a different time for men. They couldn’t even moisturise or wear skinny jeans in times past.

Time passed and her previous existence was a fast-fading memory. One by one her siblings had showed up on her doorstep, tails between their legs. Between then more failed marriages and illegitimate kids than the Kardashians.

Then suddenly one day Mel received news from the city. One of the many business pies in which their father had his metaphorical fingers, was about to pay big. She began to pack and plan her journey back to the city, excited by the prospect of returning to riches. You might think her siblings would be worried about her traveling alone, but you see this was before the likes of #MeToo so people found it acceptable to turn a blind eye to such dangers.

Finally, after hours, days and weeks of travel, the lights of the big city came into view and Mel’s spirits lifted. Her head filled with visions of returning to tremendous wealth, and now having experienced life on the other side, she was determined to do some good with it this time. As she approached the meeting point where she was due to receive his share of profits, she was alarmed by what he saw.

She had been expecting to be greeted by cheery men with big, heaving, overflowing sacks…of money! (Get you filthy minds out of the gutter). To her surprise however, they were empty handed and glum of face. The riches had all but gone, taken by the tax man, the banks and her father’s debtors.

After several challenging days and nights of travel, she was but hours from home when a terrible storm hit. There was snow, hail, rain and lightning all one after the other. This is just like a summer in England she mused to herself. Unable to carry on, and wary of what dangers lurked in the forest, she was delighted to see in the not to far ahead, a castle, lit up.

When Mel reached the castle, she was surprised that no one answered the door, for it appeared as if not only was someone home, but they were expecting guests. She decided to try the door, and as this was an era before serial killers and organised gangs, it was of course unlocked, so she went right in.

After several attempts to gain attention, and having received no response, she decided to take a look around. Why wouldn’t you go snooping through a strange castle you’ve found in the middle of a forest at night? It’s not like every single horror story starts that way or anything.

Upon her self-invited tour of the castle she was surprised to find all number of contraptions and gadgets, strewn over almost every surface. She had no idea what any of them could be for. It was like nothing she had ever seen in her life.

Around one corner she found a long banquette table overflowing with food and wine. On account of her white, pretty girl privilege, she thought nothing of helping herself. Much like the tale of Goldilocks except everything she tasted was just right, so she scoffed the lot. The same went for a place to sleep, for just up the grand staircase where she had entered, she found a welcoming, freshly made four poster bed.

The next morning as the sun began to rise and weave its way through the curtains and onto her sleeping eyelids, she awoke. Bursting with energy, the result of a good night’s sleep. Well that and adrenaline from the sudden realisation she’d broken into a stranger’s house, eaten all their food and drank all their wine, and they were sure to be pissed as hell. Mel quickly composed herself, gathered her belongings and set about leaving.

Thankfully her horse was where she’d left him, tied up in the cold while she pigged out inside the nice warm castle. Just as she was about to mount the horse and finish the last leg of her journey home, something caught her eye. Lying on the she saw a small notebook. The morning dew glistening off its black leather cover like tiny diamonds.

Mel had already helped herself to the owner’s food, and bed so why not add this small, intriguing notebook to the list? In a hurry to leave, sensing she had already pushed her luck, she hopped onto the horse and galloped off.

It wasn’t too long until her cottage came in to view, smoke rising from the chimney, offering the welcoming sight she very much needed. Although she wasn’t sure any of her siblings could lay and light a fire, so the smoke was a little worrying. As they approached, her siblings came rushing out with their grabbing hands. Upon hearing the bad news they turn their backs on her again just as quickly.

Settling herself in by the fire Mel had almost forgotten about the tiny black book, and she’d been in such a hurry to leave, she had not yet looked inside.

Mel was both intrigued and disappointed by what she found inside. Page after page was filled with odd looking sketches and diagrams. She’d been hoping for something a little more interesting inside. Maybe the salacious diary of an aristocrat, the meaning of life or whatever did happen to Baby Jane?

Curious to understand what was in this little black book she sought out the local wise man. There was nothing he didn’t know, or at least think he knew. Upon seeing the book, he lit up, he knew the second he saw the first page, this was gold. His latest invention kept failing at the final hurdle and this had all the blueprints in he could have ever needed.

He wished he’d been able to hide his initial excitement from Mel, it would have helped in the negotiations that were to follow. There was no way he was going to let this book out of his hands and started bartering hard for it. Mel was in no position to negotiate too hard though, after all he needed the money.

After not much time at all the two reached an agreement they were both happy with. Mel now $20,000 richer and the town know it all was now in possession of the magical little black book and all its secrets inside.

Mel returned to a life of semi luxury and also founded an animal charity, after all $20,000 was a lot of money in the days of yesteryear. She decided not to share her new life with her siblings, they had important lessons to learn. Besides, they had started to make a name for themselves on the celebrity gameshow circuit. Apparently, people enjoy seeing washed up Z-listers getting injured on an obstacle course. Think shows like “Total Wipeout” except blow up toys weren’t invented yet, so it was more solid wood and swords.

Now as for the man who brough the little black book, Jeeve Sobs was his name, and no one heard from him from that day onwards. Rumour has it that he invented the first computer, called it “Orange” and travelled to a mysterious new country with his Italian friend Christopher, who was an avid sailor.

Needless to say though, whatever happened to Jeeve, his life, along with Mel & the animals her charity helped, they had all been changed beyond doubt, by the presence of that magical little black book.