A Full Heart

There’s a saying out there that goes, “Fathers are supposed to raise their sons, but love their daughters,” and it often plays out that way. Fathers are typically more stern with their boys because society teaches us to “raise men” Fathers are often depicted as being more loving and protective of their daughters, or at least that’s how it’s portrayed in movies and television. Parenting is supposed to be at least a two-party endeavor, but that doesn’t always happen. But even out of the darkest situation, the light will always shine through.

“RAWR!!!”

“Ah! You scared me, Mar!” said Tobias, laughing.

Mar folded her arms and frowned. “No, I didn’t, daddy! You’re faking it.”

“Humph! How do you know?”

“Because…”

And to prove her thesis Mar made a step toward her Dad. Tobias is 6’1, and Mar is 4’5, so it looked like he towered over her, but, all the same, she stuck up her arm and placed her right hand on the left side of his chest. Mar closed her eyes and didn’t speak. Tobias smiled when he realized what was happening.

“Your heart. It's going bu dump…bu dump…bu dump. Not budump budump budump,” said Mar, slightly annoyed.

Tobias chuckled. “Well, you see, once I realized it was you. I wasn’t scared anymore, and my heartbeat slowed down. That’s all.”

“Hmmm. Daddy, what else does the heart do?”

“Well, it keeps us alive mostly. It’s always going bu dump even when you’re sleeping.”

“What if your heart gets tired? Everything needs time to sleep, right?”

“I think people and animals do, but they have hearts too.”

“Wow, the heart is super strong, Daddy!”

“Yea, baby girl, it really is. But, hey, are you hungry?”

“Mmm… it depends.”

Tobias smiled hard. “Depends on what?”

“Are we getting cadalamari?”

“It’s calamari, sweety. And we sure are! Go get your shoes on. We’re going to Carrabba’s!”

“YAAAAY!”

And with that, Mar didn’t need to hear anymore conversation. She sprinted from the scarred tiled flooring of the kitchen to the completely wooden floor in the living room that led to the front door. Tobias watched his daughter jump for joy as she laced up her all-white Nikes. As he watched her move to and fro, it just amazed him how much you can love another person with every fiber of your being. Sometimes the love he felt would be considered overwhelming for some, but Tobias had just enough room for Mar. She was everything to him and then some. When Mar was joyful, Tobias felt joyful. When Mar was sad, Tobias felt sad. He loves that little girl so much that it hurt, but he welcomed that pain. He embraced because he would pay any price, bear any burden, or lay down his life for this tiny human.

“I created this.” Tobias thought to himself.

Tobias hadn’t realized he was staring at his daughter with his mouth agape for the last five minutes, and Mar was staring back at him.

“Daddy!”

Tobias snapped out of his daze.

“Oh, sorry, baby girl, you ready?”

“Yes, slowpoke. I’ve been ready for like five-ever!”

Tobias smiled and headed out the door. They got to the restaurant in about 25 minutes, listening to Mar’s favorite song on repeat, all the way over. Tobias was constantly looking back at her through the rearview mirror. Smiling at her over-the-top antics, actually impressed that she knew the lyrics.

Tobias stole a final glance to the backseat. “Mar is the best thing that ever happened to me.” He thought.

When they arrived at Carrabba’s, Mar couldn’t contain her excitement.

“Woohooo! I’m getting’ some cadalamari!!!!!!”

Tobias smiled at her. “Alright, Mar. Not so loud.”

Carrabba’s was surprisingly empty for a Saturday night, so the two were seated very quickly. Mar didn’t even bother looking at the menu. She already knew what she wanted, so when the waiter came, she spoke first.

“Hi! Can I have lemonade and uh… two cadalamaris, please.”

The waiter glanced over at Tobias to silently let him know that he understood what Mar was asking for.

“Of course! Anything else for you?”

“Umm, my name is Mar, and my birthday is Monday, and I’m turning this old!”

Mar held up an open palm.

“Wow, five years old, that’s a big age.” Said the waiter.

“Now is this your big brother or-“

Mar tickled by that assumption. “No, silly, that’s my Daddy!”

Tobias smiled at the waiter and looked to Mar.

“You didn’t ask the waiter his name, Mar. Don’t be rude.”

“Oh, sorry, Daddy.” She turned to the waiter. “Hi again, what’s your name?”

“Well, hello, little lady, I’m Justin!”

“Nice to meet you, Justin!!”

“Nice to meet you too, Mar. Now I’m gonna take your Dad’s order, okay?

“Kk!”

By that point, Mar had already begun coloring on the kid's menu.

“Okay, so what can I get you, sir?”

You can call me Tobias.”

“Oh, okay. What can I get you, Tobias?”

“Yea, I’m gonna have the-” started Tobias.

“Chicken trio!” finished Mar.

“Yes, Mar. The chicken trio.”

“Alright, I’ll put these orders in and get them right back out here!”

“Thank you, Justin!”

“No problem, Mar.”

“You’re something else, little girl.” Said Tobias.

Mar smiled and went right into a story about the nasty lunch her school has at the cafeteria. Then she started talking about her favorite teacher Mr. Powell and how he always said, “And that’s why I get paid the big bucks!” Mar jumped from story to story with no intention of slowing down. She could talk for hours on end, and Tobias would listen to all of it. He picked up on little details that may have connected two different stories. Tobias wanted nothing more than to look at and listen to his daughter all day, every day. The cartoon-like expressions, the flamboyant gestures, and the vast range of voice intonations made everything she said amazing, even if the story made no logical sense.

In the middle of Mar’s story about the pizza party scandal, a tall, slender woman walked by that Tobias thought looked very familiar. Apparently, the woman felt the same because she doubled back.

“Tobias?”

“Angela?”

“Oh wow, how long has it been? Three. No, Four years?”

“Almost five years to the day.”

“Wow, it’s been that long? I guess it has been since- “

Then Angela caught the eyes of Mar. To her, it was like seeing a ghost, or more like an angel. Her mind was having trouble processing what her eyes were seeing. She was stunned.

“Oh my God? Is this your daughter?”

Mar stuck out her hand. “Hi, I’m Mar. What’s your name?”

A tear fell down Angela’s face as she extended her hand to shake Mar’s.

“Hi, Mar, I’m Angela. I was a really good friend of your mom’s, and you look just like her.”

The tears fell harder down Angela’s face, and Tobias stood up to console her. She shook her head from side to side to let Tobias know she’d be fine. Then Mar spoke.

“I see you in a lot of my Mommy’s pictures. She was your bestest friend. I know after I was born, something happened to her heart. She is with the angels now, and right before I go to bed every night, she pats my head and tells me everything will be all right. She loves you both, you know?”

And without another word, she went back to coloring on the kid’s menu. Tobias and Angela both almost stopped breathing. How could a child have said that so matter of factly? It sounded like someone spoke through her, and neither adult could believe it. Finally, Angela spoke.

“Hey, Tobias.”

“…Yeah?” he said, still in a daze.

“Do you two still live in the same house?”

Tobias turned to Angela and smiled. “The very same.”

“Okay. Um, do you think I could come by to visit sometime?’

“Yea...Yea, I think we’d like that.”

Mar spoke without lifting her head. “We sure would!”

“Okay! How does next week sound to both of you?”

“Well, my birthday is Monday, so you have to come Monday!”

Tobias smiled and then shrugged at Angela.

“Monday it is. It was nice to meet you, Mar. See ya Monday.”

“See ya!” said Mar.

“Nice to see you out and about, Tobias.”

“Nice to be seen. See ys’ Monday.”

Angela took one more glance at Mar and then walked toward the exit. The food came soon after, and Mar was more than pleased with her calamari. She even called Justin over to place a to-go order, the same way her mother always did.

The car ride back home for the pair was no different than the ride to the restaurant. The same song played over and over, and she mouthed every word correctly. A tear fell down his face because he knew he’d half to tell Mar the whole story one day. Tobias didn’t know if he had the courage to tell his daughter the truth, but that night he would find out he didn’t have to.

“Thank you so much, Daddy! I looove cadalamari!”

“I know you do.”

Mar’s eyes drifted toward the picture of her Mom. She had always seen the picture in passing, but for some reason, she found herself staring at it. She frowned a little when she noticed the flower sitting next to it was beginning to wilt.

“Mommy does look like me.” She said quietly.

Tobias looked at his four almost five-year-old daughter and couldn’t find the words to respond to her. Mar just looked up at her dad and smiled.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby?”

Mar pointed straight ahead. “Tell me about that flower.”

“Ah, that flower was your mother’s favorite. When she was little, growing up in Guatemala, she would run out and pick a few every time they bloomed. She used to say that “They make me feel warm and full of life.” She really would grab a few whenever she could. Hmm, but I guess it’s time to replace that one, huh?”

Mar stopped and grabbed her dad’s chin to bring him to eye level.

“It’s not your fault Daddy.”

“…Huh?”

“It’s not your fault.”

Tobias was in shock. Mar wasn’t alive when this all happened, so she couldn’t be referring to what happened.

“It’s not your fault, Daddy. Mommy’s heart was the only one that could have worked for me. You did your best.”

Tobias began to sob uncontrollably, and he hugged Mar tighter than he ever had before. It felt like his wife was speaking through his daughter.

Tobias released Mar. “Do you know your mother’s name?”

“Mommy’s name is Alba!”

“Correct which means-“

“Sunrise!”

“Correct again! And that’s why we named you after her favorite flower because that flower loves the sun.”

Mar smiled from ear to ear. “Mommy says you’re doing a good job.”

Then Mar kissed her dad’s cheek and skipped away. Tobias remained still for a moment squatted on the floor. He stared up at Alba’s picture and smiled, with a tear running down his face. He heard Mar reach the staircase, and then she stopped and yelled,

“I love you, Daddy!”

And Tobias yelled back.

“I love you too, my little Marigold!

Mar chuckled, and she ran upstairs.

There’s a saying out there that goes, “Fathers are supposed to raise their sons, but love their daughters,” When, as a father, you have to do it alone, it can seem overwhelming. However, even in the darkest of situations, light shines through. The darkest night often comes before the brightest morning, and Tobias took hold of that sunlight. Wheresoever there is light, darkness cannot exist. That sunlight broke through the darkness and grew a marigold.