A Calling to Serve: An Interview with Military Spouse Tayler Lewis on Becoming a Surrogate

As Told by Tayler Lewis, ConceiveAbilities Surrogate

Purpose and service is synonymous with military life.

Someone who understands this doctrine is ConceiveAbilities surrogate and employee, Tayler Lewis. Tayler has spent 28 years as a self-proclaimed military brat and eight years as a military spouse while her husband Mason was actively serving in the Army.

Tayler is deeply passionate about both surrogacy and our military community. In a heartfelt conversation on our podcast, “All Things Conceivable: A Surrogacy Podcast with Nazca Fontes,” Tayler shared her inspiring surrogacy journey and the reasons behind her unwavering dedication to serving others.

A Life Shaped by Military Service

NF: How has the military played a role in your life?

TL: I was actually born into military life. My dad was an engineer in the infantry for 30 years and retired recently as a Colonel. I went straight from being a military brat to being a military spouse. I’m incredibly blessed that the military has been the very foundation of my life. I got to watch my mom perform the spousal role so effortlessly. She would volunteer at functions on base, host spouses at our homes, put together care packages to send to her soldiers overseas, and counsel the newer spouses to help them navigate that transition into military life. Being a mother now, I’m in awe of her.

NF: Tell us about your husband’s service in the military.

TL: I married my husband, Mason, when I was 24 years old. We will be celebrating seven years of marriage next month. Mason was a sergeant and he served as a firearms instructor and a cargo specialist in the army. He was my very best friend in high school and I knew he was going to go on and do such great things. My experience with him as a partner has been incredibly rewarding. I’ve been able to support all of his achievements and watch him grow from the kid that he was in high school to the remarkable man that he is today. He is such a force and a safe place; it has made my role as his partner so easy and so fulfilling. Honestly, I would have followed him anywhere.

Finding Community Through Military Life

NF: How has the military community empowered you and made you the woman you are today?

TL: Being a military spouse and being part of the military community my entire life has profoundly impacted me. The military lifestyle taught me patience and unwavering faith. It has inspired me to pursue meaningful opportunities within the community. Throughout the fifteen plus moves that I’ve made, I have learned how to navigate change and to effortlessly form new relationships and new connections. Now that Mason is out of the military and we’ve settled in our forever state, I deeply value the roots we’ve planted here.

NF: When have you felt most empowered by your experience in the military community?

TL: This is actually going to sound very cliche and any military spouse listening to this is going to say, “That’s what I would’ve said!” But my most empowering moment as a military spouse is every single time we received orders to move. It was challenging and it was exhausting. But when you say goodbye to the people in the places that you have cherished, you realize how fortunate you are to have loved a community so deeply that leaving was difficult. We had lifelong friends in each state that we always had to say goodbye to. Because of that, we also have friends we get to look forward to seeing when we plan our vacations to go back. It really is just a big community — that in itself is so empowering to me.

NF: How have your children benefited from their experiences with the military community?

TL: I get goosebumps every time I get to speak about my children. They stand still to honor the Reveille, Retreat and Taps that they would play over the base with their hands over their heart. That just makes me so, so proud. It’s empowering to know that Mason and I have raised them to be patriotic, supportive, and understanding of the sacrifices that have been made. Their attentiveness and their respect just affirm that they are watching and learning from everything that we do.

The Connection Between Military Life and Surrogacy

NF: Some military spouses choose to be surrogates. Is there a connection to why you chose to be a surrogate and your experience in the military?

TL: Yes, 1000%. The word that you hear over and over as a military spouse is “resilience.” It truly is fitting. As a military family, we have the ability to adapt to forever changing situations. There’s this fearlessness that you have in order to embrace the demands of the military; whether it’s a new duty station, saying goodbye to the community that you just spent three years getting to know so well, or taking on that role as the primary parent. When your spouse gets called on to serve away from home, it’s tough.

As a military spouse, we tend to resonate with words like “calling” and “purpose.” We may not serve in the same capacity as our active duty partners, but we strive to make a difference. That can look like volunteering, engaging in our community, and supporting others as they navigate the challenges of military life. We are also on a mission. We truly believe that we are fulfilling an important purpose. Military spouses are known for their resourcefulness, for creating strategies, and for executing plans. Surrogacy provides us with a similar sense of calling.

NF: What advice do you have for a new military spouse?

TL: Because not everyone was born into the military life like I was, I find fulfillment in guiding others and offering support as they weather their new normal. Holding their hand through these transitions, allowing them to share wisdom with each other, and seeing the resilience that we’ve all gained from our own experiences; that is the most important. It’s so rewarding to find someone who has been in a similar situation and just have a buddy to talk with and to guide you whether they’re more experienced or you are more experienced. Sometimes I find myself counseling someone and learning from myself in that moment.

NF: What was the transition like from living your entire life within the military community to transitioning into civilian life?

TL: That was scary. It was not easy at all because I’ve been accustomed to this one lifestyle since the day I was born. There’s a sense of security when you live on a military base and when your neighbors know the ins and outs of that lifestyle. I do feel as though once we found our people here, our church home, and of course our opportunity to be close to my parents, it gave us back that sense of community. The transition isn’t easy but truly we are loving every minute of it now.

What Inspired Tayler to Become a Surrogate

NF: When you decided to become a surrogate, was your husband still serving or had you transitioned into civilian life?

TL: We were just about to transition to civilian life. He was probably due to get out a year after I had started the surrogacy screening process. After our daughter was born, we had so many conversations about surrogacy, and I knew it’s what I wanted to do. He was very supportive, very on board with it. He happened to get out about a year into my surrogacy journey so we were still doing the formal paperwork. I wasn’t pregnant until he had already gotten out.

NF: What planted the seed that grew into this calling to be a surrogate?

TL: It was multiple seeds. At the high school that Mason and I went to, I specifically remember a morning coming into school and the teacher was just so upset. You could tell she had been crying. She had been trying to conceive and she had a really difficult time doing so. That kind of stuck with me. Later in life, I had a friend who went on to be a surrogate. I watched her journey and I just thought, “That is so neat, that is so selfless, I love that about her.” I followed her entire journey. Another seed was hearing that one of my now very best friends struggled with infertility for eight years.

A lot of seeds were planted. After giving birth to my daughter we knew our family was complete, but I could not shake the feeling that I wanted to do this again. That is what decided it for me. I thought, “I am absolutely going to do this.”

Tayler’s Surrogacy Journey

NF: Can you tell us more about your surrogacy journey?

TL: Gosh, if my body would allow me to do this a thousand more times, I absolutely would. I know not everyone’s journeys are perfect, but I felt like mine was as perfect as perfect could have been. My husband and I were matched with this amazing couple; we loved them so much and it was very easy. We were very confident in the decision to go forward. My surrogate baby was actually born in the middle of a hurricane. Now we call her hurricane Hazel. We have a wonderful relationship with their family. They send little care packages to my children. We get to meet up every now and then. Recently, we were on a trip for work in Chicago and I got to meet up with them for a couple hours. The relationship is everything I could have wanted and more.

A Hurricane Birth and an Unforgettable Delivery

NF: Can you share your incredibly unique surrogacy delivery story?

TL: We had been preparing for the hurricane. The parents had been in town for about two weeks and we all met up at the hospital and we got to share a room with them. The delivery was beautiful. I get goosebumps talking about it because there is a very specific moment that I remember. Right before the baby was born, the intended father leaned over, he put his hand on my arm, looked me straight in my face, and he said, “Thank you. Thank you for doing this”. So we’re all ugly crying as this baby is being born.

Once they handed the baby over to the intended mother, we all just kind of sat there and locked hands. I’ve got this beautiful photo of all three of us holding hands; the dad is just profusely thanking me, the mom is crying, and this baby is just so beautiful. My husband is on the other side of me, as my biggest support system throughout the whole thing. He’s rubbing my hair and my head and telling me, “You did it. You’re so powerful. You’re so strong. I’m so proud of you.” All around, the birth was magical.

The Importance of a Strong Surrogacy Support System

NF: Who were your support systems throughout this journey?

TL: I felt incredibly supported throughout this journey. My husband was on board with it and supportive from the very beginning and my family would watch my children for me when I had appointments. No one wants to go through any of this alone. You want to know that you have people to talk to and that people are going to uplift you during the process. I had that from friends, I had that from work, from my parents, and the church. I never really ran into negativity. Everyone around me was supportive and it was wonderful.

I think that the most you can ask for is that your person, in my case Mason, is on board and that they hear you. These guys can’t possibly understand physically what you’re going through. But to be able to have someone to sit down with at night and discuss how you’re feeling and your mental state; all of that is incredibly important. A lot of that support is offered through ConceiveAbilities as well. I think that the support groups you offer make a world of a difference as well.

Finding the Right Surrogacy Agency

NF: How did you choose your surrogacy agency?

ConceiveAbilities was not only filled with selfless women on a mission to build families, but they also offered the most incredible support system. I could not have asked for a better agency. The women understood the journey both as mothers and as military spouses. ConceiveAbilities has provided me with a sense of comradery and encouragement that made the entire difference.

How Surrogacy Supported Tayler’s Family Financially

NF: In our experience, the primary motivation of surrogates is to help others have a family but they have shared that the surrogate compensation provided them with the opportunity to contribute to their family’s financial future. How was it empowering for you to be able to support your spouse and family?

TL: We are called as partners to support our spouses. Contributing financially made me feel like I was able to take some of the pressure off of my husband. Through surrogacy, you don’t have to put in your two weeks notice or spend hours updating your resume to apply somewhere brand new at your next duty station. We build these resumes to prove our worth and to answer, “Why hire me? What makes me stand out? Why me over someone else?” But with surrogacy, you’re validated, you’re needed, wanted, and incredibly worthy. It’s very challenging as a military spouse to have to pack up and start over and I just think that surrogacy really gives you that option to go with the flow, to contribute, and to be supportive as a partner.

NF: How did your surrogate pay help with your family’s finances?

TL: Our money has been used to put my children both into a wonderful private school system. We did move just into a bigger rental and the compensation allowed for us to take care of that. We were able to get another car because we were sharing one briefly after our military move. It has helped us in a lot of financial ways. It is also incredibly helpful just to have that cushion of savings that was never really there before the journey.

Helping Other Military Spouses Become Surrogates

NF: In your role at ConceiveAbilities, have you met with other military spouses who are also considering becoming a surrogate?

TL: Helping build families as a military spouse, as a surrogate, and then as an employee with ConceiveAbilities has been a very deeply personal way for me to serve others. I meet applicants all the time who share the lifestyle that I experienced for 28 years. I have the privilege of guiding them through the surrogacy screening process as one of the first people that they get to connect with on their journeys. Beyond my professional role, I get to be a friend to these women. I get to offer advice and support with a sense of empathy and understanding because I’ve walked a similar path.

NF: What advice would you give to someone who is contemplating a surrogacy journey?

TL: Do your research. Have that conversation with your partner. If it’s something that sits on your heart every single night the way that it did on mine, pursue it. Apply and find out if you qualify to be a surrogate. Let that excitement take you to the end. It’s a beautiful and rewarding journey but it takes that first step to keep the motivation going. If my experiences as a military spouse and surrogate could offer any kind of encouragement to others that are trying to find confidence in their own purpose then I will have fulfilled my own calling.

Talking to Children About Surrogacy

NF: How did you talk about surrogacy with your children?

TL: There is a lot of material out there on how to guide these conversations and navigate this with your children. My youngest was just too young to understand. My older one was four when I started the journey. Kids in his class would be like, “Are you having a brother? Are you having a sister?” We explained it to him by saying that this is a gift. My love language is gift giving and we are giving this gift to her mom and dad. He knew that the baby wasn’t a sibling. He knew it was a baby that we were not going to keep. I think that he grasps just the basics of that. Now that he’s older, he knows that Hazel is our surrogate baby. Hazel is a part of the family but not within our bloodline. I think that it’s exciting for children when there’s a new baby, whether it’s yours or not. When the intended family was able to bring Hazel to the house and introduce her to my children, it gave my kids that closure I think that they needed.

Tayler’s Advice for Women Considering Surrogacy

NF: Is there anything else you would like our listeners and readers to know?

TL: Surrogacy was not something I thought of doing when I was younger. My “aha” moments happened a little later on in life. I love going to bed every single night knowing I did what I could to help a family grow. It is so empowering. If I could bottle up that feeling and keep that in my pocket, I would. And I would hand it out to every single person that I passed on the street.

A Calling to Help Build Families

Inspired by Tayler’s surrogacy journey? Learn more about surrogacy and the military. Ready to take the first step to helping build families? Take this short survey to begin the process to become a surrogate.