A Broken Home

Unknown of what to write this winters eve. Should we continue to strive at writing our own story? For what ever reason that we do, I think it is the right one. Me, I am writing so people know who I am, what has happened in my life, and most importantly, to move on. I suffer from serious mental illness so I do not write the best so I would appreciate you looking past the unexplained errors.

So, my heart has been ripped out of my body ten years ago and I am still recovering. Messing with the wrong guy was a bad idea. Was not really my fault, I have daddy issues and I could not recognize what love was from a guy. This love was found on the onset of my schizophrenia illness, but life was always hard for me. Have I found my inspiration, my light, the all-encompassing reason for my existence? No. One thing I have found is the Lord, his strive to exist.

However, were not here to talk about the Lord are we. I am not at peace with the way I live, and since I continue to hang on to the past, it makes me wonder what I have for the future. As a woman I want to see my future as the man I will marry, maybe that is something to talk about. I have been single for ten years since my last boyfriend and he was not even a man I wanted to marry. Yet I have eloped, probably around seventeen years ago.

The man I eloped with was a man with three children, I do not even regret it. What I do regret is hurting those kids. I met him at my work as a casino customer service representative, giving out the cards for playing points on the slot machines, it was not my most exciting work but I was again recovering living with my dad. I had one date, and I can tell you the mistake with sleeping with a guy on the first date, do not advice it. Well after that he was having problems with his ex-wife who took of and left him with the kids. He worked full time so he could not watch them. I was unhappy with the part time job and the hardship with living with my father. So, I moved in and took full time care of his kids. This however was not the life for me, his place was a disaster and there was never enough food for his kids. I changed this though, it allowed me to matter. I fed, clothed, bathed and took them to school, we did activities so they would not get in trouble and it was fun. I grew attached. Yet we still have the mother to consider. After four months of no calling, disappearing off the face of the earth, she came back.

When she came back trouble started happening. The kids started rebelling, saying I am not their mother and things like that. More importantly, bruises and cuts, injuries on the children started happening. It seemed the boyfriend of the mother called CPS on her and they showed up at our door. That was an experience, sad, for the kids, because then the father had to enforce full time custody. This enraged the mother and she started harassing me. Something inside me wanted to take care of the kids, so I persuaded the father to marry me. Mostly so we can get the mother off my back, however it only made it worse. Whether it was my mental imbalance I eloped with the man and the harassment from the mother got worse. Especially from the kids. I was losing it.

I asked my husband to control his ex, but he said she scared him, and he could do no such thing. So, I left him, throwing my stuff out the window and I would have climbed out of it myself but my husband asked me to say goodbye to the children, I blocked that out, I don’t remember what I said to the poor kids. They were 4,5, and 6 years of age. I moved in with my mother and filed for divorce. When I went back to his place to claim more of my item the ex-wife was there. He said he needed someone to take care of the kids…