3 Steps to Good Parenting

No matter how many how-to books are published, there is no actual guidebook to being a good parent. So in this article, I'm going to share three simple things that are part of what makes a good parent, well, good.

The 16th-century monk Martin Luther wrote,

"Good works do not make a good man, but a good man does good works; evil works do not make a wicked man, but a wicked man does evil works."

Although Luther was talking about religion, it can also be used as a guide to parenting. In essence, acting as a good parent does not make you one. But being a good parent does show. How many people go on about the latest child care doctrine released while ignoring the child at their feet? A good parent would not talk the talk without walking the walk.

This is where my three simple steps come in. They are not hard to understand, nor are they hard to follow.

1. I treat each child as an individual, with their own thoughts and feelings. They have the same needs and wants that I do but have less capacity to understand them.

The first step is to see my child as a human being. They are not just a little person I have made and have to care for until they can do it for themselves. My job as a parent is to teach them how to make those choices while guiding them. Children do not naturally have boundaries. That's where I, as the parent, come in. I have to give them boundaries while letting them explore the world around them safely. It's a juggling act of too much and too little. The key is finding that golden area, where they have freedom but also limits. I often think of it as buying a brand new puppy. They have to be house trained, leash trained, taught how to wait, sit and everything else it takes to teach a puppy how to be a well-adjusted adult dog.

Now, if I am willing to do that, why would the thought of doing it with a baby human be any different? Just like the puppy, the tiny human is dependant on me for everything. They learn what they see. So whatever my small person knows and does, it is a reflection on me as a parent.

2. I make mistakes. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and if anyone says there is, they are lying.

This is where a lot of parents trip up. All those happy families portrayed on Insta and Facebook are nothing more than false advertising. Real families have bad days. There are meltdowns and tempers lost. So what if the house is not spotless? Are the kids fed, clothed and happy? That's all that matters. As a parent, I don't always get it right; parenting is like defusing a bomb at the best of times. Sometimes, I get the correct wire, and sometimes I get the wrong one. The problem is not my bomb-defusing skills; it's that the red and blue wires are constantly changing polarity! Toddlers and teenagers are pretty similar; they are all grumpy, moody, emotional messes that live in their selfish worlds. Although this horrible stage is a phase that feels never-ending, they eventually turn into functioning human beings. As a bonus, when they eventually have their children, I will get to gloat and remind them it's their turn.

3. I care about my children.

This is the most important clue that I'm are an awesome parent. There will be ups and downs. Days do come where I want to give up and walk away. There will be moments where the sight of them drives me insane, but then I will turn around, and something they have done melts my heart. If I care about their happiness and well being, then I am a good parent. It doesn't matter if I can buy them the latest and greatest thing. Designer names do not matter and screw keeping up with the Jones'. As long as I love my children, do what I can to care for them, and work hard to turn them into fully functioning adults, I am a good parent. No one will tell me differently.

These three simple but overlooked tips are vital points to parenting. I have worked with professionals for years within developmental and additional needs programs. Every one of them has agreed with the three points. I call it the common sense parenting technique, but that's just me.

The first step to being not only a good parent but the best parent is to care. Everything else comes with time and experience. But, caring and wanting to do whatever is necessary to make sure that child is taken care of and raised with love and understanding and boundaries is the most crucial step in being a parent or guardian.