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14 and Pregnant

by Denita Waiters about a year ago in pregnancy
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Teenage Pregnancy

14 and Pregnant
Photo by Cassidy Rowell on Unsplash

It was 1987, I had just 13 and was ready to enjoy life as a teenager and all the perks that came along. One day, during the summer, I met this nice looking chocolate man. My eyes were attracted to another guy who wasn't really interested in me so why not see what his guy has to offer me. Here I am, 13 years old with a body like a grown woman. I didn't understand why guys were always trying to talk to me then, but as I got older I knew it was the way I was shaped that caught their attention.

The first time you have sex, it's supposed to hurt, but he was not the first guy I had been intiimate with. I lost my virginity at 12 years old to a man who at that time was like 20 years old. YES!!! He should've gone to jail for statutory rape, but my mother never knew about the age my virginity was taken so he never went to jail. And then there were others to follow. Having unprotected sex at such a young age, not knowing about birth control or even saving yourself for your husband was something that I was never taught growing up by my mother. And I am not blaming my mom for my sexual behavior, I just felt like mom's are supposed to talk to their daughters about things like that.

It had to have been around October or November of 1987, my mom came and picked me up from gymnastics and we went over to one of her friends house. I always loved being over there, we always have a good time at their house. I'm just laid out on their carpet like I always do when I am over there and here comes my godsister saying to me loudly in front of everyone, "Dee you look like you pregnant." Looking at her in embarrassment I jokingly say, "I am not pregnant." Inmy mind that answer rang true. I mean. I knew my breast had grown and were even sore at times, so sore that my mom took me to see a dr who said it was my body changing. Never even gave me a pregnancy test. By now, my stomach has started to fill out. I started wesring big clothes to school. I continued playing sports, and even continued with gymnastics, until January of 1988 gets here. My mother noticed only ine child was having her minthly cycle and not two gilrs. "Denita just tell me the truth. I won't be mad. Are you pregnant?" My reply, "No mommy." She definitely did not believe me so she took me to the dr to get a test done. Low and behold I was pregnant. I was so scared. Not about just being pregnant, but what my mother was gonna do to me. She immediately let the dr know that I was not keeping the baby and she wanted me to terminate. When they did the ultrasound to see how far along I was, they said I was too far into my pregnancy to abort. Adoption was never an option so keeping my baby it shall be.

After leaving the doctor's office, my mother wanted to know who the father was. Again, I'm only 13, I can't tell my mom about all the sexual partners I had been with. Hell, looking back at it now, I was very promiscuous at such a young age. I had to really sit and try to remember who the partner I was with. By now, I was really into this other guy, he was such a nice friend to me and then one thing just led to another and we had sex a few times unprotected. Honestly,I really had forgotten about that chocolate dude I was with back in August of 1987. I told my mom who it was and immediaely, she reached out to the guys parents and a meeting was scheduled for us to sit down and discuss my pregnancy.

Sitting at this guy's house with his parents and my mom there, my stomach started to get real sick. The guy that I had named , his father always used to give me butterflies in my stomach for some reason. When asked by his father if my baby was his, he said no. My eyes wandered over to where he was sitting and if looks could kill, he would've been dead on the spot. "NOT YOYR BABY? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT YOUR BABY" Those were the words that rang out of my mouth. He then proceeds to tell both his parents and my mother that there were other guys I had slept with. My heart sank. Like, I loved this dude, or so I thought. And, I thought he loved me too. How could he do this to me? How could he tell me when we're alone that he loves me,yet denies me and my baby in front of his mom and dad. Afternthe arguing settled down, his dad made the decision that after I have the baby, we'd have a paternity test done. I didn't realize then, but my mom was so disappointed in me.

Back in the 80's, if you were a teenaged mother, you could no longer attend the school that you were registered to attend. I guess a pregnant teenager sets a wrong example in the school system. I attended school in Westport, CT and had never been to any school in Bridgeport, let alone a school full of pregnant teenagers. This school that I went to looked like a doctor's office, and, it was located across the street from one of Bridgeport's low-income housing project. Could you imagine how I felt being in a strange setting, not knowing anybody whatsoever in this school and unsure of what I'm gonna do after this baby is born? Every girl that was there, were all put in classes according to their age. Since I was only in the eighth grade, I was placed with girls who were in the sixth to eighth grade. YES, I said it correctly. Here I am thinking this whole time that all the girls in my classroom were also in the eighth grade until the teacher asked one student what grade she was in. When she said the sixth grade I was like you are joking right? Nope. She was in the sixth Grade. Years later, that same student's child was abducted from one of the elementary schools here in town. I would like to belive her abduction is the reason schools installed security cameras and bussers in the all school buildings nationwide.

My due date was estimated to be May 5, 1988 but my baby had other plans. Everybody in school has given birth except for me. I was so ready to get this baby out of me and get back to my regular shape. I was ready to go back to my regular school. I knew by the time I had my baby, I'd atleast get a month to be with my school friends.

I finally started having contractions on May 16, 1988 and everbody in the family was so excited. This was gonna be the first grandbaby in the family. My labor was the worst. I tried all day to push that baby out of me. But, after hours of pushing, my doctor decided that a cesarean section had to be done. I was so scrared to have surgery. I mean I had my tonsils out in the 4th grade but tyey're talking about cutting open my stomach. Darryl arrived into this world weighing 8lbs 9oz, my mom was the first person to even see him. I was still sedated from the surgery. When I was able to see him, I fell in love. Look at this beautiful person that I bought into this world. How will I be ableto take care of something this small? Hands were balled up and he just was perfect. I had to stay in the hospital for five long days. And every day that I was there, they pushed on my stomach like thdy were trying to deflate a ball. That was very painful. So the person that I named as the father was not there for the delivery or after. But it was ok with me. I had my mom, my sister, and the few friends that stuck by my side during my pregnancy.

Darryl was about a month old when we went to have the DNA test done. I don't remember how long it took for the results to come in, but when they did, the results revealed that he wasn't thr father after all. My mother justlooked at me and was like, "Denita he is not the father. Who is?" I wasn't about to discuss this in front of this dude because I was so hurt that it wasn't him and I was embarassed because i felt like people are now going to look at me differntly. (Which they did). As we drove home, my mom asked me again. I told her it was that chocolare dude I had been with in August of '87. She was like "who is that?" After I refreshed her memory she told me to get in touch with him. I hadn't seen that dude since I my cousin's graduation where they attended the same high school. After that, I had no idea where he was.

In the Spring of 1993, I was 19 and pregnant with my third child. By now,my family moved around the corner from our old house. Surprisingly, on the same street that my son's father used to live on. It was a spring day and I was sitting on front porch when I look up,I see this figure coming towards where I was sitting and I'm saying to myself, that looks like him. So I yell out his name and he turns around and says, "I've been looking for you." I said yeah I knid of figured you would. See because I was a minor, my mom had to be responsible for him so she signed up for welfare to help with some of the costs. See when you apply for government assistance, they go after the non-custodial parent for child support. So he must've received something in the mail about child support. My son was five years old when he met his dad for the first time. Is it my fault? Entirely. I should've been honest from the beginning and I wasn't.But he's here now and that was all that mattered.

My mother had to get used to the fact that Darryl's father was finally in his life because her and my sister had him spoiled rotten to the core. He was the perfect child. All my friends loved him. My son died on June 4, 2016 due to a motorcyle accident. When he died a whole part of my heart was ripped out. Not to mention when he died,we hadn't spoken to each other in 3 years. That guilt alone caused serious depression. I isolated myself from everything and everyone. It's now been four years since his passing, and even though I still walk around with that pain of guilt, I have started a non-profit organization to help me get through me depression and emptiness.

If I could talk to my younger self today, or even reach just one teenager, my advice would be, Don't rush growing up. Enjoy your childhood for as long as you can. To the young girls coming up now, Respect your body. Not every man is looking for a woman that twerk. You are better than what you look like.

pregnancy

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Denita Waiters

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