Who you were in high school doesn't have to follow you to University.

So, high school was not my favourite experience. It was an uncomfortable, awkward blip in my timeline full of overwhelming pressures. I am not entirely proud of the decisions I made or even the person I used to be. Any reminders of certain cringe-worthy mistakes are downright painful. When I entered university, I created a life that was completely separate from my past. I was determined to shred any reminder of high school. By the time graduation rolled around, I didn't even buy a yearbook because I was so desperate to forget it. The promise of a clean slate and opportunity to start over was mesmerizing to me as an anxious and naïve young adult. Despite clearly running away from my past, the silver lining that came from this attitude was that in time, I used the shame I felt as inspiration to evolve beyond it.

I was bullied from an early age during elementary school, and it continued until grade 12. The hostility from my peers began as verbal and physical attacks, which eventually transitioned into online threats. Due to the repression of this significant trauma, I inevitably suffered from intense social anxiety in high school. Within my first year at York University, I realized I couldn't keep letting my disorder control my life. So I took initiative and began seeing a counselor on campus. I also began putting myself in situations that made me uncomfortable, where I would be seen and heard. My habits, beliefs, and lifestyle changed tremendously over those 5 years. Counselling, family, and accepting friends gave me the space I needed to comprehend and heal my trauma. During the summer before fourth year, I reconnected with an old friend who stopped talking to me when we began our respective post-secondary journeys. She expressed that she was happy to see how much I had grown and changed. However, as our conversations delved more into irrelevant details of the past, it occurred to me that all she could see in front of her was the young girl she once knew all those years ago. Like "Wow, Vanessa! You have grown up so much! I'm so happy for you... but you were so weird in high school". The conversation left me feeling extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt as if I was simultaneously shrinking into the small box of who I used to be. Emotions of alienation were triggered as I heard the call of my past, tempting me to regress from the soul work I had done. I was also baffled by the juvenile pettiness of the "he said/she said" narrative when catching up with my old friend. Unfortunately, some people just can't grasp the fact that things change over the course of five years!

It is not uncommon to feel regret when being reminded of your past. But who you were in high school does not have to follow you to post-secondary. While you can't change anything about your experience, you have no obligation to be the same person. The post-secondary years are pivotal, and you have the power to live on your own terms. As everyone goes their separate ways, your peers and even friends may associate you with the decisions you made. In time, you'll see that you don't have to live your life based on who you said you were during your adolescence. Your mistakes, no matter how embarrassing, will lead you to exactly where you need to be. Your past may be an inevitable anchor, but you do not have to live within its chains. Once you accept the person you were and are becoming, you will no longer feel the need to hold yourself to the outdated standard of your youth. You will also hold no room in your life for people who try to associate you with the same criteria. You deserve to claim the freedom that will allow you to evolve into your most authentic self. After all, there is more to life than the blip in your timeline that is high school.