What the F**k is Jobcorps?

If you're between the ages of 16 and 24 and you dropped out of High School, chances are, you've heard of Job Corps. A government program created to boost employability among disadvantaged youths, Job Corps is generally most popular for the Fox News special sever years ago that uncovered serious crimes and incidents of abuse at a Jobcorps in North Texas. The special went behind the scenes, showing blatant drug use, violence, and even assault. The scene painted was horrifying and pushed a political agenda to cut funding for the program.

Well, I'm here to tell you that not all Jobcorps are glorified hell holes. I went to a Forest Service jobcorps in Anaconda Montana. It was one of many in the state, and to most recruiters, the best campus to be on. The idea behind enrollment is to complete your high school education if you haven't already and to learn a trade. All Jobcorps offer different programs depending on location. The most popular trade in Anaconda was welding. I myself enrolled in the Culinary Program.

While at Jobcorps, I earned certifications in Culinary Arts, a High School Diploma, and six college credits. All of this was free, and after graduation, I received a little over a thousand dollars to use at my own discretion. But lets not just skim over the surface of my time in the program. This isn't a cheesy government commercial. I'm here to tell you the good and the bad. All the little things that made my experience at Jobcorps both incredibly valuable and unbelievably damaging.

My class began in October of 2014. It consisted of 5 other students, all male, and myself. It was small considering the number they had received two weeks prior. Nineteen students, and my class was only six. Out of all of them, I would remain there the longest. This was partly due to my program, and partly because I was involved in much more on center than they were.

From taking Drivers Education classes, to earning my diploma, life was busy at the Jobcorps. In general, I wasn't well liked due to my tendency to follow the rules. I was known to "snitch" on students for doing anything indecent. Whether this was watching pornography in the culinary classroom (yes, that did happen) or grinding up Benadryl and snorting it (Yes, that also happened), no one got away with anything when I was around.

My tendency to follow the rules eventually earned me a leadership position in my dorm. I use the term "dorm" loosely, as they were really just four hallways lined with beds, military style. I rose through the ranks quickly, both in the dorm and in my trade. Soon enough, I was leading everywhere on center. From the kitchen, to the dorms, to the Student Government Association. You might be thinking, that all sounds great. What was the issue?

I'll tell you. The issue was that I suffered from severe mental illness and was suicidal for the majority of the time. There was no councilor. There was no Psychiatrist. I was left to fend for myself in a world where people who struggled should hide it. I was told to only have emotions in private. That I couldn't cry in front of people. That I was lying. That I needed to stop. The list goes on and on. I can't count how many times I went to someone on staff and said I was afraid for my life. Nothing ever changed. I was sick everyday, vomiting every night and barely sleeping.

It sickens me that so many people stood by and watched me suffer. And yet, I am thankful I wasn't able to leave. It was the worst 18 months of my life. Never before had I been so terrified or so close to ending my life. But so many things I have now wouldn't have been possible without my time at Jobcorps. I got into an honors program in College because of it. I was accepted into various programs for it. I was able to attend Girl's State, take two college classes for free, and earn my diploma because of it.

And yet, I question if it was actually worth all the suffering I put myself through. Pain may make us stronger, but how much is too much? Will I ever get back the pieces of myself that I lost in that time? I know the program was created with good intentions. But I will never forget how afraid I was. How afraid my family was.

I will never forget.