Things Kids Say

Upon meeting someone new at work and being asked what is something that I enjoy about my school, I said that our kids are funny.

It wasn't just something that I said to move past the icebreaker, it genuinely is true. The students that I work with in grades 2 - 5 can sometimes say the most outrageous things, and I will constantly find myself laughing.

Yesterday my small group that was focused on fluency was practicing their reader's theatre text - a story written in play form that is meant to be performed while reading from the script. This particular story included a 'rap' section, and watching them struggle to stay together, in the same rhythm, and while still reading the words correctly made me laugh. Especially when one of them tried banging a haphazard beat on the table.

This morning, one third grader called the other a 'nincompoop.' I'd never heard a child use that insult before, and I had to pause and laugh to myself before reminding them not to call each other names.

I was working with another third grader on sounding out words, and he was struggling with the middle vowel sound. Without thinking, I held up my pinky finger to show 'I' as if using sign language. The child didn't hesitate, linking our pinkies and saying, "Pinky promise!" I laughed so hard that I could hardly finish the lesson.

I've had a lingering cough since I had a cold in October, and I resisted going to the doctor for it a second time. One day I had a coughing fit in class, and a fifth grader said, "Miss, are you sick?"

"No," I replied, "I've just had this cough for a while."

She made a face and said, "You need to go get that checked, Miss. You sound terrible, and I ain't trying to get sick."

Sometimes they have absolutely no filter.

I got stitch braids for the first time, and among the chorus of "I like your hair!" from the fifth-grade girls, I also overheard, "Miss, it looks like you just came back from Africa or Jamaica with the beads in your hair."

My phone background is a picture of my boyfriend and I. This current picture has been on my phone for months. I purposely don't share my relationship details with students, so any inquiries into "who is that man on your phone" are purposefully diverted back to getting their work done (with a healthy dose of "why are your eyes in my phone? Look at your work!).

But the guesses that I've gotten have always made me chuckle.

One child told me that the man on my phone was my brother, another said my cousin. In the same day, I had both a second-grader and a third-grader tell me quite forcefully that he was my husband. I will point out that my white boyfriend looks absolutely nothing like me.

The amount of times that my students have tried to guess my age - and been wildly off the mark - is crazy. One of my co-teachers is actually a year younger than my baby sister, so I was able to quickly come up with a math problem for them. I told the kids that my sister was one year older than their homeroom teacher, and I was six years older than my sister.

I made myself a note that day to tell their math teacher about their abysmal performance, as somehow that made me 102.

A second grader once informed me that I've worn boots to school every single day, despite the fact that I only wear boots in the winter.

One of the other teachers has a last name very similar to mine, and the kids constantly mix them up when calling us. Their solution? "Miss, you need to change your name."

Yeah, I'll get right on that one.

Yesterday was the eclipse, and after multiple warnings to only look at the sun when wearing their eclipse glasses, we went outside. I had one child tell me she was going to pass out, another tell me that she was scared, and a final one who claimed she was just gonna look without the glasses. I couldn't do anything but laugh.

Sometimes, the way that they call each other out for their behavior leaves me ducking my head behind a whiteboard and trying not to laugh, since I'm supposed to be the adult in the situation.

"Oh my God, you have to go to the bathroom again??? Then you're going to come back and ask me what you missed and I'm not gonna help you!"

"What do you mean, you can't spell that? Did you even try??"

The best is when they adopt sayings and mannerisms of mine.

"Ya'll are moving like molasses!"

"Tie your shoes! You're gonna trip and fall and bust your head open!"

"Excuse me! You're in my bubble!"

They've even started calling each other 'ma'am' and 'sir' like I do when they're doing something ridiculous, which is quite funny to hear from fourth and fifth graders.

It's little moments like these that help to balance out the crazy things that happen on a day-to-day basis at a school. It's a stressful time of year; spring break is next week, we're starting to prepare for state testing, all on top of the normal daily grind of teaching and assessing student progress.

Trust me; these little people who are still learning social etiquette will certainly give you a chuckle or two.