The Natural Order of Humanity

The often unspoken and concealed aspects of human nature, which encompass our darker qualities, are crucial to comprehend. Understanding ourselves and those around us stands as one of life's most vital skills, given that we constantly interact with people in our daily lives. Unfortunately, many individuals struggle with honing this skill. I have personally witnessed highly skilled individuals lose their jobs or encounter difficulties due to poor people skills.

This are the 18 Fundamental Principles that, in my belief, will significantly enhance your ability to navigate human interactions and elevate your people skills.

1. The Law of Envy:

Perhaps you may be reluctant to acknowledge it, but comparing oneself to others is a common tendency. For some, this comparison serves as a motivating factor, while for others, it can trigger feelings of envy and jealousy. Most individuals do not act on their envy, but if someone starts undermining you or spreading rumors about you, it could be a sign of dangerously envious behavior.

Detecting signs of envy is often evident; one way to gauge someone's feelings is by sharing good news about yourself and observing their reactions, particularly in their eyes. Even if they are saying positive things, their eyes might betray hostility. Similarly, you can share bad news and notice if they exhibit subtle expressions of happiness. Envious people can make you feel uncomfortable and mocked, even when they praise you. Gossiping is another telltale sign of envy.

It's essential to distance yourself from envious individuals as their influence rarely leads to positive outcomes. If circumstances force you to be around such people, try deflecting envy by avoiding showing off and keeping your personal life private. Divert attention away from yourself whenever possible, and seek the company of those who genuinely celebrate your achievements and bring positivity into your life.

Whenever you find yourself envious of someone else, remind yourself that what you see is only a partial reality, and like everyone else, their life is filled with complexities, ups, and downs. Practice cultivating genuine joy for others' successes, as this can transform envy into a source of inspiration and admiration.

2. The Law of Role Playing:

I'm sure you've experienced the desire to present a better version of yourself in various situations, like business meetings, job interviews, or family gatherings. We often wear different 'masks' for different parts of our lives. This is because we need to get along with others, and showing all our true feelings and traits might make that challenging or even impossible. Someone who can't hide their true thoughts or feelings all the time can be unpleasant or disliked by others.

Being more authentic is possible with close relationships, but in many social situations, especially at work, it's essential to maintain these masks. Ignoring this aspect means missing a significant opportunity to improve your social skills. Here are two tips to make the most of this understanding:

Tip 1: Accept that these masks are necessary for functioning socially, and wear them confidently. It's not unethical; it's just what's expected in many situations.

Tip 2: People's true personalities sometimes leak through small cracks in their masks. You can learn more about them by observing their micro expressions, signs of tension, forced smiles, voice inflection, and speaking speed. Children are excellent observers, which is why liars dislike them. Just be subtle in your observations, so people don't become defensive."

3. The Law of Compulsive Behavior:

Do you know someone who always ends up falling for the wrong person, despite promising themselves it'll be different next time, only to get heartbroken again in a few months? Or maybe you've had a friend who unintentionally offended others, felt sorry, and apologized, but repeated the same behavior later? Our actions are influenced by a deep part of our personalities called character, which stays with us throughout our lives. By analyzing people's behavior over time, you can understand their character better, as people tend to repeat both their good and bad behavior, often without even realizing it until it's too late.

Here's how you can use this understanding of character to improve your relationships:

Tip 1: Pay attention to people's behavior patterns, how they make decisions, solve problems, and handle power, responsibility, and pressure. Stress can reveal a person's true character when they become more vulnerable and less flexible.

Tip 2: Value character above all else when choosing people to relate to, including choosing a partner. Focus on qualities like strength, flexibility, empathy, and persistence rather than just charm and attraction. This way, you can avoid wasting time on incompatible and toxic relationships.Tip 3: Be cautious of toxic character types. Here are a few to watch out for:

• The hyper-perfectionist: They may seem dedicated, but they care more about control than actual results.
• The relentless rebel: They dislike authority and rules and won't take criticism well, which may eventually turn against you.
• The personalizer: Highly sensitive and taking everything personally, they can make you feel guilty for unintentional offenses.
• The big talker: Impressive at first, but you'll find they boast about things they've never done or will never do.
• The pampered prince or princess: Acting childishly and demanding, they may make you feel guilty for not giving them everything they want.
• The savior: Offering help and support, but it can turn controlling and manipulative when you try to be independent.

By understanding character and being mindful of these patterns, you can build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

4. The Law of Covetousness:

If you've ever watched small children playing together, you'll notice an interesting behavior: when one child grabs a toy to play with, suddenly, the other children want it too. And if you tell them they can have any toy except one, guess which one they'll throw a tantrum to get? From a very young age, people desire what they don't have or can't get. This behavior repeats itself – we get what we want, lose interest, and move on to covet something else. Familiarity and predictability can kill our imagination, and we easily get bored with things we already have, including our relationships.

Although we can't stop coveting, we can learn to use it to our advantage. Here are three ways to do that:

Tip 1: Identify what you truly desire and differentiate between positive and counterproductive coveting tendencies. Don't just covet something because everyone else does; consider the negatives too. For instance, many desire fame, but are they prepared to handle the lack of privacy and freedom it brings?

Tip 2: Find joy in your current reality and be grateful for what you have today. Being deeply connected to your reality gives you the power to change only what truly needs to be changed.

Tip 3: Become an elusive object of desire. While honesty and authenticity are positive traits, being too predictable can make you less appealing. Instead of focusing solely on what you covet, pay attention to other people's fantasies and unfulfilled desires. Shape their perceptions of you and your work, and create an impression that others want what you have. By associating your image or work with something forbidden or secret, you'll pique curiosity and become more attractive. Don't always be readily available; let people want what others seem to desire, just like children fighting over a coveted toy.

5. The Law of Repression:

Have you ever felt the urge to do something terrible that shocked you? If you claim that bad thoughts never cross your mind, it might be because you've been suppressing your shadow. The shadow is the part of ourselves that we hide, even from our own awareness, because we don't want to admit having those aspects. It contains our worst insecurities, terrible secrets, aggressive tendencies, and selfish desires. Sometimes, when we feel stressed or vulnerable, small parts of this hidden side leak out, leading to contradictory or accidental behavior and emotional outbursts.

Many of us try to hide our shadows, but that's not the right approach. The more we deny our shadow, the stronger it becomes. This is true culturally as well – the more a culture prohibits something, the more people are drawn to its shadow aspects. That's why stories about serial killers, cruel villains, and extreme violence are so popular. Similarly, people who project only perfection are perceived as fake and inauthentic because they're repressing a part of themselves. Embracing our imperfections and shadow makes us more relatable and genuine.

Here's how to work with your shadow:

See the shadow: Pay attention to the version of yourself you present to the world. If you are always cheerful and patient, you might be hiding the opposite traits as well. Reflect on times when you were oversensitive or aggressive to understand your hidden aspects better.

Embrace the shadow: Once you identify the hidden parts, don't ignore them. Admitting your flaws can make you more likable and relatable.

Explore your shadow: Play with the thoughts and feelings that were previously hidden and channel that energy into your creative work or hobbies.

Show the shadow: Allow yourself to be more assertive, weird, or even selfish in a healthy way. You'll notice that many successful people are eccentric or unconventional because embracing their shadows opens up more chances for success.

By acknowledging and integrating our shadow, we become more authentic and open ourselves up to greater personal growth and success.

6. The Law of Narcissism:

In some ways, we all have some level of narcissism. We often focus on our own goals and feelings and seek appreciation. Most of us can give ourselves love and attention. We don't constantly need validation from others. Empathy is the opposite of narcissism. It means putting aside our self-centeredness and turning our attention to others. The more empathetic we are, the healthier we become. Empathetic people recover quickly from being hurt, don't take things personally, and can laugh at themselves. They also understand others better and build healthier relationships.

7. The Law of Irrationality:

You might have experienced a similar situation before, where someone overreacted, and you suffered the consequences, or maybe you were the one overreacting. This happens because we can't always think rationally; sometimes, emotions dominate and lead to poor decisions. Emotions are not bad, as they are necessary, but they are guided by a simple principle: we try to avoid pain and seek pleasure. This means that even when we know what's right, doing it isn't always easy because it might be painful. That's why many people find it challenging to admit they're wrong or change their minds since it involves pain.

To become more rational, here are four tips:

Accept your irrationality: Thinking you're always rational makes you emotions and flawed interpretations.

Examine reactions: Analyze your behavior to learn more about yourself. This knowledge can help your rational side take control in similar situations in the future.

Increase reaction time: Give yourself space and time to calm down before reacting. Often, the perfect response comes when you are calmer after an argument.

Accept pain: Embrace both pleasurable and uncomfortable feelings. Increase your tolerance for pain, being okay with being wrong, feeling hurt, or guilty. When you accept your feelings, they'll have less power over you.believe you're right all the time, leading you to react impulsively based on

By incorporating these tips, you can become more rational and make better decisions, even in emotionally charged situations.

8. The Law of Short-sightedness:

This principle is what hinders your success in diets, developing good habits, and eliminating bad ones. If we could always focus on the long term, it would be easier to avoid eating sugar, for instance, as we'd remember its negative impact on our health. However, it's challenging to think about that when faced with a tempting piece of chocolate cake right in front of us. People often react to present circumstances and forget that most things are temporary and have consequences. It's like being near the base of a mountain surrounded by a dense forest, limiting our view. But as we climb higher, our perspective expands, and from the top, we can see the big picture better than anyone else. So, how can you climb that mountain and gain a broader perspective? Here are four tips:

Anticipate consequences: Just like the authorities' snake problem in Delhi, try to foresee all possible consequences of your actions, even if they seem obvious. Ask yourself how you can handle each of them.

Prioritize your battles: Sometimes, we invest too much energy in conflicts that don't align with our real priorities. Step back and question if winning a particular fight will truly help you reach your goals. Some battles are simply not worth it.

Cultivate patience and long-term goals: In the age of instant gratification, work on building patience and focusing on long-term objectives to achieve success.

Filter essential information: In an era of information overload, train your mind to filter the necessary details based on your priorities and goals.

By applying these tips, you can overcome the short-term focus that hampers your success and gain a clearer understanding of the bigger picture, paving the way for achievement and growth.

9. The Law of the Defensiveness:

To exemplify this principle, the author shares a story about a rebellious teenager caught selling drugs at school. Despite being suspended, he still had to do his homework, which he strongly resisted. His mother cleverly used the principle to persuade him to study. She told him that the principal doesn't want him to learn from home because he believes students can't succeed that way. This reverse psychology motivated the boy to study harder than ever before, as he wanted to prove the principal wrong.

All of us like to believe that we possess three qualities: autonomy, intelligence, and goodness. We deny being influenced by others and may rebel if someone tries to change or persuade us. To become a master persuader, the author offers several strategies:

• Work within their self-opinion: Respect and validate people's existing beliefs, even if they are not entirely positive or realistic. Empathize with them before attempting to persuade, making them feel like they are influencing you.
• Be a deep listener: Listen more than you speak, responding in a way that validates their thoughts and encourages them to express themselves further. Avoid sounding like an interviewer, as it might trigger defensiveness.
• Inspire safety: Foster an environment where people feel accepted and loved as they are, reducing their defensiveness and opening them up to new ideas.
• Allay their insecurities: Identify and avoid triggering their insecurities. People appreciate those who appreciate them, so be mindful of how you provide feedback and validation.

• Use resistance and stubbornness: Some individuals are resistant and feel like the world is against them. Harness this resistance to your advantage, just as the mother did with her rebellious son.

By employing these strategies, you can effectively persuade others without challenging their beliefs or triggering defensiveness. Building trust and understanding is key to inspiring positive change in people's thoughts and actions.

10. The Law of Self-sabotage:

Let's consider two individuals, Marcus and Lydia, traveling to Paris. Marcus finds Paris unappealing due to the difficult language and crowded sights, which makes him feel uncomfortable and lonely. He returns home with a negative impression of Paris, telling others it's not worth visiting. On the other hand, Lydia is thrilled despite her limited French skills. She embraces meeting new people, even if some poke fun at her, and ends up making friends who provide helpful tips for enjoying the sights. Lydia plans to visit Paris again soon.

This example highlights how two people can have contrasting experiences based on their attitudes and perspectives. Marcus displays a negative and cautious outlook, always expecting the worst, while Lydia approaches things with openness and positivity. Different attitudes can significantly impact how a shared experience affects individuals.

To cultivate more positive experiences, consider adopting expansive attitudes:

Replace conviction with curiosity: Embrace being a fearless and open-minded explorer rather than holding fixed beliefs.

Don't avoid frustration and obstacles at all costs: Adversities are unavoidable, but you can control your responses to them, viewing negative events as opportunities for learning and growth.

Avoid adopting an indifferent and skeptical attitude: People who seem negative might be masking underlying fears and insecurities.

Don't take things personally: Realize that how others react to you often says more about them than it does about you.

Don't limit yourself: Recognize that your body and mind have greater potential than you might think. Embracing a positive mindset can improve your health and capabilities.

By adopting these expansive attitudes, you can approach life with a more positive outlook, leading to more fulfilling and enriching experiences.

11. The Law of Grandiosity:

Throughout history, aggression has been a tool we used to protect ourselves from danger and fight for essential needs like food and shelter. While modern life has reduced the need for hunting or territorial disputes, our aggressive impulses still exist beneath the surface. Sometimes, we feel insecure or vulnerable, triggering our aggression and leading us to say and do things we later regret. Here are some tips to deal with aggression:

Recognize your patterns: Understand where you tend to channel your aggression so you can consciously make a change.

Don't hold it in: Aggression is like pressure; if you keep it bottled up, it can explode and harm you. Find healthy ways to release it.

Embrace your ambitions: Use your aggression positively to fuel personal growth and improvement.

Overcome self-doubt: Be persistent and determined in pursuing your goals, regardless of any doubts you may have.

Channel aggression productively: Direct your aggression toward solving problems and challenges, but refrain from taking it out on other people, regardless of whether you think they deserve it or not.

By acknowledging and managing our aggression, we can use it constructively to navigate life's challenges without causing harm to ourselves or others.

12. The Law of Gender Rigidity:

In ancient cultures like the Persians and Egyptians, there was a belief that humans possessed both male and female qualities, making them powerful beings. However, the gods felt threatened by this power and split humans into masculine and feminine halves. According to Green, all of us inherently have both masculine and feminine qualities, but as we grow, we tend to over-identify with one or the other due to genetic and parental influences. This leads to the repression of our other qualities, resulting in a loss of important dimensions in our character and personality.

For instance, some individuals may consider rationality as an exclusive masculine trait and belittle men who display emotional tendencies, dismissing sentiments like "Boys Don't Cry." Despite evidence showing that men can be just as emotional, if not more so, than girls, this biased thinking persists. To foster personal growth and stronger relationships, it is crucial to embrace both masculine and feminine qualities within ourselves and strike a balance.

By bridging this internal gap, we enhance our connections with others, irrespective of gender identification. Rather than conforming to society's gender expectations and pressuring others, including children, to do the same, we should create roles that align with our authentic selves, disregarding gender stereotypes. Self-reflection is key to becoming aware of the masculine or feminine traits we might have suppressed, allowing us to gradually rediscover and integrate them. This process results in greater creativity, authenticity, and independence.

13. The Law of Aimlessness:

I've come across many stories of people who achieved their dream of becoming rich, only to feel lost and unfulfilled. They discovered that money and fame, without a deeper purpose, do not bring true happiness. These material gains become endless pursuits, always leaving them wanting more. Without a higher purpose, achieving goals becomes a hollow experience, and new goals replace the old ones as soon as they are achieved, leaving them feeling adrift and questioning the meaning of their lives.

To find a sense of purpose and fulfillment, consider these strategies:

• Discover your calling by exploring your inclinations since childhood. Look for activities that have always brought you pleasure, felt natural, and easy. Your true vocation might lie at the intersection of different fields, such as technology and design or literature and philosophy.
• Embrace negative opinions and experiences. Don't shy away from criticism or failure, as they can be valuable sources of learning and motivation. Let negative experiences fuel your sense of purpose.
• Surround yourself with purposeful energy. Seek out people who have a strong sense of purpose, as their passion and drive will inspire and motivate you to be your best.
• Create a ladder of descending goals. Set ambitious long-term goals that provide clarity and determination, but also create smaller, achievable goals that you can accomplish in shorter periods. Celebrate each milestone to remind yourself of your purpose.

By connecting your goals to a higher purpose and understanding what truly brings meaning to your life, you can find lasting fulfillment and happiness beyond mere material success.

14. The Law of Conformity:

In the 1950s, psychologist Solomon Ash conducted a group experiment where participants were shown line segments and asked to choose the one that matched the length of another line. When asked individually, most participants selected the correct line. However, when they were in the presence of others who intentionally chose the wrong line, about 75 percent of participants conformed and picked the line the rest of the group had chosen. This phenomenon of conformity can be observed in various aspects of our lives, such as the way we dress, the food we eat, and the brands we buy, as we seek to belong to social groups.

Conformity does not stem from naivety or being easily manipulated but rather from our need to feel a sense of belonging, whether it's within our close friend circle or in a larger societal context. The challenge arises when we are willing to sacrifice our rationality to fit in, leading us to take unnecessary risks. As conformity is inevitable, the key is to understand the triggers that cause this irrational response in us, so we can maintain our independence and rationality while still being part of a group.

Green proposes the concept of a "Reality Group" as a solution. This means using the power of social influence for a positive purpose, collaborating to achieve something great together. Here are some tips to establish a successful Reality Group:

Focus on ideas, not individuals, and encourage the group members to do the same.

Define a positive mission that brings the group together and communicate it clearly to everyone.

Use mental energy efficiently and delegate tasks to trusted individuals.

Promote open communication, allowing information and ideas to flow freely, which leads to better decision-making.

Be aware of your emotions as a leader, as people are sensitive to them. Display confidence, tranquility, and determination to inspire the group positively.

15. The Law of Fickleness:

People have mixed feelings about leadership – they desire guidance, yet they also want to have a say in decisions. They seek protection but also yearn for freedom. As a leader, you should be aware that people might turn their backs on you if you make mistakes. To lead more effectively and establish authority, consider these six strategies:

• Authenticity: Let the authority you wish to have come naturally from your character. There are various leadership styles, but it's essential to be true to yourself.
• Attitude: Be genuine and stay true to your beliefs. Avoid trying to please everyone and focus on being yourself as a leader.
• Listening: Be a good listener, valuing the input of others. Prioritize helping and serving the team rather than putting your interests first.
• Vision: In challenging times, be the one who can see beyond fear and stress, guiding everyone back to a common focus and purpose.
• Lead by Example: Work as hard or even harder than your team, demonstrating dedication and commitment. Your actions will inspire others to follow suit.
• Give More Than You Take: Avoid taking advantage of your position and strive to be generous and supportive. Taking too much may create insecurity and undermine your authority.

Be adaptable as a leader, as your authority grows with the confidence and respect you inspire. However, be cautious not to be seen as outdated over time. Stay open to change and find ways to evolve your leadership style to suit the current times. Remember, being a leader is a substantial responsibility, not merely a privilege.

16. The Law of Aggression:

Throughout history, aggression has been a tool to protect ourselves from danger and fight for necessities like food and shelter. In today's modern world, the need for such aggression has diminished significantly, but it still plays a role in our lives. Behind our masks, we all grapple with feelings of insecurity or vulnerability, triggering aggressive impulses. Unfortunately, this can lead us to say and do things we later regret. Here are some tips to handle aggression:

• Recognize Patterns: It's crucial to identify where your aggression is directed, so you can consciously make changes.
• Don't Suppress It: Like pressure, aggression needs an outlet. Holding it in can cause it to build up and harm you in the process.
• Channel It Positively: Acknowledge your ambitions and use them as a driving force for growth and improvement.
• Overcome Self-Doubt: Believe in yourself and stay persistent in pursuing your goals.
• Target Problems, Not People: Utilize your aggression to tackle challenges and solve problems, but refrain from taking it out on others, regardless of whether you think they deserve it or not.

17. The Law of Generational Myopia:

One of the most fascinating aspects of the story, as shared by my parents and grandparents, is how clearly defined and rigid social roles were back then. There were strict expectations for people's behavior, and these norms were rarely questioned. This contrasts significantly with the way families and societies organize themselves today, as well as how we handle differences. Each generation is a blend of beliefs and ideas inherited from their parents and the desire to differentiate themselves from the previous generation. This blending creates a unique "Zeitgeist" or spirit of the times, comprising specific tastes, beliefs, struggles, and thought patterns. We all absorb these influences, becoming products of our time. Understanding the influence of your generation's spirit allows you to be more independent from the restrictions it imposes. By identifying what your generation seeks and voicing it effectively, your work is likely to resonate with others. Here are five strategies to make this happen:

Challenge Your Past: If you wish to create something new but feel constrained by the values you grew up with, don't be afraid to address the taboos of your generation.

Adapt the Past to the Present Spirit: The frustrations experienced by your generation have likely been felt before by a different generation. Observe how leaders from the past dealt with these issues and adapt some of their styles and symbols to your current reality.

Relive the Childhood Spirit: By capturing the spirit of your childhood, you can connect with everyone who experienced similar moments. Your generational peers will likely be inspired to follow you.

Subvert the Spirit: If you find yourself in conflict with some aspects of your generation's spirit, be creative and find subtle ways to deviate from it rather than fighting against it directly.

Keep Adapting: As we grow older, we often cling to our values, ideas, and styles. Enhance your flexibility by surrounding yourself with people from different generations, paying close attention to their values, ideas, and perspectives, thus expanding your own.

18. The Law of Death Denial:

Have you ever experienced the situation where you had several months to work on a school paper, but you ended up leaving it until the last week or even the final day before the deadline? It's a common occurrence, and it's similar to how we approach the idea of death. We know that one day we will die, and this thought can make us feel anxious and uncomfortable. As a result, we often try to avoid thinking about death and act as if we have all the time in the world.

However, this avoidance can lead us to put off important things in life and fail to cherish the time we have. Let's consider that if you're currently 30 years old, you might have around 30 more years of truly productive time ahead. After the age of 60, many people lose some of their power and passion to pursue their goals. Therefore, those 30 years can be considered your real productive years.

Out of those 30 years, you'll spend approximately eight years sleeping, two years on travel and daily activities, and three years on self-care. Additionally, let's allocate around two years for entertainment and leisure. When you subtract all these activities from the total, you're left with only about 15 years of truly productive time to do the things you desire.

Fifteen years might seem like a long time, but in reality, it passes quickly. Just think about how fast the years have flown by, and we're already in 2023. Life is short, and acknowledging the reality of death can serve as a motivation to prioritize the things that truly matter to you. Treat your remaining years as a deadline and let it drive you to work on what is meaningful and pursue the amazing experiences life has to offer before your time is up.