The kids aren't alright

I’m a teacher and a parent.

I’m a parent and a teacher.

I’m a parent and a teacher and an uncle and a cousin.

I am surrounded by teenagers and children and parents of teenagers and children and the overall message coming out of Lock-down and online learning is:

“My kid is not handling this.”

There are several factors behind this, but the main one is a lack of preparedness leading to a lack of communication.

I mean, actually, the main one is the sheer bloody-mindedness of a community that refuses to get around the concept of “stay away from each other you lunatics!”. But that’s a whole different article.

I want to lay this down for the parents and teachers out there, as both a parent and a teacher in a series of rules and suggestions that will get you and your kids through this in one mostly-whole piece.

Rule One: Don’t Panic.

This year is but a blip on the surface of what will probably be a full and exciting life for your child. Nobody is going to judge your child on their report card for this year. It is important to make that clear to your offspring and your students. Very few people, adult or children, were equipped to deal with this situation, so nobody is going to blame a child for not being an A student while juggling Zoom calls and bratty siblings.

Rule Two: Don’t blame your student for not doing well.

I lied when I said that nobody would blame your child for not doing well. I’ve had emails from teachers complaining that my daughter is not putting in enough effort. I’ve had emails from colleagues complaining that some of the boys in my homeroom haven’t handed in any work. I have seen phrases like “not trying” and “not putting in any effort” and “a bit lazy”.

That has to change. I have a daughter and a homeroom. That gives me responsibility for the mental well-being of over twenty-six kids. Not to mention another sixty or so that I teach. I have sent emails to colleagues and parents and my daughter’s teachers reiterating rule one.

I think that some teachers feel that they have failed a student if work is not completed. Again, we were all caught unawares by this (unless you are a conspiracy theorist). So many teachers are not equipped for online learning. They do not adapt well to change. And they are desperate to keep those facts hidden from their boss, their students and the parents of the students. So sometimes they will lash out. But before you send that stinging email, just read this next bit:

Rule Three: Communicate

Parents: talk to your child’s teachers. But remember that they are fragile. Understand the pressures being placed upon them to 1) completely re-write their classes for online learning, and 2) keep up with meetings and corrections and their own children and family at home and the stress of being forced into contact with other people due to bureaucracy.

Be nice. Explain that your child is not dealing with online learning as it stands. Explore the possibilities of a reduced curriculum. Use “I” statements, not “you” statements:

“My son is not handling the current workload, and we have made the decision to concentrate on certain subjects and assessment tasks” will work better than “You’re giving my son too much work, so we’ve told him not to do it.”

Teachers: talk to your students and their parents. Explain that you have certain requirements as a teacher and a course that you need to present to the students. Ask your students to get in touch with you if they feel as if they are falling behind. Highlight tasks that will contribute to a student’s academic score and differentiate them from tasks that are designed to increase comprehension or consolidate knowledge.

And make it clear to the students that in this time of online learning, you’re not going to punish them for not completing work. All you are asking is that the student contributes and tries their best. Speaking of which:

Rule Four: If at first you don’t succeed, lower your standards.

We all want to do our best. Sometimes our best is not what is required, but it is still your best. Sometimes your best is getting out of bed and logging onto the computer and staring at the screen while the teacher chats about something incredibly interesting that you cannot get your head around. And that is ok.

As parents and teachers, we need to be flexible. Make plans. Look at what’s not working. Change your plans. Throw out that fun lesson on roleplaying a medieval king using Zoom. Forget about making your daughter clean her room this week. Excuse yourself from that staff meeting and take a mental health day. Don’t try and do everything. Just do enough.

It will be fine.

Rule Five: Aim for OK.

Finally, I want to go back to the start and reiterate: Don’t Panic.

Nobody is doing well. Everybody has issues. We’re all in this boat together (except those guys from the pub and the security guards from that COVID quarantine place).

You’re doing fine. Keep talking. Love your kids. Do what you can. Don’t go over your limit.

The kids will be fine.