The Effects of Bullying, and Why Schools Need to Do Better

All right, here we go.

Bullying. Everyone loves to talk about it! (SARCASM)

Being bullied is a strange and very unpleasant experience, and it's different for everyone. My personal experience has been... Varied. And by that, I mean I've experienced a lot of different "versions" of bullying, from different people, and sometimes at the same time. Long story short, my school life was certainly not the most pleasant.

A "diamond in the ruff" aspect is that my teachers were amazing. I loved my classes and my teachers. It was other kids who were the problem, of course. My school career up to high school would have been a lot better if it weren't for the cruelty of kids and young adults. But I digress.

The reason for tying school itself into this is a large part of why it was so bad for me, and why it has likely been similar for many others. Yes, most of the fault goes to the bullies themselves. But some of the fault can also go to the teachers and the school system. Specifically, how they tackled the problem.

I bet this is familiar to many: You are bullied relentlessly, either physically or mentally, by other kids. You let it go for a while in the hope that it dies down and they forget about you, but they don't. Maybe it gets worse; they start doing it less discreetly, or even become physical if it wasn't already. Then, you decide to finally tell someone, AKA a teacher.

The teacher then brings you and the offending student(s) aside, and maybe even a meeting is called with the principal between you guys. They then go through all the gritty details, repeatedly shifting between blaming the bully, and then you, the victim, while also trying to brute force or scare the truth out of at least one of you. You wind up leaving that "meeting" more nervous, tense, and unhappy than you were before it started.

Sounds familiar? I am sure it is. This happened to me a lot.

I understand wanting to get both sides of the story, but physically singling out not only the supposed bully but also the victim... Let alone sitting them in the same room, and doing the "interrogations" at the same time is a horrible way of doing it. The victim(s) are already nervous, scared, unsure... You, as an adult, are meant to quell those worries and concerns, not make them worse.

That is one thing that stuck with me and makes me quite upset to this day. Another, however, is how they handled a similar situation, but with only the victim.

Imagine you have been dealing with varying types of bullying for a long time. Maybe even years. You've gotten used to it- even started to ignore it, or act like it doesn't exist. You put on a front, or just... Eventually get so numb you no longer care. Then, while you're at home one day after school, or on vacation... Something about that bullying just slips out of you by accident, and your parents hear it.

As any glorious, loving parent should, they get angry. Very angry. They're angry you've kept quiet about it so long- that it's gone on for so long. And they want it to stop. They want justice. So either you let them cause chaos on your behalf, or you do it yourself next time you're in school.

So you do. You start the process all over again: Tell a teacher, or go to the principal yourself. The issue here is that at the current point in time, the bullying is low or non-existent... Because yes, there are "lulls" in bullying. When your tormentors are distracted by other things or people, so they don't bother you as often. They happen, but you know they won't last.

Because of this... And because of how nervous, if not downright terrified you are, you can't "pinpoint" who your bullies specifically are. But the adult tasked to deal with you wants you to point them out. They want you to put a specific blame on someone... And try as you might, but you can't. The pressure is too much. You are too nervous. So you stumble or stay quiet, and you just can't do it. They parade you around the school; bring you to every class and room on each floor, and demand that you point out who is "responsible" in each one.

And when you can't, they start to doubt you. They begin to think you are lying. That you just want attention. So they do it more often. They single you out even more; force you to do the same thing, over and over again. And when you still can't break through and give a name, you are the one who gets in trouble.

That sounds horrible, and it is. And as you can imagine, it happened to me a lot. Especially in High School.

Now I will say I am not devoid of blame. Not at all. But I was still the victim in all of this. I still wanted help, and instead, I was treated as the problem causer. I didn't point out the bullying when it was happening. When it mattered. I waited too long and brought up issues when they weren't easy to prove to anyone.

Along with that... I was, and still am a nervous wreck who avoids all confrontation like my life depends on it. It was a lot worse when I was a kid, so you can only imagine how absolutely terrified I was when I got pulled out of class and marched around the school. How afraid I was as the teacher parading me around became more and more annoyed with me when I couldn't do what he wanted. And how broken, sad, and confused I was when I wound up in trouble- when I was the one getting punished, even though I was the one suffering.

Instead of helping me deal with the problem, they made me even more afraid. They made me afraid to speak up. One simple mistake on my part, and suddenly they have a hard time believing me when I try to bring it up again- even when it IS happening. I became afraid to do anything about it, so I didn't. I ignored it. I allowed it to continue and just kept my head down and stayed quiet. I found other ways to avoid the problem, which frequently meant I found ways to avoid going to school. Mostly, I faked being sick to get out of going to school. A lot. It wasn't a good idea and wasn't a good solution either, but it's the only one I thought I had.

It took my entire stint in Middle School and basically all of High School before I started "caring" again. It also took the involvement of my friends for me to stick my head up and confront our bullies. They weren't just bothering me anymore, they were bothering my friends too. And that was NOT ok. It was Senior year in High School that I really bit the bullet and finally put a stop to it myself, with the help of willing teachers. But it took far too long for this to happen... And I suffered too much in between.

Those are very lasting impacts that still affect me now, and I wouldn't wish my experiences on anyone. But that's not my main goal with this blog post. It's to highlight just how horrible bullying is and to remind people that it can be stopped before it ever gets that bad. School is not only meant to teach kids, but to protect them, and help them grow. If we can't trust our teachers to help us like this... How can we trust anyone, really? How can we be ready for the great, big, mean world if we can't get help with dealing with these things while we have the chance?

I graduated in 2013, so it's been a fair amount of time since I've been engrossed in the school lifestyle. I just recently started online College Classes, so that is a very different experience in of itself. I don't know if schools have gotten any better at handling bullying than they were when I was in High School... But I will say that the number of unpleasant stories and news I see about students jumping and hurting others, or students "snapping" and taking justice into their own hands against their bullies is... Not painting a very progressive picture in my mind.

From what it looks like, we still have a long way to go. We still need to do better. I just hope we can.