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The challenges of being dyspraxic

My story

By Pritthijit DattaPublished 4 years ago 15 min read
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Before embarking on the story, I will give you a definition of dyspraxia.

Dyspraxia is a form of disability that can affect activities that require movements and co-ordination. For example, holding a brush, writing, and contact sports. It can have an impact on your immune system, mental health, social skills, perception, organisation and planning skills, processing information, short term memory. and much more. Dyspraxia individuals can do tasks, but need more time and support to do it. The condition is misunderstood. There is lack of awareness and recognition about the condition.

I want to share my story about dyspraxia and I hope you find it engaging, I am UK based 41 year old person, who has been affected by dyspraxia all my life.

Primary School

I was born in 1978. My birth was premature. Before the 37th week of my mum pregnancy, I was born earlier before the targeted date.

My journey of dyspraxia all started at primary school during the 1980s. I was an 80s child. Dyspraxia was known as clumsy child syndrome that time.

The eighties decade was awesome to grow up for its quality music, awesome movies, great tv shows and bold fashion.

Unfortunately, the days in the 80s was a torrid time for me as a child. At school, I was struggling in classroom activities.. My focus kept drifting. I would look at the window for no reasons. The views outside the window were so dull. It was just a pavement and a brick building.

The teacher handed a task for the whole class to do like write a story about a particular subject. My mind went completely blank. I did not know where to begin . I looked around the class and all pupils appeared to well ahead of me. The pencil made noises. I could not organize my thoughts. While all pupils were settled to the task, I looked baffled.

The teacher noticed it and ask what was the matter? I responded tearfully "I cannot do it"

Teacher paused for a moment, as she realized I was really struggling. She said talk about your family. I started to get on with the task. My work was well below the standards. The schools I attended always prided on high standards and nurtured pupils who were high achieving. My sentence and grammar was awful. I did not construct sentences properly. The handwriting was atrocious . From this point, things started to get worse. I became bottom in classroom work, struggled in contact sports and find it hard to make friends. I was a loner at school.

Near a brick wall, I would stand, whilst other pupils played games in the playground like a game of tug, Many of the pupils found me weird and they would ignore me. It was very hurtful for me. i gazed at the blue skies. I felt so lonely.

Teachers could not phantom what was happening to me. This prompted them to contact my parents for raising their concerns. One day, my parents saw one of the teacher whilst i was in class. They arranged a meeting, as number of issues need to be addressed about me and how to move forward,

The teacher suggested I see a GP to obtain a test on whether I have any special need conditions. It could be autism, dyslexia or dyspraxia. My dad was a well respected doctor at the time and my mother was a teacher.. He suspected that I would have dyspraxia. My symptoms closely matched as a dyspraxic child. The GP referred me to a specialist for further tests. Nothing was conclusive for some time.

Secondary school

My struggles continued at secondary school. We were in the 1990s. Every year, we did internal exams. In the exams, I became bottom. On average, I achieved 35%. This is well below the academic standard. The teachers who taught me looked deeply concerned. My parents were contacted by one of the teachers expressing their concerns. A meeting was arranged to see an educational psychologist at the age of 13. The person I saw conducted a number of tests. The results concluded that I was dyspraxic. I was formally diagnosed as being dyspraxia.

The following symptoms became apparent and closely linked with dyspraxia

* Co-ordination

* Speech

* Handwriting

* Processing information

* Prone to outbursts

* Sensory issues

* Very poor at socializing

* Organisational skills

* Tired easily

The headteacher of the school was not helpful at all. He dismissed that I had dyspraxia.

In my GCSE mock exams, I achieved very low marks. Every pupils were performing well above me, achieving A-STANDARD grades.

One of my teachers said "You will not pass any GCSE exams"

Another teacher said "You have no capabilities of doing a degree"

In a Geography assignment , I achieved

very high marks. That was very good. However, my geography teacher and headteacher arranged a meeting to discuss my results. They believed I received support and the standard of my work did not reflect my abilities.

The Geography teacher asked me to see him outside, while classroom activity was taking place. He said that I will fail the assignment on the basis I received help and someone else did my writing. I was in tears. No pupils showed sympathy to me. One said "That your problem.

I reported what happened to my dad. My dad was very furious and he walked in the school to have a word with the Geography teacher. He shouted at the teacher saying how hard I worked for the assignment, but it went to no avail. The Geography teacher did not overturn his decision. I have to accept the harsh. situation.

My parents fought the educational authority to grant extra time, but need the backing of the headteacher. It was a long battle. I finally was awarded extra time. Some pupils teased me that I will fail everything. I was in tears. I did not react at all, as I knew that I needed to proved them wrong. One pupil without thought said "You do not need extra time." I looked at him and did not say anything at all. I walked away to avoid any confrontation that could go nasty. Any outburst from me, would have been damaging particularly in a vital time for me. I needed to have a calm mind to focus on very important exams.

I completed my GCSE exams. It was a big relief. The waiting time for results to be announced was eight weeks. It would be an anxious wait. Needed to engage my mind in activities to divert my attention.

During the summer of 1996, football fever spread across UK. The Euro football 96 attract almost half the country tuning into the England match versus Germany. The home nation were agonizing close of clinching a final spot, but the penalty shootout cruelly denied them the spot. We were disappointed at the outcome. The Olympics at Atlanta also diverted my attention. Britain only scrapped a paltry five gold medals. We took a short break.

Days were looming close to face the crunch time. I woke up on the day that my exam results would be announced. It was a nice warm summer day. I hope the summer mood would not be marred with heartache. Rather nervously, I went upstairs to collect my GCSE results. Before entering the role, I prayed hoping for the best. The math teacher opened the enveloped and handed it to me. I could not believe it. I passed my GCSE exams, almost gaining an A grade in English Language. I rushed to the car, feeling ecstatic.My parents were over the moon, but still a few tears flowed in their face. We faced so many struggles and hardships. The main thing we got in the end.

College

The joy of passing GCSE exams was short lived. The transition to A-LEVELS was another rough patch.

In A-LEVEL classes, I found it very hard. It took my time to settle in college life. You were expected to devote your own time to studying. Independence learning became important. The classes taught you the minimal. You had to study at the library. Despite given freedom, you needed to utilize time sensibly.

A-LEVELS are much harder than GCSE. I found A-LEVELS very hard at first. In classroom, I struggled to understand content. Needed personal attention. The tutors at the college were very helpful and supportive to me.

In the mock A-LEVEL exams, I was struggling. The questions in the exams paper I misinterpreted completely wrong. I could not grasp what the answers the questions wanted. The marks achieved were disappointing. I did not pass my mock exams for two terms. Due to this, teachers voiced concerned to me about whether I should progress to 2nd year. I was not achieving the required standard. After careful consideration, I was given a respite. If I did not complete my A-LEVELS, then an University degree would be completely ruled out. The future would look uncertain for me. When visiting family friends house, I would be so envious seeing their children progressing in life where they want to.

I needed to work very hard in 2nd year. Unfortunately, I was on the brink of not being put forward for summer finial exams. I passed my business studies GCSE exams, but miserably failed my Sport Studies exam,

I walked aimlessly in the local supermarket, realizing the harsh reality that I would face. I was a loner at college. My social skills were very poor at college. I was too sensitive to what other students say. My face sobbed in tears. I did not want my dream of doing a degree fading away. I needed to see light in the tunnel. Thankfully, I was given a 2nd chance to pass Sport Studies exam. I eventually passed and put forward for the exams. I sighed in relief overcoming a huge hurdle.

In my A-LEVEL exams, I was granted half an hour extra time. I completed my A-LEVELS exams in 1998. For four weeks, I went on a holiday to India in the sweltering heat. It took my mind off things. I did not want to think too much about what grades I will achieve for A-LEVELS. I needed to relax.

In my cousin house, I was greeted by a friendly and sweet Spitz dog called Snoopy. I love dogs very much. It is my dream to have a dog one day. Me and Snoopy formed an incredible bond. He woke me up in the morning licking me. I stroked the dog, who was so affectionate.

Me and my dad embarked on a long journey to his home town. I dreaded the long journey. The train station was so overwhelming to me. So many people were in the station. So were sitting down on the dirty pavements. I kept bumping into people receiving a few stares. I am not used to the atmosphere. Next day, we reached our destination. We were greeted by our cousins and had a great time. It helped me to divert my attention from A-LEVEL results.

The day finally arrived in late August for A-LEVEL results. It was a very cloudy day. I phoned the college after I returned home from my journey from India. I was feeling very nervous. My hands were shaking. I was told that I passed my A-LEVEL results. I was feeling jubilant. Now I could fulfill my dream of doing a degree that I never imagined I could do. Great time to look forward to. We overcame the big hurdles yet again.

University and job life

There was no struggled during my University days at all. I passed all my modules. I passed my degree achieving a 2nd class in Marketing. I decided to enroll on a Master degree in Marketing. I passed it without any problems.

Everything was starting to look bright for me. I felt opportunities in my local area were limited. It was very gloomy job situation in the North East region. I took a huge gamble in life, deciding that going to London would be a great option. I was under the impression there would be great opportunities for me at London. I followed my heart and did the move to London.

London is a vibrant city offering plenty of things to do and see. I enjoyed the lifestyle at the city like visiting the shops at Oxford Street, eating out, taking walks at a park and visiting iconic places like Big Ben, River Thames, Westminister Bridge. Big Wheel and Trafalgar Square. Even I made a few friends.

Everything felt great for me. Things were about to shift a new direction. My outlook of life changed. In the Docklands, London, property market seemed to be growing. Many major businesses had their offices at Canary Wharf. The building are so towering. I was given a temporary role at government department. The building comprises sixteen floors. I worked on the twelfth floor. The office was very characterless. I worked as a postal staff. The role involved posting envelopes and parcels to director, managers and staff.

Whilst doing the job, I realized this was not the job for me. Given my qualifications, I should be doing a different job like working in administration. Ideally, I wanted to do marketing, but due to the competitive nature I could not get in. At least an administration job would give me a stepping stone to a marketing job. I looked around and saw young people and older people doing administration jobs.

Managers and staff never greeted me at all. I felt that I did not exist. Every day I returned home, I was in a bad mood and slept for few hours in afternoon. I was suffering from high anxiety levels. Some afternoons, I walked at Central London to get fresh air. I enjoyed it as it helped to temporarily brush off the problems I was facing. I was on my own in a big city, whilst I saw a big circle of groups near trendy bars and coffee shops. The high life is not for me.

Days never got better in the workplace. In a restaurant upstairs, I met a person that I talked to regularly. I thought he would give me company at the table. The restaurant was quite busy. Everybody was sitting in groups on the table to have their meal. I was the only one on my own in the table. He looked at me and walked passed me to sit with the group who had a spare place. I kept looking down in the ground.

I had enough of the job one and decided to leave one day, walking out. The workplace was horrendous and unbearable for me. Had no regrets doing it.

Despite London life starting on a positive note, I realized it would not be financially sustainable to live in the city. The cost of living is very high. My dyspraxia made me struggle even more to cope. So I decided to return living with my parents at North East of England It was a big blow London life did not work for me at all.

I managed to do a few temporary jobs,but it did not last long. To my relief, I found a permanent job working as an administrator for a reputable law firm. Unfortunately, it was a complete disaster for me. I declared my dyspraxia to the Human Resource department. They arranged a meeting with me to discuss my specific needs. The line manager put a lot of pressure on me to achieve targets. I was very slow in processing information and doing task. She kept me on the same for a long period and University students and school leavers were given the tasks I wanted to do. She said "I am too busy to give you attention.

I complained to the Human Resources department about this. To my shock, they supported the line manager. The Human Resources manager questioned why I was disrespectful to her. I could not believe it. The line manager gave me tasks I did not want to do, like looking for files in the cabinet. My skin was becoming itchy . Some staff complained of my bad body odor.

Things about to become worse for me. 2008 experienced the worst recession in the UK. Due to this, many law firms specializing in the housing market reduced their workload in departments. I was told by my Human Resources Manager that I would be working in the postal department. I hated the role. I could believe it that I had to work in role like that similar to London. My face was feeling very miserable. Due to this, I became a little destructive. I splashed money on cups of coffee, CDS and books. My dad looked at bank account and was very furious seeing how much I spent. He gave a me a grilling about this. I did not have the energy to argue.

I controlled my spending, realizing that this would escalate my problems. The two directors announced the news there will be redundancies . It was a blessing in disguise for me. I would be out of this role. The day I left the job I felt very happy.

Unfortunately, I did many temporary jobs at various places. None of the jobs worked out for me. I declared my dyspraxia, but it went to no avail. None of the employers made no special allowance for me at all. Some of them told me to leave and they were so ruthless. My experiences highlight there is lack of awareness and recognition about the conditon. There is much prejudice challenging the condition.

Happy ending

I am in my forties. In my mid thirties, I made the decision that I not work at nine to five jobs anymore. I cannot take the hassle and ignorance of the workplaces anymore. Being my own boss is much better. I am enjoying life a lot better

Now I work in the charity sector, starting my own dyspraxia support group for both adults and children. Please go to www.dyspraxiasupport.org .I want to inspire and make a difference to dyspraxic individuals. More work needs to be done to raise awareness and understanding about the condition.

I am grateful in my life that I have supportive parents and a very loving wife who I married in 2018. I declared my dyspraxia to her. She researched on the Internet about it .

student
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About the Creator

Pritthijit Datta

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