Syllabus for My Professor

If anyone has been to high school or college, chances are, you know what a Syllabus is. For those who don't know, a syllabus is this bible of expectations that each instructor gives to their students as guidelines for being allowed to take their course. Well, as the student who just paid $500+ for this "opportunity," I have a few guidelines, too. After all, I spend my time, gasoline, brain capacity and money each time I come to class, why is it so wrong to have expectations of my own?

This is my syllabus for my professor:

Rule #1

Before the first day of class, you will go to the bookstore and buy any textbook that is $100+. By the way, it comes with an access code and supplemental materials, so don't even dream of saving a few bucks by buying it secondhand. Are we ever going to use these materials? Nah, but it's good for you to have anyways. In fact, once you've finalized the purchase and returned home, immediately throw away the textbook because you'll absolutely never use it—everything is online these days.

Rule #2

I expect all papers, tests and homework assignments to be graded in a timely manner to allow optimal studying time. Below you will find a schedule of due dates (provided by you) alongside the due dates provided by me. On or before your due date, I understand you expect all assignments, tests & quizzes to be completed and submitted. I will oblige. Likewise, on or before my due dates, I expect to have my assignments returned and graded to allow me plenty of time to review. If a grading extension is needed, please see me before the due date with a signed doctor’s note. Late grades will not be accepted, and a 100 percent will be granted for each late-graded assignment.

Rule #3

Class begins promptly at the scheduled time. In the interest of not wasting the professor's time or unnecessary repetition, I have arranged my schedule to accommodate this class's beginning and ending times. For that, I expect the same respect to be had for our time as students. For each minute you are late, each student who arrived on time will receive one point added to their final grade. Should this exceed more than 15 minutes on any given day, the class will be cancelled, and appropriate reimbursement for time and travel should be provided to each student during the next class session.

Rule #4

Plagiarism will not be tolerated. Of course, as a measure of what we have and have not learned, you are expected to grade us according to certain standards. I do not expect you to stray from recycling quizzes or previous year’s discussions. In fact, this behavior is encouraged as it ensures the students of each year are receiving the same level of education as the year prior. However, it is deeply disappointing to research information about a subject or question online, only to find the very familiar wording on the published website of a well-known professor or university, not your own. For this reason, and this reason only, I will be forced to input all questions from homework, tests and quizzes into a worldwide database containing published work of other well-known professors, authors and universities to determine whether the work is authentic. In the case your work is plagiarized from another professor or university’s published work, a 100 percent will be granted for the assignment for each student.

Please keep this syllabus as you may find it useful to reference throughout the semester.

I look forward to taking your class.