Resist "Self-Objectification" : Two Ways to exude Love for Yourself

In this lecture, we will talk about how to improve the problem of self-objectification and experience more positive and stable feelings in life through self-care.

Self-objectification is a way of thinking about ourselves as tools and commodities. It means that we plan ourselves, arrange ourselves, evaluate ourselves, and ultimately sell ourselves the way we treat objects. It the appearance of having nothing to do with our age, culture, but it brings negative effect only by the individual to take, including neglect yourself as the characteristics and needs of the people brought about by the physical and psychological problems, and self-worth instability of anxiety and depression, and the pursuit of the path of your personal happiness out of focus and confusion, and so on.

In general, self-objectification is an effective thinking mechanism that can be adopted to accomplish social work in certain situations, but if it is generally applied to oneself, it will lead to endless problems.

To reduce self-objectification in our daily lives, start by thinking of ourselves as people. Here, we don't give the definition of "what is" a clear, but we all know, at least as long as it is, will have their own demand, their feelings, their own frail, will encounter all sorts of can not solve the dilemma, there are all kinds of difficult to untangle the struggle, and all kinds of ideal and not perfect.

Not trying to will yourself into a tool framework, mechanically to the will of all do not conform to the part stripped, but can see themselves as all aspects of the people, rational calm to treat them, accept them, and put them as a part of the people's life, is to reduce materialized the main direction of the self.

But in the beginning, you don't need to set such ambitious goals. You don't even need to think about self-acceptance. All you need to do is try to cultivate some kindness to yourself. Yes, kindness alone is enough. It can even be said that if you cultivate enough kindness, you can find your way out of self-objectification and into self-care eventually, even without the guidance of others. Kindness has such a powerful power in self-care and improving our life experience.

How, you must ask, can I consciously promote kindness to myself? First, we need to find a sense of kindness. Kindness is an easy thing to say, but not so easy, because most of us grew up not specifically learning how to recognize it or cultivate it. Our culture is used to believe that "human nature is inherently good", but as a result, we often despise the value and difficulty of goodwill, lack of understanding and attention to goodwill, and when people intend to raise goodwill, they may be at a loss, or even go in the opposite direction.

What does true kindness feel like? Here, I can offer two simple methods for you to try. In the first way, if you like small animals or children, you can use them as objects to experience kindness, because most people naturally feel kindness when they see weak, helpless and cute objects. The important thing here is that it can't be your animal or your little friend, because if it's your own family, it will often contain more emotions and emotions, both positive and negative, which can complicate your experience of kindness.

You can pick a kid on the street, or a little animal in your neighborhood, and think about him, or actually visit him, and notice how you feel when you look at him. For example, you may feel a warmth in your heart or your whole body relaxes. You may also feel calm or notice that the corners of your mouth are turning up slightly. A feeling like this is a feeling of kindness, even if you haven't done anything to help the other person, and even if the other person doesn't necessarily need your help, that's what you're feeling right now.

It is important to note that goodwill should be a state of relatively soft nature, if you see a small animal is flashing eyes, or see a kid I wanted to go up and playing with him, that it's hard to say whether goodwill, you may just euphoria, while a person feel cool and his heart wishes are two completely different things.

I suppose in life, you must have been forced to accept what others call "kindness"? Looking at the other person's self-satisfied smile may even "replace" your high, but you feel depressed and helpless - this is the classic result of confusing "self pleasure" with "kindness".

It is impossible to say whether there is any good in such self-gratification, but the good in it, I am afraid, can be negligible. And when we care for ourselves, we must not be so self-satisfied. What we need is from the heart, calm and gentle kindness.

But what if you say, "I can't help but feel good when I see animals or children," or that you don't like animals or children at all? Whether a person likes animals or not is a matter of personal preference and has nothing to do with whether he is loving or able to show kindness. There are also some people, because of the rough childhood experience, they see children and animals, not happy and relaxed, but depressed. For example, when they see a small animal living happily, they think of how miserable their childhood was, and even feel angry and want to hit others, which is not appropriate in the first way.

So there's a second way to find a sense of kindness. However, this method is not as simple as the first one. It needs a bit of chance, that is, you need to pay attention to the kindness of others in your life, especially the kindness of strangers, which we emphasize here. This person should not be an acquaintance of yours. This is the same principle as the first method, that too close a relationship can complicate the experience, so it is better to be a stranger. What you need to do is always be aware of the kindness of those around you, and this kindness should be directed at you.

For example, in the subway, you squeeze in, someone gives you a standing position, they may not even look at you, but it is to give you a place; Or you are walking in the street, walking something dropped, they did not notice, next to someone hurried to call you, the thing back to you; It may even be when you go to dinner or see a doctor and the waiter or nurse smiles at you -- a ceremonial smile and a genuine one, I'm sure most people can tell the difference.

These are the kind experiences in your life, try to notice them, think about them, see what kind of experience you have. You may feel happy, you may feel grateful, and in the end, you will feel something similar to the first method, which is a warm and peaceful feeling, which is also a kind psychological state. So, kindness actually does pass from person to person, and this is a simple example of that.

So whatever approach you take, what can you do when you experience feelings of kindness? First of all, please silently in your heart to make you feel the object of kindness to thank, after all, such as gentle, light such a kind of experience, is already a good psychological experience. Thank them from the bottom of your heart for helping you experience it. You can send a message or two in your heart, such as "May you be healthy," "may you be happy," or whatever wishes you value or suspect your partner will need. Don't care about these wishes sent out to the other party will not receive, have no use, this is a kind of etiquette, the other party to help you feel the goodwill, you bless the response, always can be.

Once you've thanked the other person, you can apply that kindness to self-care. Simply put, just as you have blessed the other person with kindness, you can try to do the same for yourself. For example, wish yourself good health and happiness, and see how you feel? Again, the point isn't whether you're healthy and happy, which is a little self-centered, right? The point is, you have the ability to bless others with kindness, and you have the ability to bless yourself, from the inside, as a person, as a life worthy of kindness, to be kind.

Human beings are creatures who like kindness and feel relieved to be treated well. This is our human nature; If we are not treated well, we feel needy, tired, valueless and resentful. We have no control over how society and others treat us. Maybe some people and organizations really treat us as mere tools and objects. They have their reasons and reasons, which we can't comment on. But at least by experiencing kindness, and by blessing ourselves in a kind way, we can be kind to ourselves first and let ourselves live as individuals.

All you need to do is take a moment every day, even just in your spare time, to think about a small animal, a small child, a moment or two of casual kindness that you've had along the way, and then raise that kindness by thanking the other person and sending a blessing to yourself. Doing this exercise for a few minutes a day is good enough, but if you can do it for longer, even better.

At first, you may feel that this kind of exercise is a little deliberate, it's okay, you just need to keep doing it. Slowly, you'll see what it does to you. A person as an object and a person as a life are two very different states of being, and this exercise will help you regain that sense of life bit by bit.

Of course, there are some friends who have great difficulty with this exercise, especially for people who are so self-aggressive and self-deprecating that it is almost an impossible task to bless themselves. Because there is usually some sort of deep debasement in them that they don't deserve to be treated at all, or at least not yet -- they don't deserve to be treated until they have achieved a certain achievement, reached a certain position, earned enough money, heard the affirmation of someone or everyone. These statements may seem absurd when thought of rationally, but to someone with low self-esteem, they seem like a kind of self-evident truth. These people also almost inevitably suffer from self-torture in some form, and difficulties with self-care often further hinder their paths to self-growth and healing.