Recess, Snacks, and Bathroom Breaks Are Not “Privileges” to Take Away From Autistic Kids Until They Perform to Your Liking

Saying “ABA is torture” is just too broad. It gives too many people an opportunity to say, “Not the ABA that MY child is in!” because there are so many different ways to practice the same method.

However, I’ve been noticing autistic people and our supporters talking about just one of the factors that make it tortuous: Withholding basic human needs as a way of “motivating” (read: controlling) autistic children to “behave” (read: perform) in accordance with neurotypical standards.

This means, while your child is at school, they could be being denied recess and break times, food, and bathroom breaks, which are basic human rights and needs until they do whatever it is their teacher has asked of them.

This is torture. (Trigger Warning - I have included some real-life examples of this type of torture from a paraprofessional who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Recess/Breaks

Recess is not a privilege, it’s a need. Everybody, regardless of age, needs a break now and again from learning or working. None of us are automatons that can just work until we drop or until we get a task finished (although some of us autistics will do exactly that when we’re in hyper-focus, but nobody is forcing that on us).

Imagine if you were at the office, and your boss had just dumped a pile of work on your desk and said you couldn’t rest, eat, or use the bathroom until it was finished. That would be considered “hostile working conditions”, and it would be illegal, but it’s perfectly fine to do to children?? I don’t think so.

Rest and play are important and necessary for everyone, regardless of neurotype, and withholding this essential to sanity is cruel and wrong.

I’ve heard of cases where autistic children are left in the classroom with the teacher while their peers go out to play because they haven’t finished a certain task or aren’t doing exactly what they’re told.

First of all, being autistic in a neurotypical world is already traumatizing. The world is already too loud, too bright, too sticky, too scratchy, and too confusing for us as it is, so our stress levels are already high on a daily basis.

Compound this with teachers who have absolutely no understanding of how the autistic mind works and are refusing necessary rest and break times to a child who was already struggling before he walked into the classroom is doubly cruel because now he’s confused, unfocused, and exhausted, and his teachers still won’t let him take a break until he does whatever it is they’re telling him to do, even if he doesn’t understand how to do it, or he doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth at that moment.

Children who are stressed and confused are not “motivated” by this method to do whatever is being asked of them, they just want to escape, so they can recharge and try again later, but they are being denied that ability, and it’s making things 10 times worse.

Henry's Story

"Henry* is a 10-year-old autistic child with extreme anxiety. His behavior plan explicitly states that after 10 minutes of work, Henry is allowed a 15-minute break. Even if he is unable to complete a full 10 minutes of work, he is still allowed to have his break, according to his behavior plan, because he tried. However, the teacher in charge decided to go against this plan by coming up with her own: If he perseverates on his anxiety and seeks reassurance instead of focusing on his work, he doesn't get ANY breaks for the day."

- Anonymous Paraprofessional

Snacks/Lunch

This one really makes me livid. Food is a human right. Read that again: Food is a human right. It is not a “treat”, it is not a “motivator”, it is nutrition that the human body needs to survive and thrive.

Denying a child a snack or lunch because she hasn’t performed to some expected standard that makes no sense to her, or she’s had a meltdown, or she’s flatly refusing to do something isn’t education, it’s torture. I shouldn’t even have to explain that. I don’t care what a child does or doesn’t do or what neurotype they are, you do not use food as a reward or punishment, and you do not withhold it to get compliance because you don’t know how to communicate effectively with us.

Tony's Story

Tony* is a 10-year-old autistic child with poor proprioception (like many of us). He accidentally knocked over a beaker in science class, and the teacher yelled at him and told him he had to come back on his lunch break to help her clean out all the other beakers, so he wasn’t able to eat lunch that day.

- Anonymous Paraprofessional

Bathroom Breaks

I’m just seething over this one. Not only are they being denied to autistic children who won’t “comply”, bathroom breaks are kind of a personal trigger for me. As a kid (and even now as an adult), I had to pee all the time. There’s no physical reason for it, I’ve been tested for diabetes more times than I can count--I don’t have it, but I’ve always had to go to the bathroom far more frequently than my peers.

Even as an adult, I had an instance in the workplace where my boss literally listened outside the bathroom door to decide if I was actually peeing or “doing something else” in the bathroom. It was mortifying.

Educators have denied bathroom breaks to autistic and neurotypical children as a way of maintaining control over them and obtaining compliance from them. It’s sick. Granted, this seems to happen a lot more to autistic children, but it shouldn’t happen to anyone.

Again, bathroom breaks are a human need and right. Taking them away or delaying them not only causes physical and psychological pain, it also can cause the child to have an accident, which only further embarrasses them in front of their peers, who are likely already picking on them.

Furthermore, it can cause autistic children to ignore their natural urges to void, which can lead to bladder infections and fecal impaction.

Trevor's Story

Trevor*, 14-year-old non-verbal (mostly) autistic child. He stimmed in class when he wasn’t supposed to (according to his behavior plan), and when he asked to go to the bathroom, his teacher said he couldn’t go because his stimming had 'disrupted the class'.

- Anonymous Paraprofessional

*Names have been changed.

Controlling and Manipulating Children into Compliance is Abuse

If your child’s teacher is taking away recess, breaks, food, and bathroom breaks for any reason, they are abusing your child. Period, end of sentence.

If you do it yourself, at home, you are abusing your child. Period, end of sentence.

You may not see it that way, and you may have been told by your ABA therapist that taking away these basic needs is something you need to do in order for your child to act more like a neurotypical person, but you’ve been brainwashed.

That kind of denial of basic human needs isn’t teaching, it’s torture.

If you do get any compliance out of your child/student because you’ve delayed or taken away rest, food, and bathroom breaks, you have not “won” or “achieved success”. You have only succeeded in permanently psychologically damaging your child/student by showing them that their needs don’t matter, that they must kill who they truly are inside in order to “act neurotypical”, and that other human beings are not to be trusted.

How to Better Understand Your Autistic Child

When a child is first diagnosed autistic, many medical professionals still don’t really know what that means. They’re reading from a script, rattling off a set list of traits, and frightening parents with worst-case scenarios and outdated statistics.

Out of this fear that’s been instilled in them, parents become desperate to do anything to help their child, and they can actually get suckered into torturing them “for their own good”. They may even go against their natural instincts as a parent because authority figures have told them that they must enroll their child in ABA, or he or she will never be able to function in life.

Society hierarchy is a difficult concept for us autistics. We cannot wrap our brains around how easily some neurotypical people can be brainwashed into dangerous groupthink.

I really don’t mean that offensively. I mean, neurotypical people can’t wrap their brains around a lot of what we do, but the tendency amongst neurotypicals to follow authority figures to the exclusion of instinct and common sense can be very, very dangerous for autistic people.

That’s why I believe it’s imperative that any teacher working with an autistic student and any parent (even a foster parent) of an autistic child must consume content made by autistic creators.

Or, more effective yet, work with an autistic consultant for personalized, one-to-one support.