my high school experience

setting the scene

As an elementary schooler I found myself researching what middle school would look like through YouTube. Middle schoolers appeared to me like crawly monsters out of a children's story book. I could barely imagine the world that was soon to come. Next thing I knew I was in 8th grade, eagerly waiting for Spring Break. "I'm going on vacation to the Bahamas," one student said. Others talked about relaxing their days at home. We were all eagerly excited, though nobody could imagine the events that would come next.

As a middle schooler I found myself looking at the news through my iPad that my school provided. There was a certain talk about this 'COVID-19'. "COVID-19? That's a funny name," I thought to myself. We never returned from that Spring Break. Rather only once did I return only to grab my 8th grade graduation diploma. It felt as fast and unremarkable as passing through a McDonald's drive-thru. There was no music or celebration, just teachers social distancing and cars passing by to receive their diplomas and rushing away.

As a high schooler I found myself not caring about anything the very first year. Who could find their will to care during lockdown? Being glued to a screen, meant to decode information and answer questions like a computer. I lacked the notion of what SATs were, even more so the notion of Dual Enrollment and AP classes. I had no one to educate me on such things; my worldview was short.

how my school works

Until 10th grade, the year that I abandoned online education - somewhat. I entered a Lutheran school, called Peace Lutheran School, the school is barely bigger than your average supermarket. The smallest school I've ever been to in fact, to the point that I was the only highschooler my age throughout all the years I attended.

Things were monotone as the principal was more of a supervisor rather than a teacher and the only attending class was one with my pastor. I would sit down in a classroom with about five other students with my headphones, glued to my computer. The first three years attending that school I was completely isolated from the other students. There was nothing I could relate with them about; the boys liked games and sports while the girls would only talk about superficial things. There was one girl in particular that would spend her days on her phone, conversing about unnecessary superficial things. Most days would be spent discussing who is more conventionally attractive than the other.

As a person that pays close attention to my surroundings, the smallest of things I noticed many things about my classmates while they knew nothing about me. Other than having nothing to relate to them, they lack future ambition. Which is expected as I have always been older than all of the students in my school. This different mindset has completely affected me and my social life as a whole.

This last year, my 12th grade was a complete turn around from the other years. A new, ambitious principal had created a drastic turn around for a new era. My weeks at school were no more strictly sitting at a desk facing a computer for the whole school day. Now on Tuesdays and Thursdays I would take a P.E. class with him. He would also teach my art class on Wednesdays. These small things have improved not just my mental health, but my physical health as well. There was a liberation from the heavy pounds placed on my shoulders. I felt as if I was finally a part of a community again.

motivation

During my last high school semester I completed my courses by February. Those were 18 weeks of work completed around more than half of the time. My main motivation during this time was a thought I would repeat often: if you don't do it now, you'll have to do it later. That was enough of a motivating force for my work to be completed.

Taking courses online had plenty of advantages, however knowing I have work to do manifests an obsession in me. If I have something to do, I have a major insistence on completing it as soon as possible. Knowing I had to complete my courses and complete at least 25 hours of volunteer work was a big enough stressor. Thankfully after completing all of my courses as short as February I have over 50 hours of volunteering, eager for this school year to end.

reflection over the end

Never in my years had I thought that I would reach the year 2020 just like at this moment I find 2030 so far away though it is simply six years. In my last year of high school I have been reflecting often, particularly the topics of death. Studying anatomy, the structures of the human body has taught me how fragile I truly am.

This eminent obsession with leaving school has left me feeling quite empty. The future feels like a leap in darkness and the past feels like I have wasted all my years in isolation.