I Dropped Out This Semester!

Walking away from a dream can be difficult, despite good intentions. It's important to recognize when it's not worth fighting and step back. Have you ever noticed that when you kill one month, six or seven more appear? Have you ever observed how toxic people tend to come together like a pack of wolves?

My goal for the summer session was to expedite reaching my sophomore year. Unfortunately, even though I enjoyed my classes, I excelled in them. The occurrence of a great opportunity often coincides with something equally unfortunate. Similar to the concept of yin and yang, good and bad, or light and dark. At Marshall University, my final battle was with Financial Aid, who made promises about scholarships. I had no clue about the situation I was getting involved in.

I learned from this never to enroll in summer sessions again, no matter if its good intentions. Maybe the experiences were awful.

My aunt decided she didn't want to help me in my need. Everyone says hey it's easy to be me that I make things so easy when things get rough. Nothing is ever easy when it feels like everything is falling apart. In times of darkness, when life gets hard, our true colors show.

This is the same when I had to make sure when my aunt spoke to me the way she did. When someone compromised family loyalty, I checked and obtained a referral. Everyone in my “family” except me dropped everything and helped them. Yet, they don’t help me in my hour of need. So, why should I help them?

That is why I can’t trust anyone until they give me a reason to trust them. I mean heck, I couldn’t trust anyone at least a little until I could poop. I used to wait until I gained some trust before feeling at ease to use the restroom. I was a little scared to trust anyone, honestly. It’s just taken me a long time. I don’t mean to be jumpy. It’s hard for me to just simply trust until I feel instinct. I can trust you? If I have any discomfort, it will take me some time to trust, in my opinion.

For example, my instincts about this place have been totally wrong. I can’t believe myself honestly. People have treated me terribly all my life, and I am still being treated poorly. It wasn’t until I married my husband that I knew my whole world changed in a good way. Lately, as I reflect on those times, I feel like I am sorting through memories and attempting to discern the distinction between the positive ones and the ones that were ingrained through manipulation. Returning here has been a wonderful experience. I didn’t regret dropping out of Marshall University so far. It's given me a huge perspective. I didn’t want to believe that. In my hour of need, I asked my aunt for assistance again. This didn’t end very well, as she teamed up with Ellen to tell me no we can’t help you.

Another example is learning the truth about how hard it was. Honestly, I couldn’t believe the truth. It hurt so much. It was even more painful to discover that family doesn't always hold significance. I love that idea, because when moving to the south, it’s like entering a new world.

As for my Curry Legacy, fuck that, I know where I came from. Good thing is I’m loving it. Sometimes I tend to freak out.

Although it's never easy, sometimes these hard lessons are what help us grow individually.

All those times someone told me, things aren't what they seem to be helping me understand better on how not to act.

Because my aunt didn't help me like she said she would, I am now homeless again. Though I may be working hard to get out of the situation on my own.