How to Make a Man Fall in Love With You: I Thought I Needed More Attention

I stood in the cereal aisle longer than I needed to because someone had once asked what I liked for breakfast. I don't remember exactly when that was. I remember the way he said it, like it mattered. Like my answer would change something. I walked past the granola and the oatmeal and none of it mattered. I was just standing there remembering. This is not a story about a specific man. This is a story about the part of me that learned to measure days in responses. I typed out a message and changed the word "sure" to "okay" and then back to "sure" again. I sat on my bed with the phone in both hands. The cursor blinked. I deleted the exclamation point. Added it back. Took it off. Sent it plain. Then stared at the screen to see which version of me he would answer. I wondered if "sure" sounded too cold. If "okay" sounded too eager. I couldn't tell the difference anymore. I smiled at my phone in the coffee shop line. The barista probably thought I was looking at a dog video. I was checking if someone had viewed my story. The little eye icon felt like proof. I kept the smile small so nobody would ask. I found an article online once. The title said something about how do i make him want me. I was asking the wrong question. I saved it. I went back to it three times that week. Not because it helped. Because the words stayed longer than I expected. I kept reopening the tab like checking a door I already knew was locked. Someone asked me recently what I wanted for dinner and I said "whatever you want" because I had spent the last twenty minutes watching his face to see if he was in a good mood. I forgot what I was hungry for. I forgot I had an opinion. I just wanted the evening to stay soft. I sat beside him on the couch and felt the space between our thighs like a language I couldn't read. The movie was loud. Explosions. I don't remember the plot. I was mentally elsewhere, counting the minutes since he had looked my direction. I kept my body still so I wouldn't seem restless. Wondering if leaning closer would feel like pressure. I remember a compliment from before. He said my voice sounded different when I talked about things I loved. I carried that sentence around like a receipt I kept checking. I wondered if he still thought that. If anyone did. I got embarrassed in the shower once because I realized how long I had spent analyzing a two-word text. "Sounds good." I had read it twelve times. I felt my face get hot under the water. I was embarrassed for caring that much about something that small. I stood there with shampoo in my hair realizing I had wasted ten minutes of my life on two words that probably took him two seconds to send. I searched how to make a man fall in love with you one night when I couldn't sleep. Not because I wanted romance. I wanted certainty. I wanted to know there was a formula so I could stop guessing. So I could stop waking up and checking my phone before I checked how I felt. I asked myself why do i want him to choose me and the answer felt too small to say out loud. Because if he chose me, I would know I was worth choosing. Because if he stayed curious, I wouldn't have to be curious about myself. I noticed when he remembered something small I said. A comment about not liking cilantro. A story about my old job. Those moments felt like signs a man is emotionally invested. I collected them. I stored them in a mental folder I opened when doubt got loud. I heard him say my name once in a text and I read it over and over. It sounded warm. I kept the notification on my lock screen longer than I should have. I didn't want to clear it because clearing it felt like losing the moment. I walked past a couple holding hands in the parking lot and wondered what stays after years. Not the big things. The small ones. Remembering how someone takes their coffee. Asking unexpected questions. Noticing when something's off. Staying curious. I watched them walk toward their car and I couldn't stop looking. I wanted to know what they knew that I didn't. I felt chosen in tiny moments. When he used my name in a text. When he noticed I changed my hair. When he asked about my sister after I mentioned her once. Those moments felt like how do you know a man loves you. I didn't trust them. I needed more. I noticed when his mood shifted before he said anything. I could feel it in the space between texts. In the way he set his coffee down. I started adjusting my own temperature to match his without realizing I was doing it. I kept a message thread open on my phone for days. I reread it longer than necessary. I wasn't looking for information. I was looking for warmth. I was looking for evidence that I hadn't imagined the closeness. I sat across from a friend at lunch and realized I had no idea what she was talking about. I nodded at the right times. I had been mentally drafting a text in my head, trying to sound casual. Forgetting what she wanted because I was watching someone else's mood from miles away. What makes someone stay interested. I thought about that in the car, at stoplights. I thought if I could just be interesting enough, present enough, memorable enough, the interest wouldn't fade. I didn't notice I was performing a version of myself I wasn't sure I liked. I felt the fear of becoming ordinary. I felt it in my chest when he didn't laugh at my joke. When he looked at his phone while I was talking. I thought if I became ordinary to him, I would disappear. I wanted reassurance in ways I couldn't ask for. I wanted him to say something that made me feel solid. I wanted emotional closeness that didn't require me to ask for it. I wanted to feel chosen without having to perform worthiness. I found something after getting tired of searching versions of the same question. Pages that all said the same things in different fonts. Then I landed on something that gave shape to thoughts I couldn't name. It wasn't advice. It was just words that sat with me. I didn't click it because I wanted a trick. I clicked it because I was tired of not understanding my own searching. I felt attraction changing in small ways. One week the texts came fast. The next week they came slow. I tried to figure out why attention changes. I told myself I was being observant. I was actually being afraid. I opened a video someone had shared and left halfway through. I went back to it again for reasons I couldn't explain.

The title said something about feeling invisible. I watched it while I was overthinking something he hadn't even said yet. I realized compliments stay longer than they should. A man told me once I was easy to talk to. I still bring it up in my head when I feel awkward at parties. I use it like a credential. I changed my outfit three times before meeting someone for coffee. Not because I cared about the clothes. Because I wanted to be the version of me that got remembered. I wanted to be unforgettable. I didn't ask if I felt seen in the outfit I chose. I thought I wanted someone to fall in love with me. I didn't notice how much of my day had started depending on feeling chosen.