How to guide children to use electronic products correctly during the epidemic

During the epidemic, primary and secondary school students are studying at home in the "air classroom" and using a variety of electronic devices every day, which has caused parents a lot of trouble and concern.

When faced with these behaviors of their children, parents inevitably nag and blame their children. This approach often does not work well, but can easily lead to conflict between children and parents, resulting in parent-child relationship tension.

Let's look at a real-life case.

Kolby, a first-year student, has been able to use her tablet, which is usually used only on weekends, every day since she started her home Internet class.

Although his mother repeatedly emphasized that the tablet should only be used for studying, Kolby couldn't help but brush his friends' circle, play pass games, and use the tablet to do his favorite things after homework was done, such as drawing.

One day, his mother found out that the average daily usage time of the screen was 5 hours and 24 minutes, and she got angry and yelled at Kolby, "Look at yourself, how long have you been using it every day, do you want to wear glasses?"

Kolby took a look at it and tried to argue a few words, "I didn't use it for such a long time today, that was a long time the other day, and you also use it to watch drama every night ......"

Mom got even angrier: "I watch the drama for less than an hour a day, don't argue, no tablet from tomorrow!"

Kolby said defiantly, "Then what if I have to take the teacher's notes and upload my homework?"

Mom said angrily, "You figure it out yourself, who told you to use it for so long!"

After hearing her mother's words, Kolby was also upset, frowning and pouting.

To solve behavior problems, from a psychological point of view, we must first understand the psychological needs behind the behavior, and the same applies to children using electronic products.

Let's take a look at the main psychological needs of children behind the use of electronic products.

Entertainment and relaxation to relieve the pressure of learning, to relieve loneliness to meet social needs, to find information to satisfy curiosity, to gain a sense of autonomy and a sense of achievement

The use of electronic products can meet so many normal psychological needs of children, children will naturally not leave them. So if this is the case, do we parents just let it go?

Of course not.

Excessive use of electronic products is not good for children's physical and mental health, and children's self-control and self-management skills are still developing, so we need to guide them properly so that they can do reasonable use.

So we need to think about how to guide children to use electronic products correctly.

How to guide children to use electronic products correctly

For adolescent children, if you use negative, accusatory, or even threatening means to force education is often ineffective, or treats the symptoms but not the root cause. Can we work with our children to find a way to communicate and solve problems that we are both happy with?

The answer is consistent communication, a "no-lose" method of communication!

A consistent communication approach respects and listens to the child's needs, while not ignoring the parent's own inner needs, and tries to find a mutually satisfying win-win solution together.

It is not a win-win situation for you and me, and it is not a lose-lose situation, which is why it is also known as a "no-lose" communication approach.

This way of communication will make children feel that their parents are not just opposed to coercion, but will listen and understand, and will help them to solve problems together so that children will be more willing to cooperate with their parents.

The Consistent Communication approach is divided into five steps.

Step 1: Identify the problem and look for the psychological needs behind the problem.

It is important to note that when you first start using this method, it is recommended to focus on a small problem, the more specific the better so that it is easy to be effective.

For example, if a child uses a tablet for more than 4 hours a day, what is the psychological need behind this problem?

By listening to the child, the parent can understand that for the child, the reason for using the tablet for four hours is not only to study and chat with the tablet but also to draw, listen to music, play mini-games, etc. The parent's inner need is very simple.

The parents' inner needs are simple: they want their children to use the tablet for a shorter period and not to affect their eyesight, health, and learning.

Once you understand each other's needs, you can move on to step two.

Step 2: Negotiate possible solutions together.

It is important to note that parents can let their children speak first and try to let them come up with their solutions, regardless of whether the solutions proposed by their children are reasonable or not, never rush to judge or deny any of their ideas and solutions, because, this is the third step that needs to be done oh.

The child proposes his or her solution: 2 hours a day (time spent studying does not count), keep the tablet by himself or herself, and shorten the use time the next day if the time is exceeded.

After confirming that the child is finished, the parents then propose their solution: 1.5 hours per day (all time included), segmented use, parental custody of the tablet, and punishment for not using it for a week if it exceeds the time.

Obviously, there is a complete contradiction between the parent's and child's options, so don't worry, this is what needs to be addressed in step 3.

Step 3: Evaluate all options and clarify the bottom line.

This is the time to be sure, to be honest with each other, and to say what you think about the options.

Next, you move on to the most important step, Step 4.

Step 4: Develop the best acceptable option.

Parents and children have to do a consultation and discussion to develop a final acceptable solution.

This can be confirmed by asking questions such as (including but not limited to)

Is this feasible now?

Will this solve your problem?

How do you guarantee that it does?

What if it doesn't?

The negotiated solution

Once established, it is best to keep the agreement in writing and signed by both parties to make it more formal and ritualistic, which also fosters the "spirit of contract" and builds mutual trust between parents and children.

Step 5: Implement the agreement and evaluate the results.

Parents should be reminded to understand and accept the frustrations that may arise during the implementation process, i.e., the child may break the rules.

At this point, parents should remember not to just blindly criticize with blame, but to intervene appropriately and positively, for example, by giving friendly reminders in advance.

Positive intervention

Behaviorally appropriate assistance, for example, found overtime parents have the right to take back the tablet; in case of special circumstances need to extend the use of time, the child can apply with parents, etc. The most important thing is to reflect with the child on what is the difficulty of not being able to do it. Help your child gradually develop self-management skills.

It takes time to change, and parents need a little patience to wait for their children's progress and growth, don't they?

Parents are constantly trying to figure out how to guide their children to use electronic products correctly in practice.

Always believe that children have the will to manage themselves and help them gradually develop self-management skills.