High School Diaries: Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Anya

My eyes darted all over the lunch room, unsure of where to go. It seemed like everyone already had a place with their respective groups and high school was sort of like a jungle. I felt like I was going to pee my pants. I didn’t even really want to talk to anyone, to be honest. But sitting alone made me a prime target for bullying and I needed to be with someone at the very least. Just as I was thinking that to myself, I saw someone who was completely alone and someone who had an aura of “stay the fuck away from me or I’ll hurt you.” Perfect.

I made my way across the room to the lunch table for one. The worst thing that could happen is she says no and I get rejected or maybe punched in the face… Oh god, what if that actually happens. But it was too late, I was already over there and she looked up. She was intimidatingly pretty, but in a tough sort of way. She had long, dark purple hair, pastel pink glasses and brown eyes. I couldn’t tell how tall she was, because she was sitting down, but she looked like she was probably taller than I was. I couldn’t really tell what her deal was, but I could tell if I sat with her, people would probably leave me alone. Time to pull the trigger.

“Hey, is it alright if I sit here with you? I’m new here and I don’t really know anyone and you seem nice enough,” I asked politely, fidgeting.

“There’s a few things you should know about me first… I’m a total loser in the eye of most people, I imagine, not really like most of the other girls. I’m not very pretty, I’m not very popular… I’m more brains than looks. I’m not like some pretty, blonde, popular, cute, clean girls. I’m just like you’re normal (pfft, whatever that means), kind of, gamer girl. I like totally nerdy stuff, like minecraft, fortnight and being totally poggers! I don’t like things like the color pink, horses, boy bands, douchy fuck boys… I like the things that matter, like games and the time cube. I also like watching the latest season of anime and the latest shows on Hulu™ and Netflix™, but not like those basic bitch, normal shows that all the cool kids watch. I like art shows like Black Mirror and The Walking Dead and other good ones,” the girl rambled on like an idiot, I think I may have made a mistake. I already kind of hate her guts.

“Um… is that a yes?” I asked, better to commit, if I just walked away, that would be pretty rude. But the vibes she gave me suddenly turned very rancid.

“I mean, as long as you aren’t gonna leave me in order to become one of the populars,” She said rather frankly, “You aren’t a loser wannabe who worships the ground that the beautiful people walk on right? Like you don’t care about stupid things like vanity or being likeable or hygiene or pride in yourself, right? You’re like me right? Not like those other girly girls, yeah?”

“I don’t know man, I just want somewhere to sit,” I said, “But I guess we could be friends?”

I was lying. I really didn’t want to be her friend. I already found her extremely annoying. I wanted to choke myself just listening to her go on and on like that. What the hell.

“Oh thank god, I don’t have any friends really other than all my internet friends, but I’m really starved for actual human contact… Haha! Just kidding! It’s a funny joke! I’m making jokes!” I felt extremely uncomfortable listening to this girl speak. I laughed nervously.

“Haha, anyway, what’s your name?” I asked her, hoping to pass the time quickly.

“Gertrude. Gertrude Aimer.”

That’s kind of an unfortunate name, “Cool, my name is Anastasia Ivanov! You can call me Anya though. Nice to meet you!”

“Nice to meet you Anya! Do you like Anastasia?”

“What?” Um, yeah, that’s my name? What the hell was this girl talking about.

“You know like the movie?”

“What?” I had no idea what she was on about.

“The animated movie about the lost princess of Russia? You know Anastasia?” she went off on this tangent about Russia and this one girl and all this meaningless stuff. I didn’t really care. But I did remember this movie, I think. It was a disney movie I think? I don’t really know, but yeah, I think I know what she’s talking about.

“Haha, sorry, I don’t really watch a lot of Disney stuff,” I said honestly, if she questioned me on something like that, I don’t think I could carry a conversation.

She then continued to go on even more about this fucking movie that I didn’t watch in a condescending way, I didn’t really pay it much attention, but it made me feel annoyed. I didn’t really care about this stupid movie, but like, go off I guess?

“Um, okay,” I said, “Tha-”

“Yeah, anyway, I really like your shoes. Are those Doc Martens?” She interrupted me before I could finish,” I also really like your wallet, did you get that from Hot Topic?”

Yet again she went off. I tried to drown her out, but then again, I guess I should listen to her. She might say something that would be good to jump off of.

“I really like their band shirts and anime shirts and cartoon shirts and stuff. I really love cartoons and stuff, you know, even though most people including probably you, think that stuff is really lame. I enjoy what I enjoy.”

“Uh, thanks? Yeah, I actually also like anime and cartoons a bit. What kinds of bands do you like though? I’m curious,” I asked, very disingenuous mind you, but might as well humor her, yeah?

“Oh! Really! You wanna know about the bands I like! Okay, they aren’t really like regular bands you know! Not really stuff that most girls listen to. Not any of that top 40 crap.”

Yeah, I saw a response like that coming from a mile away, “I get it! I get it! Now please, tell me what bands you like.”

“Okay, well,” I immediately started to drown her out, but to my surprise, we had something in common “, MCR (That stands for My Chemical Romance btw), Black Veil Brides, I kind of like Billie Eilish a bit, The Weeknd is okay, I like Green Day, Panic! At the Disco, Paramore is fun and I really like Hayley Williams, 5 Seconds of Summer is good, but kinda basic, Blink 182, I kinda like Twenty One Pilots, Poppy, Korn, Fall Out Boy, Steam Powered Giraffe, All Time Low…”

“Oh! Really? I like Korn and MCR!” I got kind of excited, maybe she wasn’t too bad? She was still really annoying, but maybe I could try and be her friend. We do have things in common after all.

“Yeah! They’re really great” She replied nonchalantly.

“Yeah, have you listened to their self titled album, you know, like, they’re debut?” I asked, maybe she and I could have a real conversation. Maybe we could bond over our shared interests in music. I’m really passionate about my music, after all.

“Anyway, what anime have you watched?” Nevermind! I guess we’re not gonna have a real conversation, that kind of sucks.

I’m really trying here. I’m really trying to make this work. But no matter what, she’s making this really hard. She’s making it really fucking hard to like her. What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Immediately, I looked down and noticed her lunch. It was a lunchable. Admittedly, I found it kind of pathetic. But I also know, if I hadn’t already had a negative image of her in my mind, I probably wouldn’t have cared.

“Uh-huh, yeah, cool. Are you gonna eat the slices of ham from your lunchable.”

“Yeah sure, but anyway, as I was saying,” She continued. I started picking at her ham, letting my mind drift somewhere else. How should I deal with her? How am I going to make it so I never have to talk to this girl again? Like seriously, I really don’t think I can be her friend. I’m so close to being a real bitch to her.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I said with a mouth full of processed ham.

“Haha yeah, thanks by the way-” I thought about what I should wear tomorrow. I’ve decided I’m just going to do my best to avoid her. As far as I know, she’s just in my lunch period and it's a big lunch room, it should be pretty easy to make myself scarce. Maybe I’ll fade into one of these other groups. That group over by the hot lunches seems to be pretty unassuming. That should make it fairly easy, yeah?

“Anyway, what’s your name again, sorry, I’m bad with names. Mine’s Gertrude.”

I cannot believe her. I thought for a moment about giving her a fake name or something but decided against that, “It’s Anya.”

“Haha, oh yeah, Anastasia, like the Russian Princess. That’s a really pretty name-”

“Uh-huh,” I said, drowning her out. Whatever.

“Uh, yeah, it's, like, crazy how this is supposed to be the best years of our life. I feel like garbage.”

“Yeah, same,” I said, I did agree with that actually. If this was supposed to be the best years of my life, then I don’t have a lot to look forward to.

“Yeah, like, what’s your next class? And like, actually show me your schedule, let’s see if we have anything together,” she asked. Shit! What the fuck do I say? I don’t want her to know my schedule.

“Oh, yeah sure, here,” Like an idiot, I gave her my schedule.

“It looks like we have the 7th period together! It’s Chemistry with Mr. Houbalt! Science is like my favorite class too!!!” she said excitedly. Fuck, this was going to be a long year, isn’t it.

“Oh, good,” I said sarcastically. Then, with relief, the bell rang.

“Well, I’ll see you in Science, Anya! Can’t wait!”

I nodded and hurried off as fast as I could, not wanting to hear anymore. I made my way to my next class, 5th period, before realizing I’m new and I don’t know where anything is. I looked at the class numbers around. 303, 305, 307… definitely not where I was supposed to be at all. And I didn’t want to ask for help to get around. So I continued wandering around until finally the bell rang and I had no idea where I was.

I noticed, to the right to me, there was the nurse’s office. I decided to go in and ask someone for help. As I was going in, I bumped into someone and completely fell onto the ground. Looking up, it was a very attractive and tall man. I was speechless…

“Woah, hey, are you okay?” the beautiful man replied, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Uh… Yeah, I’m okay…” I hesitated, he was really intimidating. He had to be like 6’2 at least.

“Can you stand up okay?” he spoke kindly, “Here, let me help you up.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, I wobbled a little, but I could stand fine. Even up on my feet, I stared up to him directly, because I was such a short person. He was also so much bigger than me.

“Damn, you’re really cute!” he said, laughing to himself.

“Oh! Thank you! You’re really cute yourself,” I said, “By the way, what’s your name?”

“Oh, my name’s Matthew! You can call me Matt.”

“Hey Matt, my name is Anastasia, Anya for short.”

“Woah, that's a really pretty name, is that like, Russian?”

“Yeah, haha, it is…” I said, this cute boy was really making me nervous.

“So, what are you doing here, trying to skip class your first day?”

“What, no, of course not!”

“So?”

“I couldn’t find my next class and um, I guess I.. I dunno.”

“Oh! What’s your next class?”

“Um, room 506, its um, History..”

“Same here, let me show you where it is, come on!” he grabbed my hand and started heading forward.

“Okay!” I said, feeling heat on my cheeks. Okay, no big deal, this cute boy just started talking to me and is now helping me make my way to my next class. That’s like nothing.

As we made our way around the corner, finally, we reached the class, History with Mr. Barring.

Matt opened the closed door without not much thought, “Yo, Mr. Barring!”

“Matthew… Late as always I see.” the teacher said, not really expressing all that much.

“Haha, you caught me, Mr. Barring!” Matt said, smiling.

“And who is this?” he asked, staring daggers into me.

“I’m Anastasia Ivanov sir!” I introduced myself, “Sorry for being late, I got lost on my way here.”

“You’re new to this district, yes, of course. Since this is your first day, I won’t give you detention, but don’t make this into a habit, okay?” he said, sighing.

I also sighed with relief, thank goodness, it would be pretty lame of me to get a detention my first day of school.

“As for you, Matthew, after school detention,” he looked at Matt.

“Haha, alright, I can do that,” Matt said in response.

I took my seat, a bit red in the face, but okay, I could do this.

“Anyway, as I was saying, in the Syllabus…”

The day went on from there fairly quickly until I hit 7th period and it was time to have a class with Gertrude. I wasn’t looking forward to Science today. Usually it was one of my favorite classes as well, but Gertrude was kind of awful. I really didn’t want to talk to her again. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t gonna be mean or anything, but still, I really didn’t want to associate with her anymore. I’m a nice enough person, but I didn’t have that kind of patience for a person, you know?

I made my way into the classroom before anyone, hoping that was the best way to go unnoticed. I kept my head low, hoping she wouldn’t see me. Shortly after, Gertrude entered and immediately made her way towards me, excited.

“Anya! Hey!” she said, approaching me with a stupid look on her face. Despite how annoyed I was, I had to admit she was kind of beautiful. If she hadn’t irritated the shit out of me, I might even have gotten a crush on her. I was out of the closet to myself, but that didn’t really matter. I wasn’t going to risk telling the wrong person I wasn’t straight. I made that mistake at my last school and I wasn’t going to make it again. I was insistent on keeping a low profile this time around and I was gonna do my best to get through this year drawing as little attention to myself as possible. I probably wasn’t going to join any clubs or anything either. Probably was going to keep most people at arm's length.

“Um, hey…” I responded, I wanted to tell her I was in a bad mood, which wasn’t a lie, by the way. And maybe if I told her that, she would leave me the hell alone. I don’t know.

“Haha, so, how’s the day been?” she asked. Damn, what should I say? I don’t think I can be a bitch.

“Okay, I guess…” I replied. I suppose that was true, I don’t know.

“Haha, yeah, same here,” she said, grinning like an idiot.

As she said that, the teacher walked in. He was tall and very handsome. I was happy to be saved from having to talk to this idiot.

“Alright class, my name is Mr. Houbalt!” the handsome teacher said, he began to laugh madly. Of course, her favorite teacher would be the chaotic science teacher.

“This… IS CHEMISTRY!!!” Mr. Houbalt yelled like an absolute madman.

This was gonna be a long class period. I began doodling satanic symbols into my notebook, only vaguely paying attention to what was being said. My mind wandered to thinking about my cold cuts of ham. When my mom used to make me lunch every day, she would make me ham sandwiches. They were my favorite things to have for lunch. I really missed my mom. When I left my old school district, I also left my mom behind, which made me sad. Don’t get me wrong, she only lived about thirty minutes away and it would be fairly easy for me to visit her. My older sister Natasha would pretty much let me borrow her car anytime. But still, the fact I wouldn’t see her everyday anymore made me feel a bit down. My mind wandered to my last conversation with mom before I moved in with dad.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t told dad about why you’re moving schools. That’s your secret to tell him when you’re ready.”

“Do you think he’ll care…?”

“It’s hard to say, you know how he is, he’s very conservative… That’s sort of what led me to leaving him.”

“Yeah…”

“But! I also know he loves you very much and he would still love you no matter what. But I know how scary it must be for you…”

“It is, but it makes me happy that you understand me so much. I’m sorry you had to find out like this…”

“It’s okay sweetie, I know, you were scared to tell me too, but I’ll always love you too. I just want you to find someone you love. And I don’t really care what gender that person is, as long as they love you as much as you love them.”

“Thanks, mom, I wish I could just stay here with you to be honest…”

“I know, but with my hours at work, I wouldn’t be able to take you to school everyday and I can’t really afford to get you a car… and I’m sorry… I’m sorry I can’t do more for you.”

“It’s okay mom, I understand, I feel lucky just to have someone who accepts me as I am.”

And with that, she hugged me tightly, more tightly than she’s ever hugged me before.

I felt tears going down my face and I did my best to hide my face down so the teacher wouldn’t notice. Crying? In the middle of class? I wouldn’t hear the end of that! Luckily everyone was kind of loud and I could kind of fade into obscurity.

“Ms. Ivanov?” the teacher said, a bit of worry in his voice.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I said, trying my best not to give anything away.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I looked over at Gertrude and she had a look of vague worry on her face. Whatever, not like she actually cares, she’s too self-absorbed I think.

“Well, alright, but feel free to talk to me after class if you want or need to,” Mr. Houbolt spoke kindly, “Okay?”

After a few minutes of sitting there, not a word spoken between me or Gertrude, the bell rang and I went on my way to my last period, Gym.

I made my way to the gym doors, I was welcomed by two different female gym teachers.

“Who are you?” one of them asked.

“Anastasia… Ivanov.”

“Okay! I see you on the list! Do you have your gym uniform with you?”

“Yeah I do,” I said, looking up.

“Okay, go ahead and just take a seat wherever, we’ll have you put your stuff in your gym locker a bit later. Oh! That reminds me, do you have a pair of gym shoes?”

“No… They didn’t say I needed any.”

“If you don’t, just be sure to bring some in tomorrow. Or if you want, you can bring a pair with you every day or just wear a pair to school everyday. But most of our students leave a pair in their gym lockers.”

“Okay, okay.”

I went through the doors and took a seat on the floor to the west.