Being Diagnosed in College

During my first semester of college, I was in a wheelchair most of the fall. During the spring semester after that fall, I was put in the hospital and almost lost my life to a blood clot. Last fall, I found out that my kidneys were lower functioning than a normal 20 year old. It's been over a year since I nearly died, and I haven't had a break from bad health since. Now, I finally know what's been wrong with me all along. Over this last summer, I was diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus, or SLE for short. I was tired all the time, I couldn't even drag myself to my afternoon classes sometimes, and I totally blew off my morning classes. I needed sleep. I couldn't function without it. I couldn't even walk straight or keep myself upright without 10 or more hours of sleep. College, as most people know, is not known for the healthy sleeping habits of students. UTI's were a monthly occurrence, and infections were almost unbearable for me and my body. I was constantly tired, my seizure disorder started to flare up and I ended up getting a service dog to help me function in my daily life and to alert me of seizures, so I could be safe on campus.

Not only is a service dog extremely helpful, but when he is with me, it is like I have a giant "DISABLED" tattoo across my forehead. I know I am sick, but being sick does not mean that I am always useless as a person. I have been struggling with something while I college as a student who is chronically ill, and that is being able to take care of my health before my education. Or to balance them. It has been a difficult task, and one that has caught up to me many times, by either bad grades or dangerous sickness because I blew off my health for school, or vice versa. Navigating college when you're chronically ill is difficult, but I think I recently found out how.

First, I used to always be scared to tell my professors that I was chronically ill, and I was embarrassed to be registered at the Disability Resource Center for the longest time. I was scared that my professors and peers would judge me, but I was very wrong. Professors are surprisingly supportive and understanding, and from what I have experienced, they usually have or love someone who has a chronic illness and know how stressful and time consuming they can be. So now, I always make sure to be on good terms with them and I haven't had one bad experience, because I just decided one day that telling my professors my problem was easier, better, and more productive than hiding such a big part of my life from them.

Second, I have always struggled with having a good diet in college. It's difficult when there is so many options around you, but not exactly healthy or wholesome foods are included. Part of SLE is a lot of nausea and vomiting, at least it is for me. I usually have to work around that with my food, and I started dropping weight rapidly when my last flare up began. I just quit eating, I specifically remember eating only 1000 calories a day and burning much more than that by just walking on campus. It was unhealthy, and making me more tired and making my health deteriorate much faster. So, I started eating as healthy as I could and actually grocery shopping for things that weren't ramen. I started eating things I could take to class with me; grapes, carrots, crackers, cheese, etc. I drink at least one gallon of water a day, and I try to make sure I eat things high in protein to keep me awake and alert. Since I quit eating like crap, my energy level has raised by a lot and my health has been relatively better, given the chronic illness.

Third, I made friends who cared. I made friends who know me well enough to tell me to slow down, or tell me to take care of myself. I made friends who take care of me when I need it, and help me pick myself up when I am going through a rough time because of my SLE. I made friends who love me, chronic illness, service dog and all, and I truly do not believe that I would still be at this university unless I had them by my side.

Finally, and I used to be the worst at this, I started being honest to myself about my health. I used to blow things off, especially if I think it was something not too bad like colds, flu's, rashes, etc. But that caught up to me really fast, when I was nearly put in the hospital for strep. I realized that I cannot act like I am fine when I am not, and that I have to be honest to the ones who love me and the doctors when I know there's something. I have to take care of myself, because all in all, I am responsible for keeping myself going and being accountable.

I love college, but it is not an easy feat when you're constantly struggling with getting out of bed, or going to class without having a seizure or feeling faint. But it is doable, and I want everyone to know that there is a way to succeed in college, even when you're living with a chronic illness. I understand my body's limits, and even though I push them sometimes, I keep going and keep pushing because in 5 years, that PhD is going to be worth it all.