At 48, I Stand by My Daughter's Side as She Retakes Her Year in Maotanchang

When my daughter was in kindergarten, my grandmother took care of her for several years. By the time she reached fourth grade, my husband and I returned from another city. Since then, I've been taking care of our daughter while my husband works. This arrangement has continued to this day.

The initial decision to accompany her in her studies was made with her best interests in mind. Both sets of grandparents are getting older and can't adequately care for a child. She's my child, and if she misbehaves, I can discipline her. The grandparents, on the other hand, would overlook her mistakes and even spoil her, which isn't good for her upbringing. Although we aren't highly educated, our years of working outside have given us some experience. We wanted to be around to guide her, and if she had any questions, she could always ask us. When a child is with her parents, she's more likely to share what happens at school.

I used to work in the clothing industry. When my daughter was in elementary school, I bought a sewing machine and worked from home. Later, when she went to school in the town, I started working in a factory. Every morning, after dropping her off at school, I'd buy groceries and then head to work. My boss would let me leave at 11:30 am to cook lunch. Our landlord was kind to us, always allowing us to cook first. After lunch and her nap, I'd return to work. I got her a phone designed for seniors, and I'd call her when it was time for her to go to school.

This routine lasted for six years, throughout her middle and high school. My mother-in-law is 88 years old, and with my elder brothers working in other cities, no one was there to care for her. Being the youngest, my husband decided to stay home to care for his mother and our daughter during her high school years. He was quite tired during the day, so I usually took on the responsibility of picking up our daughter in the evenings. While summer and sunny days were manageable, winters were challenging. We both felt cold. Eventually, we bought a small tricycle to shield us from the wind and rain.

My husband has always been supportive of my decision to accompany our daughter in her studies. He went to high school and missed the college entrance exam cut-off by just two points. Back then, there was only one tier of colleges, not the multiple tiers available now. He often spoke of the importance of parental support, recalling his own childhood when his family was poor and often went hungry. Every time his mother visited him in the city, she would walk and bring homemade pickles. Due to his short stature, he often found himself at the end of the lunch line at school, left with little or no food. He always told me to take good care of our daughter. We only have one child and didn't have the means for a second, so we wanted to do our best for her.

This past Labor Day, my husband visited. It was his third visit, with the previous one being last year. I asked him why he came, and he said it was to boost our daughter's spirits and encourage her.

In East Asian culture, a prominent phenomenon is the lack of trust parents have towards their children. The parenting style is often characterized by a heavy-handed approach, with parents being deeply involved in every aspect of their child's life. This over-involvement stems from a deep-rooted belief in guiding and overseeing their child's development closely. As a result, the phenomenon of accompanying children in their studies becomes particularly pronounced. Parents feel the need to be physically present, ensuring their child's academic progress and well-being, reflecting the cultural emphasis on education and the role of parents as primary caretakers and influencers in their child's life