All That Glitters Is Not Gold

I was checking my email and I came across another one of those Yahoo articles. You all know how I just enjoy making a complete mockery of those things so as I was strolling down I came across a piece on Gisele Bundchen and how she “has a new man and he’s a billionaire.”

That’s when I started to think that this couldn’t be the same guy that she was rumored to be with because that cat looked like he didn’t have two nickels to rub together let alone 2 billion smack-a-roos.

And I was correct. It’s another man who she is supposedly linked to by the name of Jeffery Sofer. According to the article, Sofer is a 55 year old real estate developer who was once the ex-husband of another model, Ele Macpherson.

Well, one thing I cannot take away from the fella is that he has superb taste in women. The article goes to say that:

Sofer’s net worth is 2.2 billion while Tom Brady’s (Bundchen’s now ex-husband) is worth a “paltry 512 million dollars.”

Damn, Tom! “Step ya game up” in a Floyd “Money” Mayweather font.

Now my take on this whole thing is that it’s all fake news designed for these so-called celebs to keep their names in the news. You can see it right there in plain sight.

They have Bundchen dancing on strip poles and “hanging out” with “ju-jitsu instructors” and “billionaires” and it’s pretty obvious that this all for clicks, comments and likes.

First of all, how do you go from a ju-jitsu instructor, which is code for a dude that just spent his entire youth watching Billy Blanks movies, to an alleged billionaire but if you take the Kanye West episode for example, you will see that tag can be removed with one bad Saturday.

Also, if you’re 55 year old billionaire, you are not checking for a soon-to-be 43 year old model. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with Giselle. She still is a very beautiful woman but she is 42 going on 43. Wouldn’t a billionaire just purchase the younger version of her.

It’s like automobiles. Sure, that 1993 BMW 3 Series car still looks pretty impressive but the car is now 30 years old and probably has about a gazillion miles on the speedometer. It’s probably at the point that the speedometer is broke and stopped counting at 1,235,089 miles.

So you have no unearthy idea just how many miles that bad boy has on it. And I’m pretty certain that it’s had a ton of work done on it over the years to make it appear new but it just isn’t new.

Fortunately for us, they never stop making BMW’s. They also have a new series from the newest year which brings me back to Ms. Bundchen. I’m pretty sure she’s kept herself up, ate right and exercised weekly but again, she’s 43.

I think that she and her “team of publicists” are doing all this to keep her name out there as this “strong, independent woman who don’t need no man” but in real time, that’s one lonely broad.

You can just see the sadness in her eyes on those pictures. Don’t get me wrong! She was working that stripper pole well. Very, very well but you can’t get caught up in the way she was swinging those hips, fellas. You got to look into her eyes.

And those beautiful eyes are saying that she’s just patiently awaiting for ole Tommy Boy to come running back to her on his knees. I’m pretty sure at some point you will hear stories about “how the old couple was spotted down at one of them expensive ass restaurants.”

You know the kind of places where the bill is about the size of the Grand Canyon and the food portion is the size of the period at the end of this sentence. Stay tuned!